The Rebellious Pastor's Wife

Promises, Promises

2012-01-24T19:30:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Amazon Kindle's tons of free books that are available, I've been reading Martin Luther's Commentary on Genesis, which has been fairly fascinating.

In the story of Cain and Abel, Luther addressed a question that I have had for a long time. "If Cain was sentenced to roam, then why is it that he founded the first city?"

Luther compared Adam's being cast out of the Garden to when Cain was cast out. When Adam and Eve were cast out of the Garden, they had the promise of the Messiah and the promise of God's protection. Cain was not given that. He was not given a direction to go. He could go east, west, north, south. He could work hard to prosper, and have no promise that it would benefit him. He was cast away from his family, never to see them again, and no promise about his progeny and what would become of them.

So while Cain founded the first city, there was no promise that it would prosper and continue to prosper. There was no promise that his children would survive, and in fact, every descendant he had was destroyed in The Flood. Cain did not have God's blessing on what would come.

There were two things that God promised, though. If someone killed Cain, he would be severely punished, and that Cain would have a wife. Luther states that this was done for two reasons. It was an act of mercy that gave time for Cain to repent. It was also an act of "uncovenanted mercy" for the sake of the elect, so that those who were his descendents who were elect could be saved. Cain was meant to have children who would come to faith. After all, Seth's descendants would come into contact and even marry some of the descendants of Cain's, and hear the Word of God proclaimed.

There are two kinds of promises, Luther explains. The first, legal promises, depend on our own works. When God tells the Children of Israel that they will prosper as long as they keep His commandments, that is a legal promise. This also explains why God seems so "temperamental" and can change His mind when prophets beg God to stay his judgement and not destroy the people whenever He threatens to. God has every right to destroy the Israelites when they depart from His will at any time He wants, but He also can hold back and wait to see if they continue to rebel against His will.

The question "If thou doest well, shall not thy countenance be lifted up?" in Genesis 4:7, that is said to Cain is also of this type. And Luther points out that moral nations do tend to prosper and have better order than immoral nations. As Lutherans, we don't like to say "God sent this hurricane because of our wickedness" and in a sinful world, that is correct, we really cant judge whether or not an individual act is a punishment for wickedness. But on the whole, a nation that behaves well, prospers. Empires that fall into wickedness tend to decline.

But there is another type of promise, the promise of grace. These have no threats of what will happen if our end is not kept. "I will put enmity between thee and the woman," "I will write the law in their inward parts, in their heart will I write it: and I will be their God, and they shall be my people." are examples of promises of grace. Because He made these promises that were in no way dependent upon our works, He will keep them under any and all circumstances.

Adam had promises of grace. Cain also should've had that promise, a life that was guided by God that would also lead to the eventual birth of the Savior of mankind. But Cain killed his brother and refused to repent, refused to come to God for mercy. So Cain's direction would not be guided by God or blessed by God. That is what made Cain a vagabond and a wanderer.

The Rights of Our Daughters

2012-01-23T14:01:00.000-08:00

President Obama has stated that today, the 39th Anniversary of the Roe vs. Wade decision that legalized abortion across the United States is part of the work to “continue our efforts to ensure that our daughters have the same rights, freedoms, and opportunities as our sons to fulfill their dreams.”

Here's the innate problem, where we as a culture have messed up completely: Somewhere along the line, we've decided that the key to happiness has become what we do for a living, and that the dream of dreams is to have the job we want. One of the first questions we ask kids as we encounter them, the question we ask to get to know them is "what do you want to be when you grow up?" And we don't mean a husband or a wife, a mother or a father. Those are kind of taken for granted. We'll probably all do that, and because of birth control, we'll do that when it is most convenient for us. And if our husband or wife gets in the way of the dream for a career, or they want more time and consideration than our career will afford them, then we can divorce them. If our kids need someone to look out for them, we have daycare.

We don't raise our sons to view the role of husband to be the most important and desired. We don't raise our daughters to prize the role of wife and to put it first.

As a culture, marriage and parenthood are accessories to a good life, and that good life comes from the job. Personal meaning and self-worth come from the job. And the weird thing is, the receptionist who makes $9.00 an hour thinks this as much as the CEO who makes a million a year. And as Pastor Christopher Gillespie asks so eloquently today, " Is motherhood a rock-bottom job for those who can’t do more, or those who are satisfied with drudgery? "

Raising children is rough, and it certainly can get in the way of reaching our personal dreams of wealth, career, and freedom. But in the end, if the primary value is that our true purpose is found within our family, and that being a husband or a wife is where our prime focus is, and when men have the same concept of responsibility to family and self-sacrifice, then their dreams are second to providing for the family as well.

When marriage is out of the picture in relationship to children, it does all fall on the woman. And when sex, rather than marriage is valued, then it all falls down and it becomes okay to kill another human being, worse yet, one's own children, in order to reach your own personal dream.

Romney's Constitution Question

2012-01-10T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not a Mitt Romney apologist, but he's come under fire for this statement here....

But the criticism is entirely unfair. He was being trapped.

In 2003, Rick Santorum came under criticism because he disagreed with the 1965 Supreme Court decision of Griswald vs. Connecticut. This case has been used to argue that homosexuality, abortion, polygamy, etc. are constitutional, because the Court determined that there is an extended right to privacy in the Constitution. However, originally, the case was about the state of Connecticut's right to ban the sale of contraceptives. Back in 1965, a lot of states banned this. As Romney stated, there isn't a state out there now that even wants to ban the sale of contraceptives. With socialized medicine and welfare, it is a lot cheaper to prevent the birth of a child than to provide medical care and food for that child.

However, Romney is in a dubious place. As a former Mormon bishop, if he says no, states do not have this right, he risks ticking off the Mormon church, whose theology encourages large families. If he says yes, in principle, he alienates almost everyone else who believes that sexuality without procreation is a human right.

Romney made a dodge of the issue, which really is a complete non-issue. A rather clumsy dodge, but a dodge all the same. He wasn't saying that he didn't know the Constitution, but that he was passing it off on someone else, since it was clearly a stupid question. But I believe (and I am not sure) that Romney's health care program provided for birth control.

However, what this makes clear is that the media is gearing up on a full-court press on Santorum, and they are attempting to determine what others are going to say on this matter.

The New Domesticity

2011-11-25T22:23:00.000-08:00

"The New Domesticity, Or a Step Back for American Women?", a Washington Post article, is most fascinating.

I really appreciate its acknowledgement that a force behind the movement back to domestic skills is partially a political movement against commercial foods, and also a movement toward independence -- a desire to be able to take care of ourselves, not unlike the conflict posited in Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (are you truly free on the roads if you do not have the skills to fix your own bike and you rely on others who have these skills, or are you becoming more and more disconnected from yourself and your experience? was one of the questions explored in the book.)

Art And the Common Girl

2011-11-19T22:57:00.000-08:00

One of the first dates that Jeff ever took me on was to the Getty Museum. Not the big collection on the top of the hill along the Sepulveda Pass -- no, the Getty Villa in Malibu. Mind you, this was twenty years ago, and not only were the ancient collections there, but the art collections were as well. They had just acquired Van Gogh's "Irises,"and Jeff was eager to see it.

The villa is a model of an ancient Roman villa, complete with fountains, herb gardens and a magnificent view of the ocean. It was so beautiful outside most of the many times that we went there, that it was sometimes difficult for me to go inside and look at the collections because the velvet walls, rich colors, and dark rooms seemed like such a heavy contrast.

But there was one painting that always struck me -- I could stand and gaze at the folds in the princess's gown forever. The painting was HUGE...took up a whole wall, and it always surprised me when it was meeting me as I turned the corner...probably because it was such a maze. It is a portrait of Princess Leonilla, Princess of Sayn-Wittgenstein-Sayn, by Franz Xaver Winterhalter. I admit it...I really just covet the dress.

From that first visit, the Getty has played an important part in our family life. Jeff and I went on several dates there, we used to take the kids there as well. I remember hearing about how one woman in my La Leche League group had been insulted there because she had nursed her toddler there. I found that incredibly ironic, because how I kept my toddler interested was by carrying him around there in a sling, showing him the many paintings of a standing Jesus nursing at Mary's breast. When we go back to L.A., we still go to the new museum, and while Jeff managed to get to the new refurbished Villa, I still have not made it. I would love to see a Greek play there.

Calls and Temptation

2011-11-15T08:24:00.000-08:00

My pastor in college shared some advice from Dr. Robert Preus, back when Jeff was his summer vicar: "When you get your first call after your placement, you are going to look at the money. You can't avoid sinning."

Jeff has received two calls since becoming a pastor, and neither one would have been financial gains. When we moved to our current congregation, with cost of living factored in, it was very break even, and with state income tax and some other factors, it actually turned out to be a pay cut that was not unfelt. The call that he has received recently was pretty much the same, so at least with that out of the way, other things can be considered. And just to note, it is NOT a sin to make sure you can take care of your family.

Dr. Preus had it right, though...only he was too narrow. When a pastor's family has a call before them, it can really cause them to covet -- a church that has a heart for missions or confessional theology, a bigger or smaller town, the opportunity to own a house away from the church or getting to live nearby in a parsonage, a school -- or no school, maybe its near a seminary or near the beach, etc. It stirs up a desire to want what we don't have.

A friend of mine once commented that when there is a call before a Pastor's family, it almost feels like adultery....or at least flirting with it. I'd have to say she was very right. There's a lot of comparing the glamorous "other woman" with the one who is comfortable and familiar. Contemplating a call is a very uncomfortable process. And like flirting and temptation, it can be a very pleasurable one.

Not that all of this is entirely sinful. It's not. In going through the call process, we've met some wonderful people; learned a little more about ourselves and our current congregation, about what's involved in moving to a new country and a different church body, and about God's provision at all times. And while things were dang good in our marriage, I think it also has strengthened it even more.

On Sunday, my husband announced that he is returning the call to Messiah Lutheran Church in Waterloo, Ontario. Please pray for them that during this process, they learn more about themselves as well, and that God guides them to a faithful and loving shepherd.

An Interesting Thought on Dating

2011-11-06T22:08:00.001-08:00

One of my favorite shows is called "Bitchin Kitchen." It's out of Canada and is REALLY hilarious. Luckily, The Cooking Channel picked her up. Occasionally, in her quirky and sometimes disturbing way, Nadia G will drop some good advice. This is from her episode "The Dish on Dating."

"Much like making dinner, the first step to finding a mate is knowing what you want. But people are too funny. Ask them what they do and they'll say Í'm a microbiologist specializing in gram negative bacteria, specifically endotoxins. My hobbies include rustic Malaysian cuisine and collecting garden gnomes." But ask them what they are looking for in a mate and they'll say 'a sense of humor.'Come on! Be specific!

"...Same goes for finding a mate. You've got to figure out which ingredients will make them tasty to you. Otherwise, you'll never date (holds up a package of "Mac and Sleeze") outside the box."

A Call

2011-11-05T16:37:00.001-07:00

I haven't posted about this before, but my husband has received a call from Messiah Lutheran Church in Waterloo, Ontario Canada.

We just got back from visiting there for a few days, and had a wonderful time with the members that we met. Jeff is continuing to deliberate. There has been so much to consider, but he has set November 13th as the day that he will announce his decision.

Please keep us, Zion, and Messiah in your prayers.

Thank you.

Interesting Communion Quote

2011-10-28T16:12:00.000-07:00

Pastor Weedon had this posted this on his blog over three years ago, but I absolutely love the quote, which is from Johannes Bugenhagen, Martin Luther's pastor, and it describes their practice of allowing children to communion in the Reformation era:

"After this confession is made, also the little children of about eight years or less should be admitted to the table of Him who says, 'Suffer the little children to come unto Me.'" (Concordia Triglotta, p. 82)

Under Construction

2011-10-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm messing around with the template. Unfortunately, in my earlier posts, I'd messed around with the font colors, and what I didn't know, is when I change templates, it doesn't change the ones that I had deliberately coded differently. That means that when I change a template, some of these posts are very difficult to read or completely invisible.

Big mess.

So I'm trying to find an option that will keep those things visible.

In the meantime, sorry. This really looks awfully bland to me.

Homeschooling and Structure Revisited...again and again and again

2011-10-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

When we started homeschooling when Chris was five, I didn't answer the phone during the time I'd set aside for lessons. Nothing interfered, and we went through what we were supposed to and got it done. Sometimes while rocking in a hammock in the backyard, but we got it done.

I remember seeing a title of a book called "Homeschooling is About the Baby." I think it was locally produced But what the author was trying to say is that homeschooling is about life, life has interruptions, and when someone needs you, that comes before a textbook. So things went on hold and worked around naps after we had Maggie. When we moved here, we took a long time to get back into any kind of structure.

We have always been a late to bed, late to wake up family. In some ways this has hurt us, but fighting against that too hard made it more difficult. Though there have been times that I have tried.

My perfectionism also has gotten the best of me, and sometimes I drove myself during times that my kids needed a break, or I did...and regretted it later. And this has led to the other extreme...doing almost nothing.

I have found that sometimes these nothing times, where my children pursued their own interests have been some of the times that they learned the most, and sometimes the very thing that I was pulling my hair out trying to teach them.

For us, though, I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. I have a classical philosophy when it comes to homeschooling, but unlike many homeschoolers, it does not come out in a structured expression. Instead, having my children surrounded by classical ideas, in an environment that values history, literature, and the historical liturgy to a large extent creates a classically educated child. I've seen this in my unschooling friends.

However, I find if we don't have something, I feel like I am pulled around in many different directions, and I go just as nuts as if I am hyper-structured (its not pretty when I am hyper-structured). I think I am returning back to the Charlotte Mason fold.

Short lessons, living books (avoiding textbooks, for the most part...books that are devoted to a particular subject or range of subjects and are clearly written by someone who cares for the topic they are writing about), how things are related (Charlotte believed that education is the science of relations, not merely a conglomeration of separate topics) more emphasis on art and literature, narration to show that the children know the topics, these things have worked well for us in the past, here's hoping they do in the future.

I do struggle with incorporating art into our work, but I think it will help the kids if I figure out how to do it.

So now as the hyper-activity period of September and October wrap up and people stop wanting to socialize with each other and want to hide in their houses, looking at "doing school" becomes more practical.

That Annoying Little "Commissioned Minister" Status

2011-10-01T20:47:00.001-07:00

In the LCMS, we've always had a strong doctrine of what it means to be called. It was a term reserved for our clergy, our male clergy (we only have male clergy).

Ministers have certain protections under the tax system. They balance out the additional penalties that Ministers get because they are regarded as self-employed by the Social Security System, and therefore must pay the full 15%, and are regarded as employees by the IRS, and therefore get no tax breaks as self-employed.

Way back, the Synod decided to invoke the title "commissioned minister" upon our male teachers. Since they don't get paid well, and they have families to support, lets extend those benefits to them. Then, of course as female teachers became more prominent and didn't necessarily stop teaching just because they got married, and because it was sexist and the title was meaningless anyway -- it was extended to female teachers as well.

All of this goes against the good sense of reserving the title of Minister for the clergy. It confuses our doctrine. Since this has happened, the Office of the Ministry has lost some of the respect that it once had.

Now, because of the nebulousness of the "commissioned minister" title, an LCMS school teacher has opened the flood gates and given the Obama Administration exactly what they always wanted, the possibility of applying discrimination and employment laws to the Church. She signed a contract when she received a call as a "commissioned minister" but now argues that she really wasn't so that she can win a discrimination suit. I don't envy her health issues, and am not sure why the church school contracted another teacher instead of bringing in a long term substitute -- maybe one wasn't available, but they shouldn't have contracted a teacher to fill her position for the entire year. But the Obama Administration is using this as an opportunity to argue that the nondiscrimination laws are so unbiased that they need to be applied to church situations as well. Here's another story as well.

And...the school is closed down. They've partnered with another church, but these children are not hearing God's Word, and the battle is before the public eye. I'm sure Satan is happy.

RPW Recommendation: The First Comes Around

2011-09-28T09:36:00.001-07:00

Pastor Brown said this much better than me regarding how we treat each other within confessionalism:

I'm Better Than You (No, really, I'm SO not)

2011-09-22T15:40:00.001-07:00

I have pretty strong opinions on many issues...and a lot of the positions that I take are not really mainstream.

I believe in natural birth and think the best place to be born, is probably home and with a midwife.

I chose a method called Attachment Parenting to raise my children -- family bed, child-led weaning, and I carried my infants around on my body in a sling, rather than using a stroller -- most of the time.

I also believe that raw milk and meat is better coming from grass-fed cows that get a lot of time out in the sunshine and fresh air. There is a significant difference in the nutrients of the products between grass-fed and grain fed cattle. Pasteurization destroys and alters nutrients, and changes the ratios so that the nutrients left may not be as useful to your body. And Vitamin A and D are replenished, but in forms your body can barely use, and are even suspected carcinogens. Not only that, when the fat is removed, these fat soluble vitamins are even less useful. You need fat to absorb vitamins. I could do a whole post on this.

Obviously, I feel strongly on these issues. I have done a LOT of research on these issues and have personal experience with them. As far as breastfeeding, I even underwent what amounts to two years of training to be a La Leche League Leader and certified lactation consultant. If I didn't feel strongly that "Breast is best" doesn't mean "its just a little bit better," I wouldn't have done that. I also wouldn't have nursed two children for a grand total of seven years combined.

Does this mean that I believe that you are inferior if you chose differently, if for some reason you couldn't, or if you didn't really think about the issues? No. Because in my life, it has taken me 40 years to get to this point, and I wasn't even there on some of the nutritional issues a year ago. And I know I'm not done yet.

Let me give you some examples:

Despite my birth beliefs, I have two children out of two who were born via c-section. The first because I didn't know any better, the 2nd, because after 32 hours of labor, they weren't going to let me go any farther. Things weren't happening according to their textbook at the hospital, where I could only deliver at, because there wasn't a midwife in L.A. at that point who could get a doctor to back her up if she did a home VBAC, despite the fact that the safety statistics are there.

Breastfeeding -- I didn't want to breastfeed. I only tried because I promised my husband I would give it six weeks, and he held me to that. And since my son was very allergic to cows milk and soy, it was a blessing that he did. But he was nipple-confused from the first time he received a bottle in the hospital, and it took almost 4 weeks to get him to nurse. I think the c-section made me determined. But he had four weeks on soy formula, throwing up all over the place and dealing with chronic constipation. The difference I saw in my son when he finally was a breastfed baby as opposed to a formula fed baby showed me that there really is a difference.

Nutrition -- we have eaten fast food at least three times this week, and despite my knowing that I was reacting poorly to wheat for years, I only managed to get off of it when it turned into full-blown celiac disease.

