When we started homeschooling when Chris was five, I didn't answer the phone during the time I'd set aside for lessons. Nothing interfered, and we went through what we were supposed to and got it done. Sometimes while rocking in a hammock in the backyard, but we got it done.
I remember seeing a title of a book called "Homeschooling is About the Baby." I think it was locally produced But what the author was trying to say is that homeschooling is about life, life has interruptions, and when someone needs you, that comes before a textbook. So things went on hold and worked around naps after we had Maggie. When we moved here, we took a long time to get back into any kind of structure.
We have always been a late to bed, late to wake up family. In some ways this has hurt us, but fighting against that too hard made it more difficult. Though there have been times that I have tried.
My perfectionism also has gotten the best of me, and sometimes I drove myself during times that my kids needed a break, or I did...and regretted it later. And this has led to the other extreme...doing almost nothing.
I have found that sometimes these nothing times, where my children pursued their own interests have been some of the times that they learned the most, and sometimes the very thing that I was pulling my hair out trying to teach them.
For us, though, I think the answer is somewhere in the middle. I have a classical philosophy when it comes to homeschooling, but unlike many homeschoolers, it does not come out in a structured expression. Instead, having my children surrounded by classical ideas, in an environment that values history, literature, and the historical liturgy to a large extent creates a classically educated child. I've seen this in my unschooling friends.
However, I find if we don't have something, I feel like I am pulled around in many different directions, and I go just as nuts as if I am hyper-structured (its not pretty when I am hyper-structured). I think I am returning back to the Charlotte Mason fold.
Short lessons, living books (avoiding textbooks, for the most part...books that are devoted to a particular subject or range of subjects and are clearly written by someone who cares for the topic they are writing about), how things are related (Charlotte believed that education is the science of relations, not merely a conglomeration of separate topics) more emphasis on art and literature, narration to show that the children know the topics, these things have worked well for us in the past, here's hoping they do in the future.
I do struggle with incorporating art into our work, but I think it will help the kids if I figure out how to do it.
So now as the hyper-activity period of September and October wrap up and people stop wanting to socialize with each other and want to hide in their houses, looking at "doing school" becomes more practical.
Showing posts with label homeschooling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label homeschooling. Show all posts
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Socialization and Homeschooling
HT: The Elephant's Child, and of course, Indiana Jane herself.
One of the best statements I've seen on the "S" Word, by my friend Jane, and her kids are proof it works. I remembered it from a long time ago, but it deserves recirculation.
The Company You Keep
One of the best statements I've seen on the "S" Word, by my friend Jane, and her kids are proof it works. I remembered it from a long time ago, but it deserves recirculation.
The Company You Keep
Saturday, August 27, 2011
I Could Never Homeschool.....
My boss said it to me the other day. "I could never homeschool. My kids would drive me NUTS." (If I had a nickel....)
Over the years, I generally respond "It's not as hard as you think." I realized that is all wrong. The reality is....actually, it is a lot harder than you think. maybe my six month break doing other work has given me a different perspective. Instead, I replied "Yeah. They would. I know mine have occasionally really gotten to me." (and I to them)
I didn't feel the need to elaborate on just how close to "nuts" I've been.
Homeschooling is hard. It can be VERY hard. And honestly, I think probably the easiest part is the teaching. The lessons and subjects, going through the curriculum. That's generally not hard at all.
It's the social isolation. Even when you belong to a co-op or a homeschool group and you have activities and park days, it can still be very difficult. When you homeschool, your life has a completely different flow than everybody else's. At times, its wonderful. I, for one, really don't like the pace of most lives. However, it still puts a person on the outside of the "norm." And the outside of the "norm" can be a lonely place to be. Sometimes it feels like I just don't sync with anyone else, and those I do sync with seem so far away.
I've homeschooled in a metropolis and in a small town. In a metropolis, your friends are spread out. Getting together has to be more structured. Neighborhoods don't really play a part in social life as much, because most everyone else is working. When you homeschool in a small town, there is a lot more of a tendency for life to revolve around the school, and there is a lot more personal pride in the school, because it is the only option. Choosing to homeschool rather than send your kids to the local school can be interpreted as a judgment on the school or on other parents. Homeschooling can isolate you from your community.
Not being able to leave your kids somewhere and participate in activities that grownups are participating in without kids is just not an option, at least not as much. That feels isolating.
Your kids aren't part of the daily life of the other kids, so they tend to be isolated when they participate in other activities like Scouts or 4-H.
I think most women who work don't necessarily do it out of job satisfaction or a that their jobs have a real purpose. I think it is because work creates a structured social sphere, and outside of work, that just doesn't exist in the community anymore. At the workplace, you can rely on your friends being there every day to talk with, lend support, provide help.