But that doesn't mean that I don't strongly believe that there is an ideal as to how something should be. And I know I generally don't reach it. I know most people don't. But that isn't going to stop me from posting articles or statements about what the ideal is. And I am not necessarily saying you should meet this ideal. I am putting information out there, in case you are interested in this topic, because I certainly am....and it is my blog (my facebook status, my mouth) :D

I get frustrated when people take it as "I didn't do this, so you are attacking me." No, generally the information that I put out there is citing something that is fact. If you didn't have a natural birth or breastfeed your child, I still know that you love your child, and if you missed out on those things (and I did) you still have MANY ways that you love your child. If you don't want to become a food hippie like me, I at least hope there is something you do that is good for yourself...that YOU are more interested in.

But in the end, through my research and experience, I believe strongly in these things. I wouldn't be sharing this information if I didn't believe strongly in these things. So my sharing them with you is not an attack, it is a gesture of love -- this matters to me. I hope it helps you. But it should be treated like any gift I would give you. If it doesn't help you, get rid of it.

Socialization and Homeschooling

2011-09-21T17:17:00.000-07:00

HT: The Elephant's Child, and of course, Indiana Jane herself.

One of the best statements I've seen on the "S" Word, by my friend Jane, and her kids are proof it works. I remembered it from a long time ago, but it deserves recirculation.

The Company You Keep

Is Facebook Down for You, Too?

2011-09-21T16:23:00.001-07:00

Just wondering. All of a sudden everything disappeared a few minutes ago, and my cell phone is getting a couple of updates, but not a whole lot. When I try to go to my page....nothing.

I've spent the day kind of defending Facebook's right to make changes. I can't say that I LIKE the changes, especially once I realized that I was getting updates on Friends commenting on their Friends' comments. Who needs that?

So I started editing what would be in my feed, person by person as they popped up. Then all it would say is (for instance) "Indiana Jane shared a link" That's even WORSE.

Many people commented on how Facebook is a free service. That's not exactly true (and I'd just got done saying this when it shut down...so maybe I'm just paranoid). Facebook isn't free. It makes a HUGE amount of money. And the product that they offer is US. They sell the information we give them, our links to our friends, our regional connections, and yes, now even the data off our cell phones. And they also advertise TO us (unless you have Adblock, which I love). We are their commodity, and they need to keep us happy in order to keep us on Facebook and not somewhere else, like, say our personal blogs.

The image that comes to mind, and maybe its fairly apt, is the human farms in Matrix. Remember when the evil cyber-agent dude said when they made it too perfect, people couldn't handle it and died? Maybe they do like to shake it up because in the end, we do need change and trouble every once in a while. And believe me, Facebook knows that with each change, people get upset for a few days and adjust. If they don't change every once in a while, something else will come along and steal us away, or we'll grow bored. If they do change a bit, they'll get some complaints, but we will settle down. But if it is too much -- then it will stay upsetting to people, and they'll go over to Google Plus, spend more time on Twitter, blog, or actually go hang out with their family, which is what I am going to do now.

Dinner

2011-09-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

Dinner last night was brought to you by our garden! Woohoo. Well, some of it.

Until the garden has finished up, I am not resigning myself to giving up nightshades yet. I planted a whole bunch of heirloom tomatoes and they are just too FUN to ignore.

Serrano and jalapeno peppers, along with some of the tomatoes went into a really kickin' salsa. The peppers were picked a while ago so were partially dried, which means spicy. I love my salsa to bite back, but it took way fewer peppers to make that happen this time.

The salsa was there to provide ornament to -- Paleo Pork Tacos.

I took some of the pork that I had cooked and froze, and cooked it back up with onions, garlic, and apple cider vinegar. Then instead of taco shells, we used romaine lettuce leaves as taco shells...just put the toppings of tomatoes, raw cheddar, and salsa on the spine and folded it length-wise. It was more popular, even among the Paleo-resistant, than the organic corn taco shells.

Oh, and we finally harvested a watermelon. It was amazing.

I only wish the avocados were ripe.

Pumpkiny Goodness

2011-09-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

I was greatly afraid that powdery mildew and squash bugs were going to get my pumpkins before they got ripe. Fortunately, I chose a type of sugar pumpkin this year that ripened a lot earlier than previous types. The plants are withered and dead, but the pumpkins just made it.

The pumpkin harvest is here, and they look beautiful. I have started processing them two by two. I learned a valuable tip last year in processing pumpkins -- well, two really. First of all, its a lot easier to wait until AFTER they are roasted to get out all the stringy stuff and the seeds (unless you are purposely wanting to roast those separately). This year hasn't been as much of an issue, because the sugar pumpkins this year actually are REALLY easy to seed. Secondly, the crock pot is a magnificent way to roast pumpkins. I just break them up into quarters and put two of them in my six quart crock pot and set it for twelve hours. When its done, I can pull them out, let them cool a little bit, take off the stringy layer with a swipe of my spoon, and then measure out the remaining pulp into 1 cup increments, baggie by baggie.

Voila...then they are ready to be pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin soup, and maybe even some pumpkin juice, Harry Potter style :D

Just a Thought on Men and Women

2011-09-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

For my class assignment, one of the discussion questions was related to the difference in pay that men and women still receive for doing the same job. I can't remember exactly how it was phrased.

When I am out in the workplace, I am generally in fields that there really aren't many men. My work is generally either in field interviewing, which requires me to go to people's houses and administer the questionaires for social science research; or in social work. My most recent position was as a QMRP (Qualified Mental Retardation Professional) and co-manager of a group home for the developmentally disabled. Out of 30 of us in group home management, there were 4 guys. These guys manage the homes with the most challenging clients.

Both fields that I spend my time in have repercussions for men. They can be accused of things. They often are not wanted. In field interviewing, many people will let a woman into their home who would be very hesitant to let in a man. In group homes, many guardians express discomfort with men caring for the personal needs of female clients. Many men don't want to be put in that position because they don't want to get accused of something, either.

When I look at the way I parent my kids as opposed to the way my husband does, I am WITH my kids, whereas my husband DOES things with them, far more often. He's the one that takes them hiking, plays video games with them, teaches them physical skills, coaches their teams...I'm not saying that women can't do things like that, but this dynamic is more common. It's also not true that my husband can't nurture my kids or just be with them, but I fill that role more readily.

In the same way, men in direct care are an asset because they are usually itching to get out and do things with the clients. When we have a house full of female staff, they focus on "I have to get the food made, the meds done, chores done, the showers done, and get everyone ready for bed." Come to think of it, that's pretty much how I think of my days at home with my kids, too - its often a list of one thing after another. The guys...they speed through those things, because they want to go out and DO something with the clients, and that is an incredible asset that is being missed out on because there are fewer guys in this field, and while most would consider it sexist -- I can completely understand paying them more in order to keep them on staff. Same with the men who are field interviewing because they can take the few men who don't feel comfortable being asked personal questions by women, and they have to put up with a lot of refusals.

But also, these careers used to be male-dominated. You almost never heard of women taking care of the mentally disabled. Door to door anything used to be entirely male. Now, take a look at the numbers of women getting college educations as opposed to men. In another fifteen years, the issue of pay equality will be a non-issue because there are going to be so few male professionals at all.

I had a pastor tell me one time that the reason why he had male acolytes and male ushers is because it the females started doing it, it would be all females doing it, because the guys wouldn't do it anymore. I do see that in many places in the church. Male Sunday School teachers are few and far between anymore, male school teachers are more rare as well. There are fewer male elders serving where female elders are allowed to serve, where women are allowed to be readers, etc. (and there are theological problems with women filling these roles as well). Once you have a church where men do not have specified place, you often have a female dominated church in almost all areas of service.

I have no clue where I am going with this...its just a few thoughts that I've been entertaining, so do with them what you will.

Sharing an Insight into Pastors

2011-09-11T20:44:00.000-07:00

I thought this was a very good insight into caring for pastors. I know many (most?) pastors very well who have no clue what their congregations think of them. While they may still serve according to their conscience and with all their heart, it doesn't make it easy.

Ack...Unreadable

2011-09-06T21:41:00.000-07:00

I just realized that when I changed my wallpaper, it left some of my posts unreadable. I will try to correct that next week, especially the ones in the sidebar.

Pastoral Care

2011-09-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

A very good article by Pastor Torkelson at Prairie Pastor.

I think I'll be reading more of him.

The Eighth Commandment and Theological Discussion

2011-09-05T17:16:00.001-07:00

In my 19 years since I returned to Lutheranism, and this time to Confessional Lutheranism, I have pretty much been constantly surrounded by pastors, theology students, and other very devoted laymen. I've been in live discussion groups (as in, actually WITH real people), on email lists, in the blogosphere, and on Facebook. And one question has plagued me the whole dang time:

How come the Eighth Commandment doesn't apply to theological discussion?

I'll break this down into other questions to clarify --

Why is it okay to basically assume that a person is not "solid" until they have proven otherwise?

Since when is it considered perfectly acceptable by some to openly mock someone, just because we don't agree with their doctrine or practice?

Who actually believes that someone will be open to change in their doctrine or practice when they are being ridiculed for what they are doing now? Why should they take guidance from you when you are treating with disdain something that matters very much to them (right nor not)?

If someone shares a quote or an idea over lunch or by email because they think it is interesting or sweet, is it good manners to pick apart the phrasing to show how theologically inadequate the statement is? In the end, even without the best confessionally-correct choice of words, you probably knew what was intended, and so does everyone else; so why cause frustration?

When did orthodoxy stop becoming a journey that we sinners are all traveling toward? When did it become a competition?

When you point out your brother-in-Christ's flaws, Are you really trying to correct him out of love for him? Is it his well-being that you are seeking, or are you seeking to make a good theological point? Are you really the best person to address the issue, or do you think there is a better way to bring about repentance and reform? Are you willing to respectfully walk him through the issue that has drawn your attention, or do you just want to point out the fault and move on?

Don't get me wrong, I know there are certain issues that should be corrected, but there are plenty of statements made by your average Joe that can go either way; and while they may not be phrased quite right, they still don't do any harm. In these situations, it is just more civil to assume that it is meant in the best possible way. After all, most of us don't expect to face the Spanish Inquisition over an "interesting" link on Facebook (NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition).

We also need to be careful because in these discussions, we might completely miss what our brother is saying when our own "issues" get triggered. Sometimes the person is just sharing their love for Jesus and actually didn't intend to bring up the issue of sovereignty or Arminianism at all (as examples).

We are called by Christ to love each other. Jesus bore with a whole lot from His disciples, and only corrected things that were terribly crucial. Really, He ignored a lot of the nonsense, and when He did find need to correct, He generally did so with gentleness. The "Get Behind Me Satan" response is not appropriate just because someone shares an inspirational quote that gets in your craw. Jesus reserved this treatment for Peter's denying the need for the cross.

This is not talking about true theological error. However, before we open our mouths, we should ask ourselves whether or not we are truly being loving, especially in a public forum. We should ask ourselves if this is worth hurting someone's feelings or causing a lot of exasperation. Important theological issues are definitely worth it, because the person's well-being is at stake. But again, it might be better to address the topic privately or even go to the person's pastor for assistance if it is really concerning. If you find yourself getting actual pleasure from it, you probably should walk away, hang up the phone, or turn off your computer.

In the end, when we are discussing the very topic that is most dear to our humanity -- our relationship with our Creator (through Christ), it is important to remember that Christ died for the person that we are arguing with, and it is a pretty safe assumption that in our quest for theological purity, our Lord doesn't want us to forget that.

Bulk Cooking

2011-09-04T14:02:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, I come across programs for bulk cooking -- buying a month's worth of food, and cooking it all in one day and freezing it. Often, this is so much work that the recommendation is to do it with someone else, get the kids out of the house, kick the husband to the curb, and make sure to take that double dose of Zoloft or Tequila (not both, no matter how tempting it might be), and don't forget to hire a maid to handle the aftermath.

I've never really given these programs much more than a passing glance. Often the recipes are full of more processed foods than I am comfortable with, especially with my dietary restrictions. Not to mention, I don't really want to cook with someone else. I'm pretty elitist when I cook -- and also kind of grumpy. And for some reason, I just don't get around to eating dishes that I've cooked and frozen. And affording a months worth of food.....

Monday, I surprised my hubby by bringing into the house an "Every Day with Rachael Ray" magazine. He knows Rachael Ray hasn't been one of my favorite chefs for a long time (just think she's over-marketed, and her dishes on her t.v. show are never enough for a family of four, especially when one of those family members is a teenage boy). I don't mock her or anything...at least not like I do the skinny Italian chef (How can I believe her food is good when she clearly doesn't eat it?), or like the plastic Sandra Lee...now HER I mock with her kitchen decorations that change EVERY episode.

But I digress.

The reason why I brought the magazine home is because it had a different take than I've seen on making meals for a month. Rather than making many different entrees, instead, it calls for preparing the ingredients -- Five different base ingredients that can be combined to make twenty different dishes. In the article, the building blocks were :

Pulled Pork -- 2 shoulder roasts that are seasoned, roasted, shredded, and frozen in 1 cup portions
Tomato Sauce
Roasted Veggies -- yep, roast Bell Peppers, onions, squash, garlic, etc. and then put in freezer bags to add to recipes later.
Pulled Chicken -- same idea as the Pulled Pork.
Rice Pilaf -- a large recipe of rice that also gets frozen and added to other recipes.

While I looked at a lot of the recipes offered (and the fact that I'm SUPPOSED to avoid tomatoes, peppers, and rice -- at least I'm working on that), most of them wouldn't fit my lifestyle, but I then looked at a lot of the recipes that I do make on a regular basis, and realized that I could really do something similar.

Roasting all of this stuff is not a bad way to go, because most of it can be cooked in the same oven, so actually, it saves some energy, too. I so love roasted vegetables, too!

These are my categories:

4 Pulled Chickens -- because I use chicken in a LOT of soups and stews, not to mention it would be nice to have it around for salads and such , too. Once the bones are cleaned of meat, they'll be thrown into a stock pot to make chicken stock .
1 Boston Butt Roast -- Not sure how much I'll need of this.
Roast Vegetables -- onions, garlic, beets, and squash. Oh, and cauliflower. LOTS of cauliflower (we use a lot, and Meijer has a good sale going on)
Hamburger mix for meatloaf and meatballs.

My pumpkins are ripe in my garden, too...so I'll be doing a lot of roasting the meat of those and putting them in 1 cup freezer bag portions, too.

I'm embarking on this today, but not whole hog, so to speak. Probably enough to get me through a week and a half to two weeks, I hope.

I still have a week of work left, so I hope this helps (and I will probably divide it up into two evenings because of this, too). I want to ease into it , because if this IS a good idea, I don't want to kill myself over it so I don't do it at all.

I Could Never Homeschool.....

2011-08-27T16:21:00.001-07:00

My boss said it to me the other day. "I could never homeschool. My kids would drive me NUTS." (If I had a nickel....)

Over the years, I generally respond "It's not as hard as you think." I realized that is all wrong. The reality is....actually, it is a lot harder than you think. maybe my six month break doing other work has given me a different perspective. Instead, I replied "Yeah. They would. I know mine have occasionally really gotten to me." (and I to them)

I didn't feel the need to elaborate on just how close to "nuts" I've been.

Homeschooling is hard. It can be VERY hard. And honestly, I think probably the easiest part is the teaching. The lessons and subjects, going through the curriculum. That's generally not hard at all.

It's the social isolation. Even when you belong to a co-op or a homeschool group and you have activities and park days, it can still be very difficult. When you homeschool, your life has a completely different flow than everybody else's. At times, its wonderful. I, for one, really don't like the pace of most lives. However, it still puts a person on the outside of the "norm." And the outside of the "norm" can be a lonely place to be. Sometimes it feels like I just don't sync with anyone else, and those I do sync with seem so far away.

I've homeschooled in a metropolis and in a small town. In a metropolis, your friends are spread out. Getting together has to be more structured. Neighborhoods don't really play a part in social life as much, because most everyone else is working. When you homeschool in a small town, there is a lot more of a tendency for life to revolve around the school, and there is a lot more personal pride in the school, because it is the only option. Choosing to homeschool rather than send your kids to the local school can be interpreted as a judgment on the school or on other parents. Homeschooling can isolate you from your community.

Not being able to leave your kids somewhere and participate in activities that grownups are participating in without kids is just not an option, at least not as much. That feels isolating.

Your kids aren't part of the daily life of the other kids, so they tend to be isolated when they participate in other activities like Scouts or 4-H.

I think most women who work don't necessarily do it out of job satisfaction or a that their jobs have a real purpose. I think it is because work creates a structured social sphere, and outside of work, that just doesn't exist in the community anymore. At the workplace, you can rely on your friends being there every day to talk with, lend support, provide help.

When our lives focus around our kids -- if their activities or interests change, or we decide to do something differently, then so do our social lives. I have three very close friends who I used to meet with on a weekly basis during seminary children's choir rehearsals. For years, it was the peak of our week. But as our kids had different things going on and our boys' voices changed, we fell away from that as our kids had other things to do. Something like that is hard to replace.

These things can drive a woman nuts. I honestly believe that humans aren't meant to be as socially isolated as we are in our daily lives. Modern technology is wonderful, but it also is isolating. I don't have to go to the well to gather water because I have indoor plumbing. Refrigerators and freezers eliminate the need for frequent gatherings at the market place, and air conditioning means that it is bearable to work in my house instead of on my porch during the scorching Summers. TV means I don't need to seek entertainment elsewhere. Easily accessing books means I am less likely to seek out forums for intellectual stimulation. We were meant to have the help of family, neighbors, and church brethren. Too often, we live too far away, don't know our neighbors, and are scared to show our weakness at church.

Has homeschooling my children been wonderful? Oh yeah. I LOVE having my kids home. I love being able to interact with them on a constant basis and hearing their thoughts and being a real part of their lives, not just a part of a few hours a day (which right now, is probably the hardest part of working. For the first time ever, my social need is being well-met, but my relationship with my kids feels distant. I can't wait to have that back). I adore being able to see the world open up for them. And I know that my involvement with their lives has turned them into a young man and ayoung lady that I am very proud of, and blown away that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of shaping them. But there have been months at a time that have been laced with depression and tears.

Would I do it all over again? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend it to others? Definitely. But its not easy...and yes, your kids will drive you nuts--- seriously, painfully nuts.

What I have found in spending my days with moms who have their kids in daycare and at school. Their kids still drive them to the brink. However, what seems different between the relationships that I see with homeschooled kids and their parents and working parents is that I have a lot more influence over my kids than they do. My kids know where they stand with me (most of the time), and it matters to them. While my kids have friends, they don't matter to them the way they would if they were spending more waking hours with them than with me, so in general, repairing breaks in our relationship is easier. My kids are much more confident in their ability to have friends that like them for them, rather than needing to earn and seek their approval. It's my approval that they want, and while I may nag or get upset, they know that they have it. I am also less likely to back off on a problem that I think it is important because I have so little time with them. I've seen others do that because they don't want all their times with their kids be miserable. It hardly ever works. If there is a need for correction or even a conflict to happen, it just gets worse until it happens.

So the investment is worth it. By God's grace it is worth it. If you are homeschooling or are looking at homeschooling., God be with you. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do.

How are Things?

2011-08-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

Honestly, things are pretty dang good.

I haven't had a moment to breathe, much less write....but things are good. I've been working, going to school, raising my children, and dealing with life. But they are good.

Things also are quieting down soon. The job is going. It was wonderful, terrific, and great-- other than being 45 hours a week, I can't imagine one better suited for me....but my other vocations call. And it is a different kind of stress realizing how much needs done and there ISN'T time, as opposed to not MAKING time.

And one thing I miss is blogging. For a while, I just couldn't blog. Then I didn't have anything to blog about. Then I had loads to blog about but no time.

But I will be back soon. :D

No, No, NO!!!

2011-07-07T19:20:00.000-07:00

I really hate that I think I feel better. I REALLY hate that I think I feel better.

Its been a long time since I talked about it, but I have celiac disease. When I found out, I decided to go Paleo, since I really didn't want to mess with gluten-free chemical experiments and cost, and because I just find it easier to do without starches than to tolerate substitutes. I know that some substitutes are pretty good, but I just don't have the desire to learn how to do them.

Paleo went really well. My one cheat was Chipotle, because Robb Wolf said "if you have to cheat, have corn and/or rice." I also would occasionally have Wendy's chili when I needed something fast. I also ignored the part where he said "if you have an autoimmune disease, you ought to avoid all grains, as well as dairy and nightshades." Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disease, and I have tested positive at times for anti-thyroid antibodies. So that makes two. I'm pretty dang close to diabetes, as well, so probably not good to ignore...but I was having a hard enough time coping with the idea of no more wheat for the rest of my life. I really grieved what that meant culinarily as well as socially. It really is hard being the person who can't eat a whole bunch of stuff.

When I started working, these became much more regular, so really there was no way I could call my diet "Paleo" anymore, just gluten-free. And I started feeling it. And my weight stood still for the last four months.

Three days ago, Dr. Mercola emailed an article talking about chitin-containing lectins. Lectins are the reason why most grains aren't actually good for you...even sprouted grains. But these chitin-containing lectins are functionally identical to gluten. The body reacts the same way. No big deal...I don't eat most grains. But the problem is -- I do eat a ton of nightshades. Tomatoes, peppers, potatoes (I know...I'm not supposed to eat those potatoes!!!).

When I was body typed years ago, I was told to avoid nightshades. But I love them. When I went Paleo, I was told to avoid them. I've heard from many other sources to avoid them also -- and especially if I had joint pain, but I ignored it because they are my "go to" food. For some reason when I read it this time, it really hit home, but it also made me REALLY mad. So I made it a point to search the topic that wasn't Mercola-based, and unfortunately, I've found a ton.

I've pretty much been nightshade-free for three days, and already feel better, and I've lost three pounds....maybe some of that weight is inflammation going down.

But I'm still mad. I mean "shaking my fist at fate" mad.

Here's a non-Mercola article on the same subject:

I'm not posting this kind of stuff to guilt anybody...just to inform, because a lot of this stuff isn't mainstream, and as the article says -- maybe those who are taking glucosamine/condroitin and arthritis meds, etc. would be better served by eliminating grains and nightshades. And if you are better served for that... you have my complete empathy. It sucks.

Surprising

2011-07-02T14:14:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Maggie and I were driving up Clinton Road, and we saw a Smart Car driving next to us. What I found kind of out of place was that as we were checking it out (and mentioning Top Gear's opinion on them), the driver all of a sudden flicked his cigarette out of his sunroof!!!

Sermon Length

2011-06-26T13:12:00.000-07:00

There is a great deal going on today about sermon length, and the discussions are going along the same lines as most Lutheran discussions go -- "If you don't agree with me, you're wrong."

Some are throwing out there that there is absolutely no reason for a sermon that goes longer than 10-12 minutes and what goes unsaid -- or worse, IS actually said, is that those who go over are poor preachers or poor pastors....and definitely NOT as good as the short sermon guy.

When reasons are given for why short sermons are best they tend to follow this:

1. People have had their attention spans trained by t.v. They can't really focus on a longer sermon because most shows are 30 minutes.

However, that's still a lot longer than 10-12 minutes. And you can say "but commercial breaks divide it up." But with the advent of DVRs, most people don't change channels or go to the restroom during commercials. They watch the whole thing and fast forward through the commercials. Not only that, the most popular shows are not 1/2 an hour, they are a full hour. People also have no problem watching movies that are longer than that. And really, the GREAT attention span trainer, the classroom, say the college lecture hall, goes 50 minutes.

What I also find ironic in this statement, is the very men who throw this one out frequently would completely BALK at having any other aspect of our superficial culture dictate how their service should be. They wouldn't dumb down the liturgy if people didn't understand it. They would instead say they need to be taught about it or get used to it.

2. There is a need to keep the service short -- to an hour.

I'm sorry, I used to be non-denominational, and while I didn't get a proper law-gospel sermon every week -- sometimes it was a lot of law, sometimes it was a lot of gospel, It wasn't unusual for the service to be over 2 hours long, and the sermon itself to be an hour or more. And we WANTED to hear it, to get all that we could out of it. And lest you say that's because it was "entertainment" theology, many strongly liturgical Orthodox services go two hours as well.

Maybe we need to focus on why people don't want to hear more than ten minutes of the very food of their faith, and help them to grow in this desire to hear God's Word through continued preaching and prayer.

But the reality is the criteria of a 10-12 minute sermon is nowhere in the Bible. In fact, there are plenty of examples of sermons going on for hours and hours. There is nothing in the Early Church tradition that lays this out as an ideal. And while we hear it proclaimed that "faith comes by hearing" there is nowhere that says the Holy Spirit works most efficiently in 10-12 minutes.

God called particular men to care for His flock, just as He called certain men to be prophets and apostles. And in the same way that God worked through these men in ways that were completely unique to their personalities, He still does that with pastors. All pastors should strive to be in the Word and continue to grow in their preaching. But this may not mean shorter. It should always mean staying truer to the text. And to a large extent, they should follow their own inclinations in preaching the text in the manner that allows them to feed their flock in the best way they know how. This may take 10 minutes, this may take 20. It used to not be unheard of for it to take far longer.

Each pastor has charge of his own flock. They know what their flock can handle, and they know what their flock is striving with. For another pastor or layman to judge his worth based on how short his sermon is, or whether he wears a chasuble or not, or a myriad of other things that have NOTHING to do with the proclaiming of the Gospel is shallow, simplistic, sinful, and downright nosy. It certainly is not following the 8th Commandment. It's like looking at your friend's wife's butt and comparing it to yours to be reassured that your wife is better. Your wife is simply better because she is the wife God gave you, and you have no business looking, and no business judging on her worth on the basis of her derriere. Judging a sermon or a preacher or a congregation by the timer is akin to that.

Are you truly caring for your own flock so efficiently that you have all this time to worry about other people's flocks on issues that the Bible and our confessions say nothing about?

There are many good sermons that are 8-10 minutes long. There are more bad ones. There are many excellent sermons that are longer. There are also many horrid ones. But the Holy Spirit promises to work through the preaching of the Word, and He doesn't limit himself to a timer.

Those Were the Days

2011-06-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

I find I REALLY am missing the days when the Lutheran Blogosphere was a good and friendly place to share ideas. It was civil. It was fun. Now I am barely ever even motivated to read it, and terrified to write about anything.

Introverts Unite...Seperately, Quietly....

2011-04-04T17:38:00.001-07:00

I thought this was a really good article and wanted to share it.

Caring for Your Introvert

Take Up Your Cross....

2011-02-20T18:51:00.001-08:00

Image via WikipediaOf course I'll take up my cross and follow you, Lord.

But Lord, this one in particular, its too hard....can I have an easier cross? Mine's a little rough.

If I could design the cross I would carry (not to presume anything), it wouldn't look like this cross.

What about carrying it THIS way? I'm not sure that the other way is the best way to carry it.

Can I carry it over here, Lord? I really don't want to go over there. Over here is kind of a nicer place.

I've been carrying this cross for a while Lord. Can I have a break? Can I stop now? Can I carry a different cross?

I know that others have heavier crosses, but this one is too much for ME.

Thank you, Lord, for dying on the cross and rising again for me. Because I'm a wimp, Lord, and I think I can do it better my way, and I kick and scream and whine all the way, just like the Children of Israel. Thank you for your loving patience, and for your forgiveness.

What the Seminaries Should Actually Tell Candidate Wives...

2011-02-20T08:16:00.000-08:00

This is excellent. I was one of those women who got married just before vicarage and then worked after we got back to Fort Wayne, but I can still say - yes, this is right on the money.

What the Seminaries Should Actually Tell Candidate Wives Instead of all the Overblown and Unnecessary Stuff They Do Tell Them.

Please read the comments. What Anonymous says is also very beautiful

A Wedding Thought

2011-02-10T15:34:00.000-08:00

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.....And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. " Philippians 1:3-6, 9-11 ESV

This is our wedding text. I remember when we picked it, I chose the New American Standard Version, because NIV and New King James didn't say "partnership." They said "fellowship." I was marrying a guy who was studying to be a pastor, maybe even a missionary. We were partners in that.

I was even a little ticked that the pastor focused his sermon on the prayer, rather than on the first part, the partnership, the journey we were embarking on together. That's why I chose it. That's what a marriage is, isn't it? Instead he went through the gifts that God would give and how He would sustain us and sanctify us. I didn't like that I was irritated about that. But I was.

The irony was, I chose not to say "obey" in our vows because I felt the weight of the Law in that. The Lutheran Worship text said "regard as the I regard Christ" and I was fine with that. After all, I try to obey Christ. I was concerned others wouldn't understand what I meant if I said "obey," and I knew what a huge failure I would be at trying to keep that vow. I'm a stubborn, untrusting soul, and I know it.

Looking back now, if I had any common sense, the word "partnership" would've freaked me out way more than "obey."Because you want to talk about not being able to keep something...at least the way I intended it, and it is that word. I've turned my back on that concept so many different times its amazing. And it is only by the grace of God that we are still married, happily married.

Understanding the doctrine of the Divine Call, I am happy not to be a partner in the ministry. But I turn my back on the things I should do often enough, and cause pain frequently. I often sin in expecting my husband to be a more perfect partner than I am.

The one thing I can say looking back over the last sixteen years is that Pastor Barth was right. The prayer is where the emphasis should've been. There's the promise. Christ is bringing the good work He began in us to completion, though it will not be complete until He returns. Over the years, we have grown in love, knowledge, and discernment together, in ways we didn't even think at the time that we needed. And Christ is certainly our righteousness. We could not stand before God at all without being clothed in Christ. It was a solid promise that Christ was and is sustaining our union.

I am so blessed to have my husband, and I don't deserve him in the least -- as I don't deserve ANY of the blessings that God has so richly blessed me with.

The Holy Spirit and Liturgy

2011-01-22T09:08:00.001-08:00

Image via WikipediaI follow Rick Warren on Twitter. Probably a mistake. Most of what he posts is pretty inconsequential. Occasionally, he's right on. Every once in a while, way off base.

The night before last he tweeted: "You cannot choreograph the Holy Spirit. Pentecost never happens in a completely scripted worship service."

Usually, he takes the position that different people need different "worship styles." This statement however seemed like a direct attack on the liturgy, and since this statement is often how non-liturgical Christians seem to perceive the liturgy, it seemed worth addressing.

Dictionary.com defines liturgy as:

a form of public worship; ritual
a of formularies for public worship.
an arrangement of services.
a particular form of the Eucharistic service.
the service of the this service (Divine Liturgy) in the Eastern Church.

It's an order of worship. Something that is basically done every time. Loosely speaking, the nondenominational church that I went to when I was eighteen had a liturgy -- half an hour of music, an hour of sermon, fifteen minutes of music, altar call, another ten minutes of worship. (Yes, Lutherans, that's a two hour service, and I did say an hour sermon). Really, it was very scripted, and everyone there fully expected the Holy Spirit to do His job.

Every church has some amount of scripting. Even Joel Osteen's opening "This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess my mind is alert, my heart is receptive; Ill never be the same. In Jesus name, God bless you " is in this sense, liturgical.

In the Lutheran Church, we go by a liturgy that is generally in the hymnal. It is similar to the Catholic mass and has developed through the historic worship traditions of the Church. We have thrown out any practice that was against the teachings of Scripture. What it is, really is a constant flow of Bible verses being either recited, sung, or chanted back and forth between the pastor and congregation.

The liturgy follows a progression. First, we invite God into our presence with the Invocation : "In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." These are the words said at our baptisms -- the name of the Triune God -- our claim to the right to be in His presence, because we were made one in Christ through that baptism. It reminds us that God has promised us this.

Then, being in God's presence, which makes us aware of our sinfulness, we confess our sins through a corporate confession, and the pastor absolves us of our sins. Then, we launch into prayer that God provides for us (Introit) and the Hymn of Praise. Being forgiven, we can go to God in all confidence and expect that He will sustain His church and we can praise Him for the gifts He has given us. Then we hear His word through the readings, confess our faith together through the Apostles or Nicene Creed, and hear God's Word preached to us. Then, having been fed through His Word, we bring Him our gifts out of what He has given us, we bring our concerns to Him through the prayers of the Church, and then we prepare to receive His Body and Blood, where the Holy Spirit feeds us, sanctifies us, and sustains us. Then the pastor blesses us and sends us back out into the world. Interspersed in the service are hymns.

There is often criticism that a liturgical worship takes the brains and heart out of the worship. There are times I've felt that, too. But in reality, there are hundreds of Bible verses being said there. We are being nurtured there. By saying them over and over again, they are entering our hearts. Sometimes we don't realize this is happening. But God promises us that He works through His Word...whether we feel fully conscious of it or not. For " all Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

It doesn't matter if you've said it before. Bring it into your heart and meditate on it. Learn it by memory. Scripted does not mean less authentic. In fact, it often means more authentic. It is harder to error when we are using the very inspired words of God, and the words and worship that The Church has used through the centuries.

The Dictionary.com verb definition of "worship" is "to render religious reverence and homage to; to feel an adoring reverence or regard for (any person or thing)."

Often, Christians tend to focus on the nature of the 2nd part of that definition -- what we feel. And when we pay this reverence, we focus on what makes us feel that way, rather than what actually conveys reverence to the receiver. In our casual days, we have often eliminated our dress as conveying reverence, what we say, how we act (bowing, folding hands, refraining from conversation) are less important than the fact that we feel warmth, awe, etc. We lift up our hands rather than get down on our knees. We choose music that we enjoy, rather than music that conveys any sense of form or formality. And we focus on whether it matters to us, whether we think we need it. We look at traditions and because we don't understand them and weren't taught what they mean, we decide they don't matter, rather than seeking their meaning before we decide that, even though the Church throughout history has chosen to observe that tradition. We can even go so far as to say things that are in Scripture don't matter to God -- whether the pastor is male or female, married or not, homosexual or heterosexual.

We tend to view worship as something WE do. So in worshiping God, we are giving a piece of ourselves as we are. The historic view of the Lutheran Church and other confessional church bodies has actually been the opposite. The Sunday liturgical service is called "The Divine Service" not because it is a church service having to do with God, but because through the liturgy, the preaching, and Holy Communion, God is coming into our presence and SERVING us. Through these divine things (and I am defining the liturgy as divine because it is composed of Scripture), the Holy Spirit comes to us, assures us of our forgiveness, nurtures us, strengthens us, and sanctifies us. Our praise is the response to this, but the entire focus of the service is what God is doing for us.

That is also why the historic view of the church service is that the worship service is for the believer. What Pastor Warren is also failing to see in this statement is that the miracle of Pentecost did not happen in the church service, it happened in the streets. And as soon as the Holy Spirit created believers of the masses of people who heard the apostles preach, He then caused them to gather in Solomon's Portico to worship, learn, and strengthen each other -- to become a congregation.

Christ promised us that the Holy Spirit works through the Word and the Sacraments. Administering the Word and Sacraments are most often scripted. And whether it is loosely scripted or strongly scripted, if the Word and the Sacraments are there, He is working to create and strengthen faith in those who hear.

Orthorexia

2011-01-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

(cross-posted on both blogs)

* Do you spend more than 3 hours a day thinking about your diet?
* Do you plan your meals several days ahead?
* Is the nutritional value of your meal more important than the pleasure of eating it?
* Has the quality of your life decreased as the quality of your diet has increased?
* Have you become stricter with yourself lately?
* Does your self-esteem get a boost from eating healthily?
* Have you given up foods you used to enjoy in order to eat the 'right' foods?
* Does your diet make it difficult for you to eat out, distancing you from family and friends?
* Do you feel guilty when you stray from your diet?
* Do you feel at peace with yourself and in total control when you eat healthily?

(from: Lisa's Life Lessons)

There are a lot of questions about this list that come to mind, chiefly who made it? There are a lot of corporations out there that would benefit from converting a solid concern with eating healthy into a disorder.

There are two questions that define a disorder (According to Dr. Winter, my Psy 101 prof - the only man ever who has managed to get me up, alert, and interested on a consistent basis at 8 a.m.). These questions listed above don't facilitate getting good answers to the two key questions.

First of all -- is the behavior abnormal? And by abnormal, it means, does it deviate from the norm. In our culture, I'd say "normal" is pretty wide, because there are certainly subcultures that would support and uplift this thinking and behavior. While in the overall culture, eating organic and going out of the way to seek healthy foods and avoid harmful ones is abnormal, one cannot overlook the cultural system that the person is in.

This leads to the second question -- is the behavior deviant? That is, does it keep the person from functioning in a healthy manner? The question about socializing with family and friends probably comes closest to assessing that. But again, if the person does have social support, eating healthily helps the person feel good about himself, and it is feeding the person's body with nutritious substances, then it probably does not fall under deviant, even if more than four questions can be answered "yes." The one about feeling guilty is another one that looks like it could assess for deviancy, however, it doesn't measure degree of guilt (from "dang, shouldn't have eaten that" to utter despair), and how that guilt effects the person's overall functionality. It's misleading.

A person can be so obsessed with how they eat that it does get in the way of their functioning, but I have seen this already used across the board to describe people who care about eating real food, who go against the mainstream diet, yet manage to hold jobs, raise their families, and enjoy life -- and make enjoying that food a significant part of it.

For most of the history of humankind -- devoting a good deal of our energy toward what we will eat has been central to existence. Being able to open a few packages and have something whipped up in twenty minutes, or to pull into a drive thru is NOT normal, anthropologically speaking. Being able to do this together, and to enjoy these things together is a core part of what community has been about through most of the history of people. And when we look at how food is raised now (See Michael Pollan's book, The Omnivore's Dilemma), what it is doing to our environment, and what it is doing to our own bodies and health...if you asked a cultural anthropologist, it would be pretty clear which is deviant.

Some of the questions describe healthy behavior. Any organizational expert, chef, etc. will tell you that making a menu before you shop for groceries is healthy. It also saves you money.

And what about self-esteem for eating well? Watch food commercials, read magazine articles in women's magazines -- We are conditioned to feel good about making good food decisions. We're supposed to want to feel good about eating right. And listen to all the talk about obesity and overeating-- there certainly is conditioning in our culture for obsessing about what we eat and feeling bad about it.

Another important question is "why?" For instance, as of two months ago, I could answer yes to several of these questions. I have celiac disease. I've really had a hard time adjusting to the idea of it, and I certainly can say my that my quality of life has gone down. I don't eat at restaurants I used to love, I don't cook the foods I used to love to cook, and I get to lie to people about how good the cookies were that they gave us for Christmas.

But which would truly be the disorder -- to keep eating in a way that was destroying me and was severely hindering my function, or to be able to eat at McDonalds whenever I wanted?

What they also fail to evaluate in this is when a person CHANGES, it takes all their energy to focus on that change until new habits develop. And sometimes, the way we focus on things that matter to us does separate us from those we love.

It doesn't seem to be anything new to me -- as someone who chose staying at home instead of working, driving one car (to save money), family bed, extended breastfeeding, homeschooling, and even marrying a pastor -- my life is full of decisions that have separated me from my friends and family for something that I felt was more important.

One thing to note here -- trying to eat healthy in a counter-cultural way has been around for a long time, and despite the "disorder" language used here, orthorexia is not included in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual IVTR, (DSMIV-TR), nor are they planning on including it in the DSM V. If the person's obsession with food is truly inhibiting their function, it often will fit under a diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or one of the existent eating disorders. This has all the marks of a propaganda movement on the part of the food industries, because in the end, you're not an obsessive foodie if you eat low fat Dannon yogurt and Special K cereal all the time. You're an obsessive foodie if you decide you want something other than what is in the grocery store.

Obsessive Foodies Are Sick (theawl.com)
Orthorexia: An Unhealthy Obsession With Healthy Eating (health.usnews.com)

A Homeschooling Article, Local Style

2011-01-16T21:02:00.001-08:00

My friend Linda was interviewed for a homeschooling article for our local paper: "A Lifestyle of Learning."

The Temmes are an amazing family. Pastor Temme is in my husband's circuit, and our kids have been in choir together for years. I was so thrilled they were interviewed for this and wanted to pass it on.

Also, a little feedback on the article is due, not with anything Linda said, but with some other things mentioned. Often homeschoolers are portrayed as having to really have their acts together in order to pull this off. Since I lean toward the very unstructured side of things, I took a bit of an issue with Mr. Tenney's statement about "Get organized or die." We seem to get things done pretty well using the "by gosh and by golly" method. I find that while we all may have some faults that make homeschooling harder on ourselves, what tends to work best is something that's compatible with the way you and your family relate to the world, and that "delicate balance of structure and getting things done" tends to fit into that.

But you don't have to be really organized to homeschool your children, and it doesn't have to absorb your entire day (teaching one-on-one goes very quickly because you know whether they get it or not, and so much of classroom time is just absorbed in group management). So if it is something you are considering, know that these are issues that can be worked around. There are so many different approaches to homeschooling, and what is "legitimate" for your family may be completely different for someone else's.

What the mother mentioned about the needs of her sixteen month old coming first is right on. One of the things about homeschooling is that the children are learning in the midst of life, they haven't been pulled out of real life in order to learn...and the truth about real life is that when a little one needs love, that comes first. It's a really good lesson to teach kids -- to learn to function in the midst of life, to be able to suspend what they need for others. And when things are taken care of, we return to the routine.

Also, there are MANY reasons that families homeschool. You don't have to be religious or have that as your main priority. Many people of many different religions (or who have none at all), choose to homeschool their kids all the time. You can be liberal or conservative politically, or not even give a whoop.

The article is right. There are SO many different resources out there that whatever your reasons or needs for homeschooling, you are very likely to find something to meet it. Quite often, as a Lutheran, I find I have more theological problems with many of the religious curricula out there, I have a tendency to look at secular curricula, but freely discuss how our beliefs flow through what we are studying, and use the Bible, the Small Catechism, and the Book of Concord often. When your faith flows through your life, and prayer, devotions, etc. have their proper place, it is easy to bring them into everything else.

Together We Thrive?

2011-01-12T21:17:00.001-08:00

Why "Together We Thrive?" How about "Together We Mourn?"

What is so wrong with grieving? What is wrong with being angry, searching for meaning? Why do we have to go right to a place of strength, jump to a place of "hope?"

Why do there have to be t-shirts?

I'm not trying to be snide, picky, or mean. Really, I'm not. This just doesn't seem right. Tragedy shouldn't have an upbeat slogan. People who are grieving shouldn't feel compelled to cheer up. The message of hope in the eulogy shouldn't be about how strong WE are, when we've just been shown how truly weak we are.

I don't know...this just seems really...I don't know. The only words that come to mind are askew and incongruent. Hardly words that fit, either.

Cough, Cough, Hack, Sniffle, Sigh

2011-01-12T21:04:00.000-08:00

EVERYONE in the house is sick, and it hasn't been some minor cold, either. It went Maggie, Me, Chris, and Jeff. Usually either Jeff gets sick first or I get sick first, but then one is pretty much recovered. Not this time. The kids were sleeping on the pull out beds in the living room because they could barely move, and we were often isolated in our bedroom because there was no room in the living room. Coughs, sneezing, draining, exhaustion, fevers, chills, and a bit of nausea has been the norm. It's been a long time since something has hit us this hard.

While I would be very overdramatic to say that it compared to the time when everybody in the Ingalls family got sick in Little House on the Prairie (you know...the time Ma thought it was watermelon that got them sick?), this did make me think about what it would be like to have everybody in the house really sick and have animals to take care of...because getting out to feed the rabbits has been hard enough. I can't imagine what it would be like back in the day to be sicker than this, and have horses to feed or cows to milk.

Maggie and I are only left with a bit of stuffiness and a cough. Jeff is sounding better, but his went into bronchitis almost right away. Chris is the one kind of still in the midst of it.

New Year's Resolutions

2011-01-03T20:46:00.000-08:00

I'm generally not big on New Year's Resolutions, but this year, I do have a few, since it is my last year in my 30's. They are all pretty much related.

1. I am going to exercise at least three times per week. We gave ourselves the Wii Fit Balance Board for Christmas, and we are all having fun with that. I see that as really helping through these next few Winter months. It keeps track of goals, work out sessions, etc. And as a mother, I really admire its skill with guilt trips.

That being said, Wuhu Island is fabulous, and I want to move there.

2. I want to move my bedtime up, at least to 11:30. I know 10 p.m. would be better, but right now that is a HUGE change. I am convinced that my body still operates on Pacific Time. Here, even seven years later, I still go to bed 3 hours later than in California, and wake up about 3 hours later. I've read that some people just don't have the ability to adjust to time zones, especially over several, and continue with health problems until they return to their home time zone. I hope that is not me.

3. 30 pounds (45 total) by my 40th birthday. That's not my final destination - about half way to my final goal. 30 pounds puts me at a place where I was at least a lot more functional and content with my body than I am now. I wasn't snoring, my cycles were regular, and I could fit into clothes I actually liked.

In the end, my goal is to be healthier, not perfect. Not being able to eat grains or sugar has made a huge difference toward those ends. But with all that I've given up recently...I'm definitely skipping out on the "giving up something for Lent" this year. There's nothing left except sex.

So, do you have any resolutions? I'd love to hear them.

Christmas

2010-12-25T19:14:00.000-08:00

Over all, this has been a really nice Christmas. It seems like the whole season lacked some of the rush that is normally there, probably because I wasn't working. Shopping was tremendously uncomplicated, and it left everything much more open to enjoy the progress of Advent toward Christ's birth, and also enjoying my family through the month.

The Christmas Eve service was wonderful, followed by our tradition of eating late (some Christmas Eve's later than others. This was a really late one). I found out that this is actually a tradition in some cultures. A friend on Facebook mentioned that they were having dinner at the stroke of midnight, and called it Noche Buena. Other friends mentioned that their French-Canadian relatives did the same thing and called it Reveillon. Since it was so late, we sent the kids to bed and decorated our tree today after presents (had to get those packages out of the way).

After church today, we had some eggs and then opened presents. I'm going to enjoy mine. The kids got me a mandoline, which I have wanted for years. Jeff had me pick out a new food processor. My little Braun is sixteen years old, and was a nice size for the two of us, but I need more sophistication for the way I cook now. We spent the day enjoying each other and learning how to use the new Wii Fit that we got as our family gift. That's been a lot of fun. It was an amazing family day. Have I mentioned that I have great kids?

Dinner was roasted cauliflower-curry soup, broiled salmon with hollandaise sauce, asparagus, pumpkin pie with an almond meal crust, and maple-coconut milk ice cream.

Music

2010-12-20T22:01:00.001-08:00

Image via WikipediaJeff and I were in Chipotle tonight, and heard an amazing remake of "Heart of Glass" (originally by Blondie. 1940's - Andrew's Sisters Style. Found it tonight -- It's the Puppini Sisters. Have a listen.

What God Has Joined Together

2010-12-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

I was reading a story today that was commenting on how marriage is dying as an institution in our society. The story talked about cohabitation and homosexuality, socioeconomic differences, etc. It also pointed out that among Christians, the divorce rate is just as high as among non-Christians, and we as Christians have not held up our end in promoting marriage as a good place to be.

So many times, when I hear Christians talk about marriage, the emphasis put on the promises that we make to each other "For better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health."

When a couple comes to the altar and says those vows to each other, usually the joy of the day and being in love mask the depth of what those vows mean. Everything is simply beautiful and dreamy. We're promising our lives, our love to each other forever. Sigh...Image via Wikipedia.

But it is not those promises that join us together. It is God.

When the couple later hits difficult times, and Satan, the World, and our sinful flesh attack , often they are reminded of those promises that they made. And at that time, those promises weigh heavy -- Those vows come back and scream "you haven't done this ....your spouse certainly hasn't done this." "I didn't mean this." "This is going to go on for the rest of my life." "I have NO idea how to fix this. It can't be fixed." And the final conclusion -- "I can't save this. I made a mistake. Fixing this means stopping it."

And often couples get battered over the head and heart by those promises they made that were really too big for them, if keeping them relied solely on them. As Christians, we are not alone in the sustaining of our marriage. The Lord who created marriage is there.

It strikes me that in our baptismal and confirmation rites, when we make promises regarding steadfastness, our oath is "I do, by the grace of God." In the wedding rite, instead of an "I do" or an "I will" the vow really should be "I do, by the grace of God."

Because the strength of the Christian marriage is not the husband's strength or the wife's strength. It is the strength of God. The strength of the very God who sent His Son to die on the cross and rise again. And after the promises that the bride and the groom make to each other, we hear God's promise to us.

"What God has joined together..."

I'm convinced where we are falling down with marriage is that we are marriage pietists. In almost every other aspect of life, when we Lutherans talk about sanctification, we talk about how the Holy Spirit sustains, strengthens, guides us through all things. In teaching and counseling on marriage, the emphasis still tends to be on the promise WE make. Not the promise God makes.

In those words "What God has joined together," He has promised to bless the union that takes place. He promises to sustain it. He promises to guide it and strengthen it. And He promises that He is the one supporting it when it seems like there is absolutely no way that it can last one more day. That marriage didn't rely on the judgment or the feelings that were there when the engagement happened or on the day the vows were made. It wasn't the husband and wife that made that marriage. It is God that made that marriage. He made two people become one. And once he's done that, He's not going to leave it to those two people to keep it together by their own strength. It wasn't a mistake. No matter what the difficulties were, God allowed that marriage to happen and He PROMISES to bless you through your husband or wife.

And just like when we lose our jobs, when we've lost a loved one, when we are called to war, or when we face bankruptcy -- we trust that God will provide and get us through. Its the same with marriage. The answer is not "to suck it up and fly right," the answer is to trust that God will fix it, even when we can't individually find a way, and be patient and wait in that promise.

Social science bears that out -- in study after study, couples who have reported significant marital dissatisfaction, five years later, if they remained together, a vast majority report a great amount of satisfaction with their marriage and happiness. Those who divorced on average report much lower levels of happiness.

The Bible promises that we will have hard times, and that these times of suffering shape us and strengthen us, and that God will not give us more than we can handle. Those bad times happen in marriage, too. I don't know why we don't expect it to. It's the most intimate relationship we will ever have. It is a reflection of Christ's bond with His bride, the Church. Of course, Satan is going to use that to attack us. It is our most vulnerable point. God will sustain us through these times. And these times strengthen us, strengthen our faith, strengthen our bond with each other, and they bless us, just as surely as the romantic dates and the great sex do.

Rather than focusing on the law, we need to focus on the gospel, because it is surely there. God created the marriage that happened between the handsome guy in the tux and the pretty girl in the white gown, not the vows that they repeated or wrote. He will sustain it.

The gospel is that there were no mistakes made on your wedding day, because God sanctioned the marriage. God made the two one. And God was there between you, promising to sustain that marriage. If we base our marriage teaching on this promise and when we counsel those who are in trouble, maybe Christians will be able to stay married simply by doing what we are supposed to do -- lean not on our own understanding, but instead trust in God to provide all that is needed in our marriages, as in everything else. Because He will.

(note: this does not necessarily apply to situations that the Bible addresses -- such as where Christ says that divorce is permissible in cases where the spouse has abandoned the marriage or broken it through adultery. Eventually it becomes impossible to save a marriage when the other person has determined to destroy it)

Why Do People Use Drugs

2010-12-11T21:16:00.000-08:00

This is a discussion question that is part of an assignment for my Chemical Dependency class that just started.

This was the question:

Why you think drug abuse is prevalent in society today? Submit at least five top reasons to justify your answer.

This is my answer. Looking through a lot of the other answers, many were answering from the text, so I decided to go a different direction.

I'm reading this question as looking for five reasons for why I think drugs are prevalent. So according to that, this is about the only direction I can go. Generally, I don't integrate my faith with my coursework, but in the end I really can't get around it with this question (not that I think there is anything wrong with that. While I am always processing things within the context of my faith, I usually don't express it as so. People vary on that).

When I work down to the very core of the issue, I think people use drugs because the world is broken by sin. Sin not just the act of doing something wrong, but it flows through all of creation, tainting what is good to varying degrees, so that nothing truly works the way that it should. Here are five reasons that I think are results of sin, and also support why drug abuse is common in our society.

1. People hurt, physically and emotionally. They seek to ease that hurt, avoid it, feel better. Drugs alter their mental state so that for a time, they can feel better and avoid pain. They also enjoy feeling relaxed or thrilled.

2. People get sick. Either in the case of mental illness or physical illness, they often self-medicate or drugs can be given to them that are addictive.

3. People are mean. Child abuse, sexual abuse, crime, prostitution, human trafficking, etc.. Stronger people take advantage of weaker people, and unfortunately, drugs often flow through these situations.

4. People want money -- and from the lowest level of dealing and smuggling, to the highest level of organized crime, there is money in drugs.

5 People crave things that hurt them. While drugs are actually harmful for the body, a sin-broken body can crave and desire and adapt to being "fed" chemicals that are bad for them, at least for a time, but still continue to crave and desire them even when the harm is very very clear..

A Month Later

2010-12-10T16:22:00.000-08:00

It's been a little over a month since I went Paleo, in response to the realization that I was reacting big time to wheat and for all functional purposes, have celiac disease.

Mentally, it was quite an adjustment, as some of you saw. Stress this month has been high, both because of the lifestyle change for me -- especially the cooking all the time, cleaning all the time, etc., but also because these last couple of months have been some of the tightest we've experienced in a LONG time, and I was really thinking we were getting past that.

I suppose mentally, I've never really had food take such a role in my life that I had to think about it constantly - 3 meals a day plus snacks. When I cooked, it was actually because I wanted to cook, when I didn't -- it was McDonalds, Wendy's, or Sonic. (Unfortunately, when I decided that Wendy's had the better iced tea, I think I single-handedly drove the northeast Indiana Sonics into bankruptcy) I know that sounds kind of pathetic of me, but I just never really got this part of life down, and as much as I love food, real food, I really enjoyed not having it be something that I had to focus on unless I wanted to (even if I did feel like crap and was eating terribly, despite having good food in my fridge and freezer).

Anyway, I see good things happening. My house is cleaner. In the last week or so, I've had people over that I've meant to have over for a long time. I am actually starting to see my thinking change in regards to meals. I'm even developing new strategies for coping with breakfast -- from leftovers to making muffins or pumpkin pie ahead of time, that are actually paleo, as well.

The moods are stabilizing. I can see my mood swings becoming less drastic -- including the "I don't want to do this" tantrums. My back doesn't hurt anymore, my cycle is no longer absent, my skin thinks about getting clearer.

On the weight side, while things have definitely slowed down, I've lost fourteen pounds this month, as well as 3 inches around my waist. My fasting blood sugar has dropped points as well. I don't test it all the time, but at the beginning of the month, it was at 114-115. It is now around 105. Now that's motivation to keep going -- to get out of the pre-diabetes range.

I have found I am reacting to corn, as well. Tortilla chips will cause my digestive system to do flips. No big loss. I really don't like corn all that much, anyway.

I can't say my feelings on the matter are any different, but I'm coping. And in many ways, I am thankful. I have awesome friends and family. God is providing what we need, not to mention He gave me extra Autumn before we headed into Winter. I hope Spring is as beautiful as Fall was. :)

(Okay, really....brownies??? Who didn't know that brownies contain flour?)

If I Could Erase One Animal From the Face of the Earth

2010-12-04T20:25:00.000-08:00

Image via Wikipedia(from NaBloPoMo)

If I could erase one animal from the face of the earth, without a doubt, it would be the mosquito. I despise them. They spread disease, itchiness, and dread.

A few years ago, after a lot of Summer rains and flooding, we ended up having an infestation. Octogenarian farmers were saying that they had seen it that bad. The air was thick with them. If we stepped out of doors, we mosquitoes would swarm at us. I sent my son to feed the rabbits in protective gear. We had mosquito netting over the rabbit cages. We kept the dog inside.

There were mosquitoes bigger than I had ever seen. I was told that those were the ones that carried West Nile Virus. I don't know if that was true. Before that Summer, I just considered them a nuisance. Now they seriously freak me out.

It's also why I am thankful that we switched Daylight Savings Time, because here, very few come out in the day (except during that Summer), and with DST, grilling, baseball games, and gardening duties can all be done before the evil bloodsucking beasts become active.

Food Blog

2010-12-01T20:43:00.000-08:00

Since so much of my life right now is centered around food -- having to think of what I am going to eat, and then preparing it, I've decided to stop neglecting my foodie blog -- Nourishing Rebellion.

Stop by and take a look. I'll be posting some of what I am fixing, as well as issues regarding Nourishing Traditions type eating (pastured meat and eggs, traditional fats, lacto-fermentation, etc.), Paleo/Primal eating, Celiac and PCOS stuff, and just enjoyment of food, because food is yummy.

And I will definitely be trying to work on more here, too. :)

Body Scanning

2010-11-28T21:36:00.000-08:00

If you know me on Facebook, you will probably have noticed that I have been particularly appalled by the inhumanity and the unconstitutionality of the new policies and procedures utilized by the TSA.

I found this article by blogger Jason Bell, a molecular biologist and physicist working on his Ph.D. - who holds a particular interest in this area. It is well written, and pretty easy to understand why we should be concerned about the radiation issue regarding the scanners.

Big Changes

2010-11-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

I mentioned recently that I recently have changed my diet because of celiac disease.

I've known for years that I don't react well to gluten, especially that foggy-headed feeling, fertility and cycle issues, emotional swings, etc. The times I have managed to get off of it, I have felt so much better, but since I had a polycystic ovarian syndrome diagnosis, my focus was always on the relationship that carbohydrate digestion had in relation to how I felt.

When I was on Atkins, I felt considerably better. Six years ago, when he still took insurance, I went to Dr. Mercola's clinic. The first thing they do (and I think it is being offered for free right now on his site), is metabolic typing, which is related to the work of Paul Chek and others (its not the blood test, but picks up on signs on how fast you digest, and whether you are digesting foods thoroughly). The right food for my metabolic type -- which was a fast oxidizer -- meaning I wasn't digesting much, and I needed higher fat/protein, and fewer carbohydrates. I did that for three months, and felt amazingly well (why I fell off is another story). Also they did sensitivity testing -- the kind where you hold a container holding a potential irritant, and they tell you to hold out your other arm, and try to press your arm down. I am highly skeptical of that, but I did not tell her about my known sensitivities to dairy and soy, and my suspicion about wheat, and I could discern no difference in how she pressed down on my arm, yet I couldn't hold my arm up against the pressure when I held those things, and also corn. I never even had skin contact with these, though. Maybe the body is much more aware of threats in our surroundings than we are consciously aware of.

But in my "on the go" lifestyle, I didn't seem to have enough motivation. Three months ago, though, I had surgery on an umbilical hernia caused by my c-section scar in my muscle wall opening up again. After that, things got worse. I've read on several sites that celiac can start after surgeries.

I was dealing with frequent diarrhea, and something called steatorrhea I'll let you read about it if you want to, because it's not pleasant, but its a sign that I wasn't absorbing nurients. My ability to cope and think straight were rapidly declining. When I had my check up with my endocrinologist, the blood tests came back very low for vitamin D, and I am taking a lot.

Given my experience before, and the fact that I also have pre-diabetes (hyper-insulinemia, insulin resistance, Syndrome X...it has lots of names), my inclination has not been to go to substitute flours and products. I don't have the patience or desire to try a whole bunch of things that range from really bad to "almost as good as wheat," and to deal with my kids complaining about it. Rice flour and other flours are also just as much simple carbohydrate, and not good for my blood sugar issues. So after reading a lot about my options, looking at my past experience, I decided that Paleo eating was the best method for me and my family (though obviously, my family is not under the same level of restrictions. The kids can have treats, these treats are just not going to sit around the house).

Basically, paleo eating is based on the work of Dr. Loren Cordain. I reject the evolutionary basis of it, but still think know that this type of eating is fairly pleasant for me, seems to work well with my metabolism, and has a history of working well with people with metabolic issues and gluten issues, and has been known to reverse autoimmune damage such as Hashimotos, celiac, and even Diabetes type 1. It is simply eating meat, vegetables, and fruit. No grains, no sugar. Unlike Atkins, it doesn't restrict the amount of vegetables. The resource I am using most is a book by Robb Wolf, called The Paleo Solution, with more deference to grassfed meats, coconut oil and milk, etc.. It's a good read.

I know. Lots of people with celiac still eat rice, quinoa, and other grains, and what about beans? From what I have read in many sources, legumes and most grains, and particularly quinoa, while they don't contain gluten, still have chemicals in them that are supposed to irritate our gut -- and keep it from healing so that I start absorbing nutrients better again. The two most important of these irritants are saponins -- a soap like coating on grains and quinoa (quinoa has ALOT), and phytic acids. Some of these can be washed away or soaked in a slightly acidic water, but not all can be removed, so for that reason, all grains and legumes will be avoided -- except that my one "fast food" exception is a steak bowl at Chipotle - with rice and beans. It's my one coping fall back. I'm really not allowing others.

But I'm good at roasting or grilling. We already get grassfed meat and pastured chicken and eggs, and raw milk. So there's going to be a lot of taking care of my self, having soups made with my homemade bone broths, more coconut products than previously, because those are very healing to the gut and the immune system, and stuff like that.

Unfortunately, when diets change this drastically, there is a detox phenomenon. For some it is barely noticeable. For me, it often is. Sometimes it is getting really sick. More often it is getting really emotional. And going right from the emotions of the malabsorption I was experiencing to the detox of the diet change, it was really rough. And the toxins that are sometimes released are neurotransmitters that are linked to some very real issues. Considering that this last year has brought a lot of stress to the surface in regard to my parents and siblings, finances, my domestic abilities, and other issues, they are all coming back up.

And I do seem to be through most of it. I was really touched by my friends' responses (and the turkey soup!!!). Thank you, very much. You guys mean the world to me. You really do.

Regrets

2010-11-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

I took some dorky Facebook personality test a month or so ago, and it said that I make decisions based on trying to avoid regret. I had a friend respond that he thought nothing could be far from the truth. That amused me, because I was absolutely astonished --because I've never seen some off the wall statement like that have me pegged so well. And I don't think its a bad thing. It helps me put things into perspective.

Generally, I'm not talking "afraid of regrets," because often, no matter which decision is made, there are regrets. It doesn't do to be afraid of them, though I think that it is natural.

For instance -- my husband and I really had quite a rocky engagement. But through it, I consciously knew that guys like him were few and far between. And deep down, I knew that I was far more likely to regret sending him packing than I was to expend the effort to work our way through the problems.

As I expressed in my previous post, I get pretty torn up sometimes about being the homeschooling housewife. It wasn't what I planned. It isn't where my gifts are. But in the end, every time I looked at going to work with small children, and then what our educational alternatives are, I've come to the conclusion that my regret would be greater if I didn't stay with my children. What they would lose is greater than what I would gain.

Sometimes this philosophy has led me to embrace big changes. Other times, it has preserved the status quo. I can't say that my emotions are always in agreement...or that regret doesn't still rear its head, or that I don't get wistful for the things that I wanted, rather than what was more wise.

And yes...emotionally I'm doing better.

Not Cut Out for This

2010-11-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

(warning -- major tirade...you really DON'T have to read this.)

I'm losing it today. I probably shouldn't, but I am.

I'm not domestic. I wasn't raised to be domestic. In fact, my parents did a terrible job imparting domestic skills to me. I got punished and berated quite frequently for not doing my chores right, being organized, etc., but they never bothered with actually teaching me HOW to do these things or imparting these habits. Being ten years younger than anyone else in my household, my mother just thought it simpler to clean when I wasn't around. The few chores they did give me, such as vacuuming, I never did right. No, that's not the way it was said. Usually, my mom would look over the room and say "You didn't vacuum this."

These skills didn't matter. I was going to go to college and have a career. That's what I was told was important from when I was little. They kind of overlooked the fact that I still have to live somewhere and eat...even without the unthinkable possibility that I might end up "wasting my life" at home with my kids, doing a sucky job keeping house.

So I suck...REALLY suck at keeping house. And I hate it. Not that I haven't done Flylady, read books, etc. I still suck. And for this post, please spare me the "this worked for me bit." Because that's not the point.

I can say that I understand the VALUE of keeping house. I respect the sanctity of the home, the love that it imparts to my family, and the noble ideas of it all. But I still hate it. I WANT to like it. I know all about the doctine of vocation, too, and so I don't need to hear from the traditionalists who want to tell me that if I wanted to do anything else, I would be disobeying God's will. Bite me.

I went to college to be a therapist, to interact with the world. To help others. Now eighteen years later, I still don't have that frigging Masters degree done because of kids and moves and other stuff. I know that raising good kids is probably the best way to help the world not go down the toilet. I even know that to a large extent, despite all my "issues," I'm erasing a lot of the damage that my parents passed on to me.

I have managed to teach myself to cook, and I'm damn good at it. But cooking means cleaning. It's a never ending Sisyphean battle. When I clean, I find that I get extremely angry. I feel the paralyzing rage that I felt being stuck in those no-win situations growing up. I can just feel it flood up within me....which is probably the plus side of my also not doing a good job of imparting these skills to my children.

When I was growing up, the promise of the future was that I would be able to study something I was interested in and spend my life doing something that I enjoyed. Instead, 80% of my life SHOULD be devoted to something that I completely despise and suck at (and I'd be happy just to feel like I merely tolerate it). And I am surrounded by the proof that I suck at it.

This has become all the more clear this week, because I generally avoid the distress by eating out way too much, because eating out means no dishes, no food falling on the floor, etc. But I recently learned that I have celiac disease...or at least all the symptoms of it. There are now very few places that I CAN eat, especially cheaply (and no, I don't want the list of those, either). This is probably a blessing in disguise, because it means that rather than cooking 3-4 times a week, I am cooking every day, for most all meals (and no, I really don't want any advice here, either...or any recommendations on great gluten free pasta or baking products). I've lost ten pounds, and health-wise, I feel better, and the rushed trips to the bathroom have lessened considerably. But it means I am even more immersed in dishes and dirty floors, and stoves that need cleaned, and more time in a house that is a constant reminder of my inadequacies.

And I still suck at it.

I am completely overwhelmed.

I know I finally need to grow up and finally do this. But right now, I just want to hide in bed and cry...and punch something...repeatedly.

Thanks for listening. I may want some of those tips on all of these things later. Just not now.

Ways to Show Appreciation for Your Pastor's Wife

2010-11-09T20:33:00.000-08:00

I saw this tweeted today. Thought I'd post it. Pass it on :)

Ways to Show Appreciation for Your Minister's Wife

NaBloPoMo: Favorite Song

2010-11-09T17:30:00.000-08:00

What was your favorite song this year? Five years ago? Ten years ago? Twenty?

"If It's Love" by Train. Its unique but it glories in simple love, which is rare anymore.

Five years ago? No clue. I even looked at the Billboard Lists for 2005, and the only thing I remember was "Honkytonk Badonkadonk." And that wasn't exactly a pleasant memory.

Ten years ago - "Carlene" by Phil Vassar.

Twenty years ago: Oh wow. I was 19 then, so EVERY song had some deep, intense meaning to me (well, except "Do Me" by Bel Biv Davoe)

But it had to be Wilson Philip's "Hold On" was my anthem. I had just moved out of my parents' house, was in college, and dealing with lots of "codependency issues," because that's what they called it then. I'd be more embarrassed about that, but it was # 1 for the year. :)

Not only that but Chynna Phillips had awesome hair.

If Housing Was Free (NaBloPoMo entry)

2010-11-01T18:57:00.000-07:00

How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?

There are many people who think that since we live in a parsonage, my home is free. It's not. When a parsonage is part of the package, the salary is significantly less. The district guidelines calculates its value at 25% of salary. Basically, 25% of my husband's paycheck is automatically withdrawn before we are paid. So if my home were free, our household income would increase by 25%. That would be a nice raise.

NaBloPoMo

2010-11-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

While many of you are doing National Novel Writing Month or whatever its called, I've decided to give this a try this month....looks interesting, and might get me back into the habit.

http://www.nablopomo.com/

The Autism Spectrum Test and other Diagnostic Tools

2010-10-25T16:18:00.000-07:00

There is an autism spectrum test going around on the internet (especially Facebook). It is real. It is used clinically. If you score high, it does not mean you are autistic or there is something wrong with you. IT ALSO DOES NOT MEAN THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE TEST.

These tests are standardized, meaning they have tested them on thousands of people to establish a range of what is normal compared to those who they know have autism. It is not a joke. It is a tool. And tools are used for particular purposes. It does not mean it is a bad test when it is used outside the context it was designed for.

This is a screener, and it does a very good job of screening. It is meant to rule things out, not to diagnose. If you scored low on the test, it meant you had a lot of answers that fell into the Mildly Agree or Mildly Disagree categories. Guess what? A person firmly in the Autism Spectrum does NOT experience life that way. Either they are overstimulated or they are not, either they like you, or they don't, they can't just *kind of* not deal with change well, they just really DON'T deal with change well. Either a person picks up on another's emotional cues, or they REALLY don't.

So a counselor administers this test, and if the client scored low, they say "well, it's not autism." If the client scored higher, they say "lets look at this more." They might find that the client shows other signs of autism. They also might find that the client is an introverted person who operates more in his head than in his emotions and is rather picky....as most Lutherans are.

ANY test used for diagnosis should be used this way. Getting a certain score on a written test, unlike taking a test in school, does not mean you have something. It means it should simply be considered. You can still be quite healthy and normal and score fairly high on this test. It's simply that if you score low on this test, you do NOT have autism.

Twelve

2010-10-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a rough month. October always hits me fairly hard. I know Winter is coming. It also is insanely busy. I'm almost always working in October, school, church is always busy, kids start in on their lessons (yeah, right). October is always riddled with stress in a way no other month is.

But the usual chaos was kicked off with a mind-blowing realization for me.

Noah would be twelve.

My son, Noah, died in pregnancy at 16 or 17 weeks, and he was delivered on October 1st, 1998. After I was induced, I held his little, beautiful body in my hand, admired his perfectly-shaped hands and feet. Jeff and I got to say goodbye to him, grieve him, have him cremated, and have a memorial service for him.

When we were still in California, we'd go away on his birthday and do something nice for us, because it was always a rough time, and we felt the date coming before we even were aware what was making us out of sorts. Somewhere in that process, we'd release a balloon for Noah. We stopped doing that when we moved here. I don't know why. Maybe because on the first October 1st in Indiana, our heads were still spinning from the travel, from being sick, and from moving in. But his birthday came and went without us noticing.

But I still notice. My husband and I usually do something, if only talk about it.

This year was different. Twelve. It doesn't seem like twelve years. Actually, some years it seems like fifty.

But when comparing kids, two years can be a big difference, developmentally. Ten years old is a lot different than twelve years old. But twelve is not a whole lot different than thirteen-only-four-weeks-from fourteen. And I have one of those walking around the house. Nope. Not much different at all.

And that really drives the truth home. I should be having two boys who are eating me out of house and home or who are obsessed with how their height compares to mine. There should be two boys who are looking at high school and beyond. And there should be two boys who bugging me to drive them to Game Stop and kicking the snot out of each other on the Wii.

What should be hasn't felt this tangible since I could imagine holding Noah in my arms. But this month, Noah's absence is very real.

A Thought

2010-09-06T12:56:00.000-07:00

I tend to have a real aversion to curriculum that dictates exactly how you are supposed to do and say something. Teaching Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons is like that. Saxon Math is kind of like that. I've fled from these two curricula because of it. It grates on me. I find it insulting to my intelligence. I don't homeschool to teach my kids the way someone else says I should.

However, I find it absolutely humorous that my job -- working as a field interviewer doing research studies -- is EXACTLY that. Say this..do this...inflect it like this. And it has only taken me five years to figure that out.

What's also intriguing is following my thought process now that I have realized that...when thirty minutes ago, I loved my job. I'll get there again, probably in about an hour. Because what is really interesting and provides the variety are the people that I am interviewing.

Why Raw Milk?

2010-09-02T20:16:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaA very good, basic article on why raw milk is a MUCH better option.

Salmonella

2010-08-31T10:29:00.000-07:00

Image via WikipediaOn Twitter - @coorganic just tweeted "Wright County Egg, one of the two factory farms responsible for the current salmonella scandal, has 7.5 million egg-laying chickens!"

7.5 million. So these chickens, kept in small cages (and they'd need about 500,000 employees to keep those cages well cleaned), lay eggs daily that get sent across the country, packaged in whatever brand package is popular in your area, and you eat it. These chickens never see sunshine, and eat whatever food is given to them -- that is usually a huge mix of foods that no chicken would ever dream of eating naturally.

We are seeing this over and over again with meat, pork, chicken, and egg infestations. Is it any wonder that chickens raised in this environment would get salmonella? And the answer...give them vaccines against salmonella. So rather than treating animals right, giving them feed that they were meant to digest, and keeping them in good conditions, the answer is to vaccinate them and pasteurize the eggs so that they can continue to sell you meat and eggs that are raised in these kinds of conditions.

That's what pasteurization made possible -- back at the turn of the 20th century, they were keeping milk cows in cities in facilities that were unclean, feeding them mash from beer companies, and tuberculosis was happening. So pasteurization, which was meant for beer, made it so they could continue to raise diseased cows in disgusting conditions and still sell you the milk that they make. Hormones make it so they can make more milk than their bodies are capable of handling, and when they get mastitis and other infections, antibiotics that they load them with help keep the cow going, and you from getting sick...but you know, there's pus in your milk.

Not only that, but when animals are kept in these conditions, without sun, with bad feed, no exercise -- there are next to NO nutrients in their milk, meat, and eggs. With all the soy that they feed cattle, it is now a problem that animal fat goes rancid like soybean oil does.

There is an answer. You are not going to be part of a national food poisoning epidemic if you get eggs from as local of a source as you can -- from chickens that were raised cage-free in pastures. The best option is to get your meat, eggs, and dairy from a farmer who is focused on providing to local people. They don't even mind that you look around the farm and see how they do their job and how the animals are treated.

You can complain that these eggs cost $3.00 as opposed to $1.25, but you are getting a ton more nutrients that you need, rather than eggs that are worth next to nothing. Plus the knowledge that the animals were treated humanely while they lived.

From Luther

2010-08-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

Luther from his House Postils (from Pastor Weedon):

"To sum it all up: we will be good Christians, first of all, when we have a firm faith and trust in God's goodness; second, when we are grateful to God and our fellowmen; and third, when we patiently tolerate ingratitude as we keep on doing good to all people.

In any case, nine people will be ungrateful for every one who is grateful and thanks you for a good deed. And it may well be that the one who thanks you and is grateful is the one of whom you least expected it, just like this Samaritan. May our loving Lord God grant his grace that we remember this and keep growing in our sanctification. Amen."

Take 10 Minutes -- Every Christian (Especially Lutheran and Protestant) Ought to See This

2010-08-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

And the link to the document he references:

Real Food Rookies

2010-08-27T13:33:00.000-07:00

One of the blogs that I follow -- Kelly the Kitchen Kop, is offering an e-class called "Real Food for Rookies."

Image via Wikipedia

If You:

Hate high fructose corn syrup and artificial flavors and colors?
Are repulsed by cafeteria school lunches
Think it's wrong that McDonald's chicken nuggets contain *lighter fluid*
Support small farmers and eating locally

Then this class is a good place to start learning HOW to actually make it work without getting overwhelming.

If you've read me for any length of time, you know I don't really advertise or promote things. But over the past several months, I have learned SO much from Kelly and a few of the other blogs that are part of the Real Food Media Network that work so hard to promote real food raised healthily...and well-prepared.

So go here to check it out. I do get compensated for this, just so you know. But I know so many moms who start this direction and get overwhelmed by it (including me) that I really do think this could be a big help (I'm taking a different class right now by another member of the Real Food Media Group, and it is REALLY good.)

Rejecting Industrialized Sex

2010-08-23T10:26:00.000-07:00

This is an amazing post on sex from the First Things Blog. And of course, the comparison to industrialized eating is great, too.

Canon 7D vs. Barbie Video Girl

2010-08-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

This is really funny.

A New Tea Bracket

2010-08-19T15:47:00.001-07:00

I knew it was dangerous. The stuff that I was perfectly happy with that was $3.50 a box for a ton of teabags was fine. It was even organic. Tazo was fine, too, though not quite the bargain with it's fewer bags. It was Earl Grey, cold.

But no....after having some of Mighty Leaf Currant Iced Tea at a restaurant in Chicago (I went in 3 times a day for it), I'd done a good job resisting the expensive box sitting on the shelf in Meijer, because they didn't have the CURRANT iced tea. Last night, though, I gave in. I was probably tired. My resistance was weak. I figured "what harm could it do?" I got the sampler pack since I'm trying to have more iced tea at home, rather than out.

I'm in love. It was TOO good. I've moved up to a new tea bracket. There's no going back. My tastebuds have been opened. The Orange Dulce has completely captivated me in it's little silky tea bag surged with THREAD all the way to it's pretty tag that even instructs me delicately how long to let it steep in all its graciousness. It's tea leaves in a classy negligee and it's like drinking liquid ambrosia (nectar of the gods, NOT a bizarre marshmallow salad).

Dang you, Mighty Leaf!

Submitting to Your Husband as to the Lord

2010-08-18T13:56:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, I stumbled upon a book in the book store that taught me more about submitting to my husband than anything I had ever read. It was called The Surrendered Wife, by Laura Doyle. It was actually a bit disappointing that it was a secular book. I wish I could've found this kind of common sense from a believer. But she did have a lot of wisdom. I learned a lot of things from her. (for the record, there were things I completely disagreed with also, like her stance that men "need" porn).

A few of the things I learned are these:

1. To learn to think of my husband as basically a good man. -- It is SO easy to gripe about our husbands, isn't it? To build up in anger over little things like not putting clothes in the clothes hamper or rinsing dishes, forgetting that I too do a lot that he could gripe about as well. It is almost the ultimate feminine bonding experience to sit around complaining about what our husbands do that is so completely insensitive. But my husband loves me. My husband wants the best for me. My husband wants to make me happy. These things are true. On top of that -- my husband doesn't abuse me. My husband doesn't do drugs and isn't an alcoholic. He's not cheating on me. Where he usually "falls short" is usually regarding things he doesn't understand. He's a good man, and he deserves my loyalty, my patience, and a good reputation amongst my friends, because he comes into contact with them as well and shouldn't have to wonder about what I have said.

2. Since he is a good man and an intelligent man, he doesn't need me to tell him how to do everything and how to think about everything. After he made the wonderfully intelligent decision to marry me, he didn't suddenly become an idiot, and even though I didn't realize that was what I was doing when I was offering an opinion on everything under the sun, I was treating him like he was an idiot.

3. A correllary to that -- My husband deserves to have a relationship with his children without me getting in the middle. I always thought I was doing a favor when I suggested things they should do, or when my husband was mad at my son -- interpreting what my son really meant by what he said or what he really needed. My husband is a smart man who loves his son. He might not always express himself the way I would've wanted him to (not that it was bad, and not that I am perfect either), he can figure it out, and since he's not abusive -- he will not do lasting harm to our child. I wasn't giving him the freedom to be totally himself with Chris, or to let Chris relate directly with him and learn that he could indeed handle it.

4. A lot of marriage problems are caused by the woman trying to control the situation.

5. Men need to be respected and showed that they are respected. Women need to be treasured. (Almost sounds like Ephesians 5, doesn't it?). We've been told so many times that we want to be equals in a relationship, but really, we don't. A relationship isn't 50-50, its 100-100. At times, when one is weaker than the other, one compensates for the other. But in reality, we want to be treated like equals in the workplace -- at home, we want to be treasured. Loved. Shown that we are special and prized beyond rubies or diamonds. We really don't want to have a relationship where we are tallying up and keeping a record of who gave the most to the relationship this week, or who is doing the most chores.

6. My husband needs me to communicate with him about what I need. Women often expect the men to be mind readers, and we shrug it off as common sense. It's not. My husband needs to know what I like and what is important to me. And just as much, he needs to know what I can't do. And it is okay to say "I can't do that" and then let him figure out what to do.

When I started doing these things (or not doing the harmful stuff), I didn't tell my husband that I wasn't doing them. I didn't tell him what I was doing. The book told me not to. But I also remember the wisdom from a couple of pastors that went like this: "The Bible doesn't say "submit to your husband IF he loves you like Christ loved the Church. (and vice versa). It's your business to submit, because you are trusting that God gave you your husband...not because he's earned it or he's good enough."

And this brings me to something that I've been thinking about for a long time. What does it mean to submit to my husband as to the Lord? The question in the end is "what does it mean to submit to the Lord?"

Different things go through my head -- "Come unto me all you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. " "Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will rescue you." "Suffer not the little children to come unto me, for such is the kingdom of God." And from the Catechism "...as a dear child talks to his dear father." "...thank and praise, serve and obey Him." "We should fear, love, and trust in God above all things." "but call upon it [his name] in every trouble, pray, praise, and give thanks." "Give us this day our daily bread"

In the end, what does God want from me? He wants me to be thankful, and He wants me...no, He commands me, to come to Him when I need something. To ask Him. To bring my EVERY concern and desire of my heart to Him as a child does to his father -- without worrying about whether it is appropriate, and then trust Him that He who sent His very own Son to die for me will give me EVERY good thing (even when it isn't in the way I think God should do it).

So, I keep coming back to the idea that submitting to my husband as to the Lord is the same thing. I'm to be thankful for the gift that God has given me in him and trust that God will bless me through him....because he has promised to. I am also to let him know what is in my heart. What I think, what I want, what I need....and even what I don't think I can handle and don't want. And then, I'm to trust that he is going to love me and lead me, taking my desires and my welfare into account (even when he isn't doing it in the way I think he should do it).

I keep coming back to the fact that it isn't really about blind obedience or losing myself. It's about going to my husband and trusting that he will love me, that he will forgive me, that he will treasure me, and that he will lead our family knowing what I need - because I told him.

Will he be perfect? No. He hasn't been and he won't be. But after sixteen years, I can certainly see how many of those things God has used for good, even when they hurt like crazy. I'm married to a sinner. I'm a sinner. So we do the best we can, we forgive each other, and we keep loving, confiding, and trusting. God is the one who is really providing for me through my husband. And my loving Father has certainly done a better job of taking care of me through my husband than I ever could've done myself.

Comments

2010-08-18T12:04:00.000-07:00

I apparently accidentally turned off the ability to comment. My apologies. It's fixed now :)

Holy Communion Quote.

2010-08-14T21:29:00.001-07:00

(another Wordpress post..I'm transferring it here)

“Lutherans don’t get into transubstantiation or consubstantiation or ‘how can the finite hold on to the infinite?’– We don’t worry about any of that. How do we know Jesus’s body and blood are really there in the bread and the wine? Because He said so. If I’m in the Sunday School teaching the children why the body and blood are really there, I would tell them “because Jesus said so.” If I go to the [Lutheran] seminary and the great doctors of our faith are discussing the same thing, the answer is STILL simply “Because He said so.” — Rev. Jeffrey Horn, sermon 2/7

Helping Children in Church

2010-08-14T21:27:00.001-07:00

(I wrote this when I was on Wordpress...I wanted to repost it here)

How children should behave in church, and what limits should be set can be quite a contentious issue. Personally, I like children in church. I don’t even think it is tantamount to a crime to hear them babbling or fussing in church. Over the years as a pastor’s wife and a La Leche League Leader, I’ve heard so many stories about getting the evil eye by simply walking into the sanctuary with a babe in arms or a toddler. Obviously, if your child is proving to be a distraction or too loud for others to hear, it is a matter of consideration to take them out and deal with it. What that means is defined by your family perspective on it and the age and temperment of your child.

But I am a firm believer in “faith comes by hearing,” and children certainly belong in the presence of their savior, and need to be a part of the body of all believers from the instant they are baptized. I am always scared that nurseries, children’s church, or Sunday school during church give one of two (or both) messages to children: That they don’t belong in the presence of God, or that they should be involved in activities that are more fun than church. Either message can be incredibly damaging to their faith. We segregate so many aspects of life according to age, I don’t believe worshiping our Lord and receiving His gifts is an area where we should be doing this.

That being said, having children in church can be a challenge. I ought to know. As a pastor’s wife, I am a single parent on Sunday. With so many men who are not involved in church anymore, and so many babies not born into nuclear, married families—many women are put in the position that if they want to go to church, they have to take care of their kids alone, and so many of them put off the challenge of having children in church until an age when they might be easier to handle.

I don’t think there is an age that is “easier to handle.” Babies and toddlers are truly a challenge, but they don’t get easier, they just change how they fight against it, if they are not used to it.

I don’t want to make it seem like I believe this is easy. There were days I stayed home because I wasn’t up to the fight of keeping Maggie in the pew that day or dealing with Chris’s moods (he definitely was NOT a morning person. A wonderfully friendly person would go up to him and say “Good morning, Christopher, and he would glare at them and yell “NOOOO” and then bury his head in my shoulder). And there were days when I wonder why I was there because I didn’t hear a word of the sermon, wasn’t able to go to communion, etc. and I was exhausted or in tears the rest of the day (which is why having a husband or family there with you is wonderful.) But as I sit with my kids in church now, and even watch them frequently go to church even when I can’t, simply because they want to, I know that it was worth it.

So here are some things that did make it easier for me:

1. Sit in front. Most parents have a tendency to sit in the back because they don’t feel like the whole church sees when their children act up, and they can make an easy exit. But scooch down to your child’s level. They can’t see anything besides the back of people’s heads. They don’t see why they are there. They often behave a lot better when they can see what is going on.

In our church, there are side aisles, so while I sat up front, I didn’t necessarily sit front and center, so I could still make an easy exit. There even was a door off to the side to a hallway. But even if you don’t have that, it is less distracting to everyone than you think if you need to walk down the aisle (side) or the nave.

2. Bring quiet toys, non-messy snacks, and a drink in a bottle or sippy cup (or discreetly nurse). The fact of the matter is, young children don’t have the attention span to deal with nothing but church for the whole service, and having something quiet to do helps, and if nothing else, it helps you. Chris used to love to stack hymnals, and when he got done, he would put them in a new stack. Plastic animals, stuffed animals, Hot Wheels (if your kid is not the kind that goes Vrroomm) or coloring books can be a help. And also, kids behave better when their blood sugar is even. Something like Cheerios is generally fine. And, having a drink right there means there is one less reason to take them out which means you get to hear more.

3. Pay attention to what is developmentally appropriate. For instance, a baby or toddler will have difficulty sitting still. He is not being rebellious or difficult, his mind is just hard-wired for movement at that age. Also, take into account temperament. My son Chris could sit still and become absorbed in books at an early age. At the same age, Maggie needed to move.

I would take my kids out if they couldn’t sit still, but somewhere around late two or early three, it became clear to me that it wasn’t that my child COULDN’T keep from being active, he just didn’t want to. This was then more of an issue of limits rather than ability. When this became the case, leaving the sanctuary meant that we went and sat perfectly still in a chair for 5 minutes out in the parish hall. They then learned that since snacks, coloring books, etc. were still in the church, they could actually do more in church than they could if we left.

Children are even hard-wired to challenge limits. My rule was they could play quietly in the pew, but couldn’t leave the pew. Maggie would go to the edge of the pew, get “that look” in her eye and then bolt. We’d do the chair in the parish hall thing and then I’d ask, “are you ready to go sit in the pew now?” Often, especially at first, we’d be right back in the parish hall in five minutes. After a while, it became a non-issue. As frustrating as this is, it is actually quite normal, and is part of their learning to think for themselves. Your job is to set good limits and make them stick!

I know a discussion on my homeschool board had where some parents with each five minutes their child was good they’d give them a pile of tokens and then take one away for each infraction during church. With my kids, just leaning over and whispering to them, “you are being SO good” was enough. If I were doing tokens and such, I’d be inclined to give them one every five minutes that they were good rather than take them away. Some kids will do anything to keep from losing one, and with my kids — Maggie probably would’ve cried, and Chris would’ve debated with me why he shouldn’t have lost it.

3. Try 1-2-3 Magic. This is a book or video you can generally get in the library or at Barnes and Noble/Borders. When I was working as a social worker, this was one of the programs we taught to parents who were in the DCS system. IT takes the emotion out of it, which is nice, and sets clear warnings. I was going out of my mind with my daughter who bounces off the walls, and when I started using it, it helped SO much. It worked great in the home, but it worked MARVELOUSLY in church. Maggie was three, and very active. She’d forget to whisper if she had to tell me something, I could just hold up one finger. Three minutes later, she might start trying to walk out of the pew. I’d gently grab her wrist (my reflexes were getting pretty good by this point) and bring her back and hold up two fingers. If something else happened that was not right, within that fifteen minute time period, she got a time out. At first, I went out with her, but eventually, I could just have her stand right in the hallway, in view through the doorway, and then just wave her back when I wanted to. I wasn’t missing church anymore because of her!!

It also wasn’t long before we rarely ever got to three.

So, what worked or works for you? I’d be eager to hear, and I’m sure it would help other parents as well.

The Twenty Worst Christians Ever

2010-08-14T21:23:00.000-07:00

This is a great article at First Things.

An Amazing Step Forward

2010-08-14T21:21:00.000-07:00

See those pillows? They mark a great victory. I come from a long line of women that don't really get around to those sorts of "luxuries." You know..the sorts of things that kind of make a house a home. There is always something more important, and there is always the possibility of being questioned regarding whether they are appropriate spending....

So I have pillows. Pretty pillows. And they also settled the question as to what color my walls will be. Ice blue. I want the feel of the ocean. I've been toying around with sea greens, even periwinkle...but it will be blue.

Maybe someday I'll even figure out what kind of pictures to put behind that couch. Or get end tables.

Why I Homeschool

2010-08-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

Why do I homeschool? One word: socialization.

That may seem like a bizarre reason, since the first protest that I always hear against homeschooling is that schools provide socialization. There is something to the way homeschoolers socialize with each other that warms my heart, and in the end, it was the reason that drove me to homeschooling in the first place.

Being True to Yourself
When my oldest was two, I was at the park with a friend of mine, Lori, who homeschooled her eight kids. Jeff and I had recently started discussing homeschooling as a possibility, and so I asked her why she homeschooled. I expected something like academics, cost, or religious reasons, so what she said surprised me.

Lori pointed to her son, who was currently occupied with his toddler little brother -- the baby was sitting on a skateboard, and the older boy was pushing him around gently, making car noises.

"Look at him" she said. "He LOVES his little brother. And he isn't ashamed of it. He could care less what anyone else thinks about it. He is active in sports and he goes to Scouts, and when the boys there cuss or get into mischief, Zack doesn't feel like he has to follow along because he doesn't spend most of his waking hours with those kids. He doesn't need their approval because he spends most of his days with his family -- people who love him unconditionally for who he is."

This warmed my heart. I had an emotional, easily over-stimulated little boy who had one of the most loving, tender hearts I had ever seen. When I thought of him at school, all I could see was misery. He didn't develop the ability to tune out stimulation as early as others. He didn't adapt to change easily. Sometimes he just needed to be alone, and who knows when that that need would rear its immediate, urgent head. School would be hard for a boy who could detect the flash in flourescent lights and hear them hum and who responded to stress with strong emotionality. I could see him being teased and labeled. I take that back -- I knew he would be teased and labeled. And this little boy who started reading at the age of three -- who was incredibly intelligent, might very easily face a boring and frustrating environment. In my heart of hearts, I knew school wasn't right for Chris. I knew he needed to have more time than a mere three or even five years to get that under control, and as his parent -- it was my job to give him that space. I had no doubt he'd get there (okay, I had some doubt), but there was no functional purpose in demanding that he do it by kindergarten -- when I knew he couldn't.

I didn't think about it in these terms, but I remember a father who visited our homeschool Tiger Cub Scout pack -- his wife was trying to convince him to homeschool. "I get it now. These are the geeks. These are the kids who would be beaten up in school, but because they are homeschooled, they are free to be who they are and to be safe." Okay, started off kind of offensive -- probably true, but he went on. "My son has the tenderest heart, and I don't want to see that destroyed. This is GREAT!"

My family spent a few days this last week at the Wisdom and Eloquence Conference at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Fort Wayne this week (always the first week in August -- HIGHLY recommend it). While not just for homeschooling families, there were a lot of us, and it was so amazing to see the way the kids related to each other..and also pursued their interests. I expected parents to be interested in the "Courtship and Marriage" seminar by Pastor Foy -- but it was largely attended by teens -- raised in families, and valuing families, they were already looking at "how do I go about forming my own family?" They attended lots of different presentations on theology and life...because they wanted to, they were interested, and no one was going to tease them about it. And if they did, I doubt they would've cared.

When Jeff and I were talking about this, he commented "Girl Scouts and other organizations can talk about focusing on making girls strong or talk about kids being true to themselves -- but they are fighting a losing battle when most kids go to school each day focused on wearing the right thing, behaving the right way, and making other people happy so that they don't get teased and can fit in."

I remember that pressure. I don't remember it weighing so much when I was in school, but it certainly feels heavy when I think about it now.

Getting Along

Going back to my friend Lori's boy who was playing with his little brother -- that is something I have seen OVER and OVER again. The first day we attended a homeschool park group, there were a group of teens sitting at a table playing Yu-Gi-Oh together, but they didn't shoo the littler kids away. I would see teenage boys picking up preschoolers and holding them on their laps while they played, without missing a beat. They would also scoot over so that six or seven year-olds could squeeze in and then they would explain what they were doing. Sixteen year-olds had no problem with playing with twelve year-olds.

When we were leaving the Wisdom and Eloquence Conference, I walked into the narthex to get my kids, and my son was standing around talking with other teenage boys. One was casually holding his toddler little brother on his hip. My son Chris, at park days, has felt comfortable going and picking up my friends' babies and playing with them. When he starts to feel like he needs a break socially, he'll even take one and go sit in the swing, rocking back and forth until the baby falls asleep. Now that's self-regulation! I also love seeing how the "tween girls" with their natural, God-given fascination with babies and toddlers are free to follow them around, learn about them, play with them. Kids of every age generally are helping their parents with their siblings...and not even realizing they are learning to be good parents. That is something that I am convinced that our age-segregated society has diminished. I don't know how many people I know who have never held a baby until they hold their own.

Another friend of mine commented on the way kids were playing when they got together. They were creative, they were all over the place, they organized some games, and free-played at other times. She had grown up in Liberia, but the same is true here. "That's how kids used to play. They don't play like that anymore. Everything needs to be structured."

These kids are free to be themselves -- and rather than needing to be grouped by grade or age range, they could very easily relate to the youngest and oldest in the group, and make the needed allowances.

I could go into the closeness of family members -- and there is a lot there. My kids aren't perfect, but they do get along most of the time. I'll write about that another time, because it really is a beautiful aspect to homeschooling as well. But every time my family interacts with a group of homeschoolers, I am amazed at the difference and the peace and joy that is there in how the kids relate to each other.

My Husband's Dream Car

2010-08-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

My husband's dream car is a Toyota FJ Cruiser. I saw this one in someone's driveway today.

He wears this every day....Yep. Definitely NOT getting black with a little white top.

Clergy Burnout

2010-08-02T12:20:00.001-07:00

Here's a New York Times story that I saw posted on Facebook on clergy burnout.

It seems to me there is a disconnect. There are lots of stats out there on divorce rates for clergy, but there should be more focus on clergy FAMILY burn out. The two environments feed each other.

I'm not saying "Gee, everything would be all right if we did the whole Happy Homemaker thing right." It's not a judgment statement. Its a reality. When we are stressed and unhappy, men who care about us want to "fix" it. Often, they can't. And also, when they are stressed at work, it effects us, maybe more so than in many other careers -- because we love them, and at the same time are tied into their work community, intimately. I see that over and over again.

It is also interesting that it points out that lack of volunteers because of women being in the workplace was pointed out. There really isn't enough said about how that has hurt congregations. Most of of the mercy work, outreach, social activities, etc. that were done in times past were done by women who could give some of their time when their children were in school, or when older children could help with younger children (decreasing family size has also hurt congregations)-- or who could also help with the church work. They could devote part of their time to these things, without taking real time away from their families, because their families got so much of it. Now, with both parents working, families are stretched for time for themselves. It was easier on the men who also devotedly served because they also weren't dealing with some of the stressors that this puts on a family. I'm sure having extended family close by also helps in this, and when there is extended family in the same congregation, that also counts as family time. But the work that the congregations managed to accomplish when this was the norm is impressive.

Beautiful Irony

2010-07-30T18:48:00.001-07:00

I love Netflix streaming. If you don't have it, I highly recommend it.

Anyway, I was watching this really well done episode of a PBS documentary on the Medici today (don't laugh...we really need to do a better job of covering the Middle Ages/Renaissance this time around). They were talking about Brunelleschi's dome on the top of the Florence Cathedral, and how many things he did to make that dome happen -- in an age where they had forgotten how to make concrete, and on a building that had been waiting over a century for that dome. When they showed Brunelleschi putting in the last brick of the dome -- in a documentary that is entirely about the Italian Renaissance......they played Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus."

Lets hear it for the Germans!!! (or Engish!!) or the Baroque!!

Medical Update

2010-07-29T14:13:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I went in for arthroscopic surgery of an umbilical hernia Monday. Turns out it was bigger than they thought -- my first c-section incision had opened up "a bit." I have no idea how much.

Recovery has been hard. The first day and 1/2 felt just like recovering from my c-section, despite the fact that the incision was in fact, a lot smaller. Turns out there really is a reason for a catheter and those nice beds that change levels and angles. However, it is getting better...more quickly. The nurse who prepped me asked me if I ever wanted any more kids. In a deviation away from my normal answer, I said "Sure." (must be how cute my new godson is). Now -- Nope, no way. AAAGGHHH.

I can get up and down now, and I even laid flat since day one, which is about 6 weeks ahead of schedule after having Maggie. Today I am even wearing a different dress, though the beige tread socks and the slight shuffle might insinuate I came out of a different kind of hospital.

So, thanks for the prayers, I seem to be getting there....keep 'em up :)

My Last First Kiss

2010-07-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

Nineteen years ago today was a Saturday. I know this because we worked at Arrowhead Lutheran Camp, and we had the day off. My good friend Jeff had been backpacking during the regular time camp acknowledged birthdays of the week, so I decided to take him out for his birthday.

After seeing "Naked Gun," we decided to go to the beach and rushed headlong into the discussion we'd been tinkering with over the last couple of weeks...the "what's going on here" discussion. The air was fresh, the seagulls were flying about, the waves were beautiful when we had "the talk." The one where we discussed how impractical anything more than just being friends was, since he was going to be going to seminary in Indiana and I was embarking on my sophomore year in Utah. There now. Nice and sensible.

Within a half an hour, we were liplocked. It took a few more weeks to really come to the conclusion that we weren't doing a good job at this "lets just be friends" thing, but all in all, I think it worked out pretty well.

Happy 19th Anniversary, Sweetie. How 'bout them Dodgers?

Sunday Morning is for Church

2010-07-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

A post that I certainly agree with:

Sunday Morning is for Church

Television

2010-07-28T09:57:00.000-07:00

With Jeff and Chris gone a few weeks ago, I had more opportunities to watch shows I normally wouldn't watch if they are around -- namely "Bones" and "House."

I've probably spent my entire life watching medical shows and police shows (my dad was a cop and couldn't stay away from them...he even had to watch "Hunter," even though he hated it). But I've been wondering more and more, what is our fascination with shows like "NCIS," "Bones," "House," "CSI," etc. Because there certainly are more of them than there ever have been, and they certainly are more gruesome and graphic than they've ever been. They are also more about the patient or the victim and less about the professional than they've ever been.

I remember having a discussion with Pastor Petersen one day about how our lit

Image via Wikipedia

erature and t.v. shows reflect our societal concerns -- aliens in the '60's and '70's, genetically engineered epidemics in the '90's, etc. But what would shows like our modern crime and medical dramas show us?

I believe they show our fear of loss of identity -- loss of community. Think about it. When someone becomes a patient of Dr. House, a team of five doctors doesn't rest until they find what is wrong with you until you are restored to a state of peace again. The investigators in "Law and Order" do not rest until they have done everything they can to bring justice. Bones, Boothe, and the team focus their amazingly obscure knowledge and all of that they have into making sure that the skeleton and disgusting sludge that comes into the Jeffersonian go out with an identity and a solved murder.

How real is this? Most of us don't get a eam of five doctors who will do anything to make sure we are well. Often when we have five doctors, they don't bother to talk to each other much. We deal with one doctor who performs a couple of blood tests and shrugs during the 5 minute visit because they can't figure out why you feel like crap. Must be in your head...unless the blood tests say otherwise. In reality, I doubt that most murder investigations get the kind of energy that CSI, NCIS, Law and Order, or the others devote. Thinking of the loads these cops and attorneys have, I doubt they can devote that kind of energy.

We live in a culture where we are less connected to people. Sometimes (and it shows in the lives of the victims on these shows), there really are very few people who we interact with who make our existence make sense. That level of devotion that we see in these shows, I believe are a reflection of our society to want to believe that each of us matter, in a world where we are relinquished to ID numbers (this is often explicitly expressed in "Bones.") And in a world where we tend to not show ourselves at our most vulnerable, or the parts that we are most ashamed of -- these shows show us at our worst -- reduced to a smelly sludge, or if still alive, vomiting blood and other bodily fluids. But in the end, we are back to ourselves -- with a name and tied to a life.

Nomadic Me

2010-07-27T18:24:00.001-07:00

I'm back. Maybe Wordpress was too tidy for me or maybe I just want something different..but I'm back now and will start posting again soon :)

I'm Moving

2009-11-22T09:24:00.000-08:00

I've been rather torn about what to do with my blog. I haven't been comfortable with this template for a long time, but as it was the only cat I was allowed to have...I couldn't abandon my blog cat. But at the same time I figured I couldn't abandon him either.

But we have cats now. Two of 'em. Cutest little devils....and I do mean devils. And so even though my kids wouldn't let me name either one of them Brixius Northanus, like my blog cat, I no longer feel like he is necessary.

I have also been kind of trying to figure out what to do about my food blog. My journey through food and health is so much a part of me, I don't feel like separating it out, but I feel limited here.

So I'm moving to Word Press. All of my posts are going with me, so no fear! I just have to decide when and where to spend the time to get the template up to speed.

But here is the new addy: http://rebelliouspastorswife.wordpress.com/

Hope to see you there. :)

Why I am for Umpires

2009-10-22T12:20:00.000-07:00

Image by State Library and Archives of Florida via Flickr

Much misery has arisen this playoff season due to inept umpires. I haven't taken the time to see if the same umpire is responsible for some of the frustration from the Twins/Tigers series and the Angels/Yankees series or the Dodgers/Phillies series, but it certainly has plagued all three series. In the Dodger/Phillies game the other night, but teams suffered due to the home plate umpire's radically inconsistent strike zone. Bad umpiring is a difficult thing, because it causes a team to lose hope that their best efforts will still not be good enough.

When this happens, there is always a call for allowing replays in baseball. But despite how much bad calls can disrupt a game, I'm against them.

Baseball is different than most sports. It isn't a simple linear game, or a game regulated by the clock. It is our nation's pasttime, and it encompasses a different spirit than football, which is far more warlike, and basketball, which is, well...I don't know what basketball is.

Baseball is a game of traditions, symbolism, and meaning. It is a where one man, part of a team, goes against another man, also a part of a team. He might completely defeat that man in their battle (home run), or he might get on base through his own skill (a hit), or through the pitcher's inadequacy, or even strategy in deflecting the challenge (walk). The homerun might be his alone, or through his victory, he might be bringing other men home as well, but in the end, his sole victory contributes to the more important victory of the team. How American can that be? One's individual accomplishments combine to bring about the victory or loss of the team. You stand alone, but you are wearing the uniform of the team, your accomplishments are credited to the team, and your well-being is tied to the team. You don't race to the finish line or the goal across the field, directly ahead of you, you run in a circle (or almost a circle) and numerous things want to keep you from progressing your way around until you are safe at home again.

In the midst of that, you have superstitions, preparations, comradery, infighting, etc., that always lend themselves to victories or losses. You even have weather go against you (rainouts). Even rally towels, lights, and noise can be attributed to your downfall, or your enemies.

The umpire is a huge part of this dance. He is there to make sure things are fair, but he isn't always on the ball. He is limited by his own abilities. And that is reflective of life as well. We don't have instant replays in life, and baseball is honestly a microscosm of American life in so many ways.

And so can men in authority who can make mistakes. Accidental or purposeful misjustices happen. And they are probably more rare than we would like to believe...in life and in baseball. But when they do happen, they sting, and they sting hard. And the only answer to it in the game is to have been so much better that bad calls would not have made a difference. But at times, they do. And that's life.

And really, would you want baseball without the arguments with the umpires, the managers getting called out, the force of authority to focus all aggression on? That's part of life, too.

As a mom, sometimes I know that too often, parenting my kids is like calling balls and strikes. Sometimes it is clear, others it is not, and I have to go with what my eyes see, and sometimes I make bad calls (or good calls believed to be bad), and I feel the weight of claims of injustice and scorn, as do cops who are handing out tickets, pastors who are keeping unrepentant sinners from the communion rail, and politicians. The umpire and his ability to make a bad call and to have it remain a bad call on balls and strikes is really another aspect of how baseball is a reflection of life. Taking away the ability of the umpire to be wrong though and still hold on to his authority, denies a part of the life that baseball symbolizes. The life that all of us civilians live (since most linear sports are more like war), the metaphor of the plight of the working man.

And in baseball, the umpires often have the hardest lives -- like the street cop or the line manager, or the school hall monitor. He doesn't make much, comparatively, yet he has authority and insists on respect. He travels even more than the baseball players....and deals with everyone hating him....because he loves the game and knows he adds to it. I think that should continue to be respected, and the umpires should be allowed to have their balls and strikes to themselves. They should lose their jobs if they are truly bad at it, but there is no arguing balls and strikes -- and the camera shouldn't argue them either.

The umpire has bad days. And some will say that there is more at stake than should be allowed to rest on the shoulders of a man having a bad day. But in the end, that's life as well. My kids "suffer" from my inadequacies when I am not on my game as much as other days. Cops are more fair some days than others, teachers have bad days, and kids might be at the other end of their crankiness. But we need to keep in perspective. What is beautiful about the umpire, the baseball game, etc...is while bets are lost, hearts break, dreams are crashed...it really is just a game, and the anxiety and grief produced by a bad call really have less ramifications than in almost any other sphere.

And that, is what I love about baseball. In the end, there is kind of a joy in being able to have catharsis over the playing out of the tragedies and joys of life in a game, rather than through the realities of life. My team is out of it, and partly due to the fault of an umpire who, at least three nights ago, was appallingly inept. But there is always next season.

Forgiving Each Other

2009-09-23T11:01:00.000-07:00

Deaconess Emily Carder has a beautiful post called "Listening to Children" about forgiveness at her blog Quicunque Vult. Not just about children...but what it means to forgive each other as husband and wife. I highly recommend it.

Health Issues

2009-09-19T21:24:00.001-07:00

Doctors exhaust me.

I've had several years experience going to doctors (GP's OB/GYNs, endocrinologists, and reproductive endocrinologists) telling them about clear symptoms that I was having, only to be told "your blood tests are normal" and to be sent away. Despite having unexplained weight gain, difficult periods, acne, difficulty getting pregnant, three miscarriages, acanthosis negricans (darkening under skin folds like armpits, thighs, and under my breasts); it took four doctors before I got my diagnosis of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, because I finally found a doctor that treated the symptoms, rather than the test range (which I was very close on) and who was the first to know that fasting insulin numbers should be less than 10 in a female, not 18 - as the test range stated.

When I was pregnant with Maggie, one of the meds I was on was a low dose of thyroid hormone. Despite feeling constantly nauseous and dehydrated, mentally, I couldn't remember feeling so clear-headed and like things were good. I was taken off the thyroid hormone a few weeks before she was born, and after she was born, descended into postpartum depression. It never occurred to me that the two were related.

When she was a year and 1/2, I did test positive for anti-thyroid antibodies, but since then, have not, but still have felt terrible. I've really stopped responding to my PCOS meds, and feeling so bad, starting a low carb diet AND feeding three others was just more than I can bear.Since our move, I've gone to three doctors, who all have told me that I test normal on the TSH test, and I might want to consider anti-depressants, ADHD meds, and/or gastric bypass, all of which my gut told me were not the problem. I tried calling a highly recommended endocrinologist off of Mary Shomon's thyroid site, (a site I HIGHLY recommend) but couldn't ever get a person to call me back. That was three years ago.

Now in the present, things just kept getting worse. I kept gaining weight, my skin is worse than it has ever been, I look awful, I feel worse. Finally, I tried the endocrinologist again and got a person, and better yet, an appointment. But still, I feared being told that my tests were normal (interpretation: its all in your head.) Dr. Kadambi didn't do that. He listened to the symptoms and immediately prescribed natural thyroid hormone for me. He ran all the blood tests, but wasn't going to make me wait. My symptoms were very descriptive of hypothyroid. He also added Byetta, an insulin helper drug, to my PCOS meds, and promised it would help me lose weight. (12 pounds in the first month, but slow since then).

The blood tests came back, and the thyroid hormone was normal. But next to the range, it said "may not be normal for this patient." Lots of the results said that. He also found a few other things that were not in range. My vitamin D was low, my B12 was low, and so was my Insulin-Like Growth Hormone. He said that would mean a pituitary stimulus test.

I learned that basically, IGH controls all the other endocrine glands, and there was a possibility I was not making much, since I seem to be having problems with several of my endocrine glands. As I sat there with the I.V. in my arm being stimulated, I saw the diagram on the board that listed the symptoms of Insufficient Growth Hormone....and it was describing me -- difficulty losing weight, social anxiety and isolation, problems with fertility and reproductive cycles, insulin resistance, etc.

The test came back with no change. My pituitary pretty much refused to be stimulated, so the next step was to convince my insurance that I needed it, and Eli Lilly took care of that. I got a letter in the mail last night saying that the growth hormone therapy was approved. Dr. Kadambi says that if this works, and he had no doubt that it would, I should be off most everything within a year. The Byetta and the metformin will be unnecessary should I lose enough weight to defeat the insulin resistance, and my pituitary should kick back in. I don't know if that includes the thyroid hormone as well.

I'm eager to see how this goes....and whether or not it will improve my baseball game (just joking). Its nice to be heard. Its nice to have a doctor that is eager to find the answers to the problem. It's definitely nice to feel like I'm moving in the right direction.

Tempers and Tennis

2009-09-13T16:03:00.000-07:00

Something that I am hearing over the last day is that the reaction to Serena's "losing her temper" in the match recently is racism, especially when compared to the reaction to John MacEnroe in the late 70's, early 80's.

I think rather than screaming "racism" we need to look at the fact that the very nature of the media is different now. News and sports are covered 24 hours a day by competitive cable stations, and honestly, there isn't enough news to justify that, so they have to sensationalize. They create drama where there really is very little in order to keep you watching the same way you would stare at a tabloid in the checkout line. If T.O. says something stupid (and really, who is surprised about that?), then it has to be analyzed from all sorts of angles and shock needs to be created. If Brett Favre hasn't decided yet again whether or not he's playing -- its not news if they just report -- "Brett Favre, same deal as last year. let you know what he decides next month." There has to be a "Favre watch" with suspense from every angle as to whether or not he'll sign with this team or that team, an analysis about how the Packers feel about that, etc.

And here's the not so secret: they are hoping things like this happen, and they don't care what athlete does it....because they have to fill hours and hours of discussion for the next week on their syndicated radio shows, and fill up an hour of Sports Center. They don't want you to tune in to check the score of your favorite team and then mosey over to the Food Network.

Are African-American athletes overrepresented in these stories (Barry Bonds, Tiger Woods, T.O., Michael Vick, Shaq, Kobe, etc.)? Yes they are. But only because a lot of really exceptional athletes are African-American.

It wasn't like this when MacEnroe was playing. Sports got five minutes in the local half hour newscast, so at BEST, he would get 2 1/2 minutes for a really good tirade. But those who don't remember how vilified he was for his lack of self-control are kidding themselves, and choosing to remember how much fun it was to watch the temper tantrums. But he was held up as a perfect example of bad sportsmanship, whether he was right or not. His outbursts were even worse when you consider that tennis was just one of those games where etiquette and restraint reigned supreme. But people liked watching him because he was rather creative in his expressions...but he was not respected for them. In many ways, like with T.O., Barry Bonds, and Brett Favre -- we were waiting to see when he'd self-destruct and finally completely lose it. People enjoy a good tragedy -- "he was so talented, but no common sense. " MacEnroe didn't earn respect until after he left the game and grew up.

Serena's getting more heat for protesting and walking off the court than she deserves (barring whether or not she actually threatened the official). It was a shock because she is always so professional. Everyone has a bad day. Unfortunately, the camera was on. When you reap so much from good press...its reasonable (though not fair) that you expect a little heat when you have a bad day, too.

Legislating Morality

2009-09-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

I am always amused/annoyed whenever I hear the phrase "You can't legislate morality." That statement is one of the biggest lies around for one reason:

Laws define what is right and wrong for a society.

When a law is made, so is a moral judgment. Murder is wrong. Theft is wrong. Fraud is wrong. Driving while intoxicated is wrong...etc. Society has determined these are not right and has passed laws that proclaim this and also how the society will deal with those who break these laws. Even my town's proclamations about no dogs in the park is a judgment about whether or not dogs' activities in the park mesh with other people's activities in the park (more probably, its a moral judgment saying "people have been jerks with their dogs in the park).

Also, take a look at our Constitution, particularly the Bill of Rights. It declares that certain freedoms are good. The right to free speech, for worship, to assemble, to bear arms, to not be forced to incriminate oneself -- these are protected under the highest laws of our land because our forefathers agreed these were GOOD (a moral judgment). Our laws even proclaim these rights are above the rights of the government.

When I was a teenager, there was a huge push for tougher drunk driving laws. Whether or not these laws reflected society's increasing concern regarding the dangers of drunk driving, or whether the tougher laws inspired the feelings of the people, it is difficult to tell. Probably both. We are seeing the same process with the "Don't Text and Drive" campaigns now. (God help us that we even need this!)

More people were against abortion when a woman's right to have one was proclaimed by the Supreme Court than years later. Because it is legal, it has become more accepted. Even people who state that they believe its murder often maintain that a woman has a right to do it -- which in and of itself is a contradiction. Under certain circumstances, one person may have the right to take the life of another human being, but murder is when someone takes the life of another person with malice and without having the right to do so.

Morality is legislated all the time. In fact, Aristotle (I believe) stated that the application of morality to an individual is called "Ethics." The application of morality for the good of society is called "Politics." I paraphrase, because I can't find the quote.

You cannot separate law and morality. They are intertwined. And you CAN legislate morality. Except for some administrative laws, legislating is when a governing body making a moral judgment. Really, you can't NOT legislate morality, if you are legislating at all.

Spiritual Warfare

2009-08-30T17:47:00.000-07:00

My friend Lulu has a powerful post up about spiritual warfare.

She is right. We Lutherans often do not acknowledge the reality of spiritual warfare in our lives. We confess "the devil, the world, and our sinful flesh," but often what we see is "the world and our sinful flesh." Satan likes it that way. He doesn't care that we acknowledge his existence, as long as we are fooled by the lies that he tells. As a matter of fact, it often suits him just fine that we don't actually SEE him doing his work.

But he does work, terribly hard. And he loves to draw us away from the Word. It doesn't matter whether it is just introducing little ideas that create doubt or cause pride, or pander to our Old Adam's desire to just jump right into sin and wallow in it.

We like to enjoy mythological stories in our house. In fact, we are reading Homer's "The Odyssey" right now. We think those stories are just interesting stories...but Satan worked through those stories, he did magic that made those gods real to the people in Greece. He encouraged witchcraft, debauchery, and devotion to different gods. I'm sure people really saw nymphs and fawns and such....demons can do that, you know. Justin Martyr writes of the reality of demons behind the false gods, and the Early Church took the satanic influence behind them as a reality.

But for pagans today -- witches, animists, nature worshippers Satanists, and others of the occult . are in Satan's grasp...and Satan does not hide from them. He presents himself as an ally to their cause, lures them with a tiny bit of his power and holds on...sometimes feeling free to be cruel and torturing because he knows that he has them.

But Jesus has defeated Satan, and as much as Satan tries, Christ is victorious. But we need to not be scared of that, and we need to know that he is real, and the Church needs to be a place of comfort and power for those that are fleeing him. Because Satan will try to get them back, and he does. Her call for us to be aware of this, because there are more and more entering the occult constantly -- and there will be those who need Christ and His Church.

My Apologies to Most of You

2009-08-19T11:44:00.000-07:00

I just went through and cleaned out my Bloglines. With my vacation, I had over 2000 posts to read, not to mention how I have been falling behind anyway. So if you mention you wrote about something and I look at you with glazed eyes, it isn't because I don't love you....it's because I just couldn't do it. I'm starting fresh.

Write away!

2009-08-19T11:31:00.001-07:00

Brenda Chryst posted this one the role of pastors wife while I was on vacation. I think she makes some very valid points about how we reflect on our husbands, for better or worse, and is pretty blunt about what place the pastor's wife has in it. From my 12 years experience, she's right on.

Garden Thoughts

2009-08-17T10:29:00.000-07:00

Since I got back from California, the garden has been keeping me busy. When I left, I was not sure anything but the squash was ever going to go ripe, but heat and rain did their magic, and my itty bitty tomato plants, sunflowers, beans, etc. are huge and burgeoning. Along with them, so are the weeds. I weeded the beds right before I left but they were a mess when I got back...correction ARE a mess.

I doubt that I'll come close to recouping the cost of the garden this year. We've had some lettuce, some squash, and will have some tomatoes and other things...but it has been a mild supplement to our diet, and not a huge one, even though its a big one.

But I have learned a ton. I've learned about how to do it next y

Image via Wikipedia

ear, I've learned about heirloom seeds and their benefits over hybrids. I've learned even more about companion planting and that the powdery mildew that is killing my squash, pumpkins, and cucumbers (please God, not the watermelons!) and did so last year as well is caused by heat and humidity (and cucumber bugs that carry it from plant to plant), and that I need to start spraying neem oil or another antifungal BEFORE it starts.

I also think I am figuring out how to plan it all so that I can get it more productive next year...and hopefully how to do subsequent plantings until so we can eat certain things all through the season.

And I'm having fun. A ton of fun. That is definitely worth something.

What it Really Boils Down To

2009-08-08T17:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in limbo....nothing else to say about it.

A few months ago, I started a blog over at Wordpress, and I kind of like it. I can occasionally post one of my hubby's sermons there if I want to, and I like the look -- its clean and crisp.

But I LIKE Blogger, too. I especially like my cat. He's a copyrighted Blogger skin, though, so he can't go with me, and I feel guilty for abandoning him. (I know...I used to have a hard time getting rid of stuffed animals, too. I was afraid I'd hurt their feelings).

So...what say you? I'm going to have you decide. The other blog is www.rebelliouspastorswife.wordpress.com I'd like to do a food one, too, since I keep getting further and further into the Nourishing Traditions/locovore type stuff. I can't decide whether that should be seperate or worked into one site. So just take the poll on the side please :)

Oh Brave New World....

2009-06-18T06:33:00.000-07:00

In Aldous Huxley's Brave New World, there is an interesting little character dynamic that he sets up in his main character, Bernard. Bernard is supposed to be the cream of the crop, an Alpha -- intelligent, handsome, genetically designed to be the best. However, something bizarre happened in all of that, and while intelligent, Bernard is far from handsome. This mistake leaves him always aware that he is different, and kind of on the outside looking in. He notices idiosyncracies in the structured society that most don't.

As a homeschooler, sometimes I feel the same way. I notice things about how the culture of school is woven through our society as a whole that others don't, because I am on the outside. I notice it as a homeschooler in a family of teachers. Family dinners where lesson plans, school field trips, and standardized testing schedules are discussed are the norm when we are visiting. Living in a small town, especially a small town that I am not FROM, makes it clear as well.

A lot of the books that we have been reading lately - Anne of Green Gables, Little House, and also a book on the works of John Dewey -- have left me with a singular thought:

The direction our country is going and the attitudes about fairness might very well be shaped by the fact that everyone is raised in a school system based on grade levels.

In a one room school, where children entered school at different times, had to leave at different times (harvest, etc.), children were taught according to a set of primers. The teacher examined them to see where they would need to start, and then the child would start with that book, rather than the proper book for the child's age. The students were grouped according to those who were in the 1st reader, 2nd reader, 3rd reader, and so on, not by age. This generally put kids together in the classroom who were around the same age, but not necessarily. Socially, kids often grouped together according to general age, but not within the strict limits of one year of age.

If the child worked hard and showed that he knew the material, he could move forward to the next book, when he he was ready. If the child struggled, then the child could take all the time needed to master that skill, and moved on when the child showed proficiency. But -- because it was based on this, not being able to master a particular subject did NOT hold the child back in any others. The child could theoretically be in the 3rd math book but in the 5th reader.

The emphasis for this type of system is on the individual's accomplishments within a set standard. Really, the epitome of the American dream...focused on the individual being able to accomplish to their ability and opportunity within the group.

In a graded school, children are given work and activity that is considered appropriate for their age. All children whose birthdays are within a year of each other are deemed capable of performing the same work according to the same standard. Because everyone is using the same curriculum, a pace needs to be kept, so some excel -- some fall behind, but all are pretty much limited to the same courseload. Only those that REALLY excel beyond all practicality are moved up into a higher grade, where they are completely surrounded by older kids. Those that REALLY fall behind are kept back, where they are completely surrounded by younger kids. So the reality is the "problem" kids in the classroom are the ones who are so smart they are bored, or unable to keep up because of laziness, developmental disability, lack of interest, a homelife not conducive to homework, etc. The ones who aren't able to keep up are given assistance. They don't know what to do with the bright - bored ones. And as far as the kids go, both the bright ones and the ones who can't keep up are the ones who are picked on.

But those are the exceptions and so mainly, everyone does the same thing to the same standard.

For this century, really the social issue has been entitlement and fairness. Do you earn your merits, or is everyone entitled to a certain baseline of benefits in this country. Is it okay to be rich, successful? Or is that a system where the success of one person's success holds others back (sounds like grading on the curve). In previous generations, the ideal was that everyone had the ability to reach as far as their ability and hard work would take them, without giving a lot of lip service to the fact that we don't all start out in the same place. Now, the emphasis is on creating a level playing field....much the way a classroom is set up to be. Those who excel and get rich are considered evil, and the ones who fail are also...with the exception that they are still given help.

I'm sorry if this seems rambling, but really I'm just working through ideas. More may be coming...

The Day's Storms

2009-05-27T20:39:00.000-07:00

Photos were requested from some of my Nevada friends -- greenery and flooding. I can't blame them. I can't get used to the vibrant greens here, having eyes that grew up with browns. They flow through the whole spectrum from kelly green all the way to forest green.

I've probably said this before, but storms in the Midwest are nothing like storms in the West. Back in Vegas, the clouds would spend all day atop the mountains until they got enough ummph to move over them. The lightning storms were beautiful, but the clouds were high. Here, the thunder deafens, the lightning might be 20 feet away, literally (I have driven through a storm where the lightning was striking in fields on either side of me). It is overwhelmingly beautiful and sometimes fearsome. These clouds are probably only fifteen minutes away.

The green isn't fair -- because soccer fields are supposed to be green. The difference is, there are no sprinkler systems.

Here's my garden so far this year. Lots of stuff are not planted yet. The big pile of stuff is mint. The tall stuff is tarragon. Those both came back on their own. There are lots of seeds planted, but not much coming up yet. Its a thick clay that I've been working on...but have a long way to go.

I posted on Facebook today that after yesterday's and today's storms, my garden is like Venice. It was a lot worse when I posted this. The water was 3x as high and through all the paths. It's slowly soaking in. But none of the seedlings were hurt. Raised beds did their job!! We just got done digging these ditches. We'd expanded almost double this year. As a matter of fact, we had to run in with the shovels when the downpour started. Maggie had fun playing in the water.

Manny Bein' Manny

2009-05-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

My friend Barb the Evil Genius said she would like me to write about Manny, since she is an Indians fan, and very familiar with him (and since he's been going around advertising that's where he'd like to finish his career as well). Problem is, its just been too busy and too NICE to sit in here on the computer.

But here goes...STUPID GIT...or something that rhymes with that. I'm not concerned for the Dodgers. Manny has been a powerful influence, and his bat is important, but our guys have been doing just fine without him. I knew he'd be trouble one way or another, and have insisted all through the off-season that we did not want this guy if we could not have a contract that would be short, since he gets arrogant and difficult the more secure he is.

Anyway, so that man, and I use that term loosely -- HCG and all, drags us all through a tortuous contract process, knowing he's taking this stuff. He signs the contract, knowing that if he gets caught, he's of no use to us for 1/3 of the season, and who knows how he will be when he comes back.

Not only that, he's called into question our new record of most wins at home at the beginning of the season. Some say we wouldn't have gotten it if Manny hadn't juiced. I don't know if that is the case, with his sore hammy, he has mostly hit doubles, but then again, pitchers don't want to mess with him. He's also called into question all the success he has been associated with his entire career, including Boston's 2004 World Series.

My personal take...I would love for the Dodgers to sue to nullify his contract. I'm sick of these steroid guys (notice how a lot of them seem to be Boras's guys?). I really don't think that losing a few million and sitting for a month and 1/2 is enough. Manny intentionally signed a contract that he knew he might not be able to fulfill, that would put the Dodgers in a bind if this happened. Emphasize to these jerks that if they do steroids, they could lose it all. I don't think it will stop, really stop, until that hits home.

Final Wishes....

2009-05-15T18:56:00.000-07:00

Today, Jeff and I were doing an errand and driving the van. A sparrow flew in front of the van and I heard a "THUNK" on the grill.

Jeff said that it must be okay, because he saw it fly on the other side of the van, so we drove on until we stopped at a convenience store for something to drink. As we came out, there was a dead sparrow sitting right on our bumper. "Guess I was wrong." Jeff said and went in side for a bag to take care of the poor little thing. "Is it wrong for me to laugh about this?" he asked, showing me the bag fated to be the little bird's final ~~bodybag~~ um resting place.

My Asparagus Barrier

2009-05-08T16:10:00.000-07:00

When we moved here, my daughter was just starting to walk, and quite the bundle of energy. There was no way that I could even contemplate gardening the first couple of years. I was content to see what came up when the snow melted. Growing up in the desert, having hostas and daffodils suddenly appear was a completely new experience. There were definitely things that I just let grow so I could figure out whether they were supposed to be there or were simply a weed. I'm struggling with some of things now because I let them freely grow those first couple of years..but oh well.

One problem with being a pastor's wife is that I never know how long I will live somewhere before God wants us somewhere else. Jeff usually has the guideline that he will not take another call before he's been somewhere five years, because that is just too hard on a congregation. Here is where my struggle comes in.

I love asparagus. I know I should plant asparagus. It's expensive in the stores...and we crave it grilled, in soups, in salads, etc. But it takes three years for asparagus to be fruitful. I also have this block with berry plants and currants, which I want to have very much. But when it comes time to decide what to grow, I always push it aside in favor of things that will harvest this year. Rather selfish of me, I know, because it might be possible that even if God called us somewhere else, the next pastor's wife could possibly appreciate not having to wait for three years, herself.

They are hopefully coming on Monday to till up some more of the field for our vegetable garden to be bigger. maybe I'll reserve some of it for asparagus. Pray for me...hopefully in three years, I'll have asparagus..or someone else will. :-)

Love (and gov't recognition) Makes it Real?

2009-04-25T20:25:00.000-07:00

I saw on a tweet yesterday that there is someone who is pushing for tax credits for pet owners. Now, I'm not talking about what they are doing in California, by possibly allowing someone to deduct their adoption fees. The argument is that to many people, pets are their children. Vet bills are expensive, costs of maintaining the pets are expensive. So there should be a deduction.

Every Christmas, Target goes with a theme for their advertisements. Several years ago, I remember it was the Velveteen Rabbit with Amy Grant singing "Love Makes You Real." Somewhere, I think we got confused on all that.

I love animals. Really, I do. But they're not human. Children are human. Maybe because I have both, I know the difference. I know when I was pregnant with my firstborn, my biggest fear is that he'd be allergic to the animals...what would I do then???? But it was clear to me what I would do, and I would've found homes for those animals or put them in a shelter -- preferably a no kill one, but if I had to, the right is there.

The government doesn't have an interest in making sure you take care of your pet...not beyond nuisance level. Your pet is not going to need an education, grow up, and be able to serve in the military or as a concerned citizen. That is what the tax deduction for children is about. There was a time before the Pill and Global Warming that people thought it was good for our future to have children, and several of them. They not only brought us joy and heartache, but they also helped out the family, took care of each other, and grew up to repeat the cycle.

But to say basically that the government should give you a tax deduction because you chose to bring an animal into your home, but its expensive -- that a deduction is in order because you wanted something to love...now that's just silly. But silliness abounds.

Everyone wants to have what they want and they want it to be okay...and to make it really okay, it has to be government sanctioned. Men who want to cut off their genitals and pump themselves with hormones (or women who want to do the same) want the government to give them a new identity saying that they are a woman, when they are not. Down to their DNA, they are men -- men who for some reason hate their bodies. But instead of finding out why, we simply condone it, call "Joe" "Jo" and ignore it.

People who find themselves having feelings for someone of the same sex want to have their relationship put on an equal status with marriage, but the reality is, its not. Even where the government recognizes it, its not. Every culture on this earth recognizes that marriage is between a man and a woman. Many don't think that marriage is about love at all, but about survival, economic benefit, and a safe place for the woman and children. But we've lost all concept of that since birth control is a reality and now children have become not much more than pets, in some cases, instead of a valuable addition to the survival of the family.

Marriage is not about two people coming together just because they have emotions for each other. We have a huge divorce rate because people think that. The vows made in the marriage ceremony really matter - till death do we part, because the need to remain together even if things sucked was much more important when a marriage was two people with different skills coming together to raise a family instead of two workers coming together to share a bed and a place to live while those feelings last.

And the survival of the family and a safe place to raise future citizens is in the interest of the government (however, I'm much more in favor of a flat tax with no tax deduction for kids). Recognizing another class of relationships that will clog up our courts with divorce cases is not in its best interest.

There is more than being a family than just choosing to love somebody. Even if that love is not there, the existence of the family is still a reality, no matter how broken it is. If that bond is only based on emotions, then it is very fragile indeed. And our divorce rates and the amount of animal shelters we have show this.

But the point is, the government can give a tax deduction for pets and mandate how you treat them, and give them alleged rights, but it doesn't change the fact that animals are not children, no matter how much you love them. Marriage IS between a man and a woman, even if the government says differently, because marriage is not about just wanting to be together. Just like they can call Stan "Loretta" and fight for his right to have a baby...he still can't. And occasionally it would be nice to have some sanity on this.

Brussels Sprouts revisited

2009-04-23T21:01:00.001-07:00

To those of you who came here looking for the caramelized Brussels Sprouts that Indiana Jane blogged about, here they are... (Hi Debbie!)

One of those "Not Quite Right" Moments

2009-04-22T18:14:00.000-07:00

As I was driving my six year old to her P.E. class, I was kind of daydreaming and not paying attention to the radio. About halfway through a song, my little angel said "I really like this song...its got a good beat and its fun to sing."

The lyrics:

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin' on the run.....

At which point I supressed my urge to change the channel and reminded myself....its over her head. LOL. I hope she wasn't singing it at P.E. class.

:-)