When our lives focus around our kids -- if their activities or interests change, or we decide to do something differently, then so do our social lives. I have three very close friends who I used to meet with on a weekly basis during seminary children's choir rehearsals. For years, it was the peak of our week. But as our kids had different things going on and our boys' voices changed, we fell away from that as our kids had other things to do. Something like that is hard to replace.
These things can drive a woman nuts. I honestly believe that humans aren't meant to be as socially isolated as we are in our daily lives. Modern technology is wonderful, but it also is isolating. I don't have to go to the well to gather water because I have indoor plumbing. Refrigerators and freezers eliminate the need for frequent gatherings at the market place, and air conditioning means that it is bearable to work in my house instead of on my porch during the scorching Summers. TV means I don't need to seek entertainment elsewhere. Easily accessing books means I am less likely to seek out forums for intellectual stimulation. We were meant to have the help of family, neighbors, and church brethren. Too often, we live too far away, don't know our neighbors, and are scared to show our weakness at church.
Has homeschooling my children been wonderful? Oh yeah. I LOVE having my kids home. I love being able to interact with them on a constant basis and hearing their thoughts and being a real part of their lives, not just a part of a few hours a day (which right now, is probably the hardest part of working. For the first time ever, my social need is being well-met, but my relationship with my kids feels distant. I can't wait to have that back). I adore being able to see the world open up for them. And I know that my involvement with their lives has turned them into a young man and ayoung lady that I am very proud of, and blown away that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of shaping them. But there have been months at a time that have been laced with depression and tears.
Would I do it all over again? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend it to others? Definitely. But its not easy...and yes, your kids will drive you nuts--- seriously, painfully nuts.
What I have found in spending my days with moms who have their kids in daycare and at school. Their kids still drive them to the brink. However, what seems different between the relationships that I see with homeschooled kids and their parents and working parents is that I have a lot more influence over my kids than they do. My kids know where they stand with me (most of the time), and it matters to them. While my kids have friends, they don't matter to them the way they would if they were spending more waking hours with them than with me, so in general, repairing breaks in our relationship is easier. My kids are much more confident in their ability to have friends that like them for them, rather than needing to earn and seek their approval. It's my approval that they want, and while I may nag or get upset, they know that they have it. I am also less likely to back off on a problem that I think it is important because I have so little time with them. I've seen others do that because they don't want all their times with their kids be miserable. It hardly ever works. If there is a need for correction or even a conflict to happen, it just gets worse until it happens.
So the investment is worth it. By God's grace it is worth it. If you are homeschooling or are looking at homeschooling., God be with you. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do.
Over the years, I generally respond "It's not as hard as you think." I realized that is all wrong. The reality is....actually, it is a lot harder than you think. maybe my six month break doing other work has given me a different perspective. Instead, I replied "Yeah. They would. I know mine have occasionally really gotten to me." (and I to them)
I didn't feel the need to elaborate on just how close to "nuts" I've been.
Homeschooling is hard. It can be VERY hard. And honestly, I think probably the easiest part is the teaching. The lessons and subjects, going through the curriculum. That's generally not hard at all.
It's the social isolation. Even when you belong to a co-op or a homeschool group and you have activities and park days, it can still be very difficult. When you homeschool, your life has a completely different flow than everybody else's. At times, its wonderful. I, for one, really don't like the pace of most lives. However, it still puts a person on the outside of the "norm." And the outside of the "norm" can be a lonely place to be. Sometimes it feels like I just don't sync with anyone else, and those I do sync with seem so far away.
I've homeschooled in a metropolis and in a small town. In a metropolis, your friends are spread out. Getting together has to be more structured. Neighborhoods don't really play a part in social life as much, because most everyone else is working. When you homeschool in a small town, there is a lot more of a tendency for life to revolve around the school, and there is a lot more personal pride in the school, because it is the only option. Choosing to homeschool rather than send your kids to the local school can be interpreted as a judgment on the school or on other parents. Homeschooling can isolate you from your community.
Not being able to leave your kids somewhere and participate in activities that grownups are participating in without kids is just not an option, at least not as much. That feels isolating.
Your kids aren't part of the daily life of the other kids, so they tend to be isolated when they participate in other activities like Scouts or 4-H.
I think most women who work don't necessarily do it out of job satisfaction or a that their jobs have a real purpose. I think it is because work creates a structured social sphere, and outside of work, that just doesn't exist in the community anymore. At the workplace, you can rely on your friends being there every day to talk with, lend support, provide help.
When our lives focus around our kids -- if their activities or interests change, or we decide to do something differently, then so do our social lives. I have three very close friends who I used to meet with on a weekly basis during seminary children's choir rehearsals. For years, it was the peak of our week. But as our kids had different things going on and our boys' voices changed, we fell away from that as our kids had other things to do. Something like that is hard to replace.
These things can drive a woman nuts. I honestly believe that humans aren't meant to be as socially isolated as we are in our daily lives. Modern technology is wonderful, but it also is isolating. I don't have to go to the well to gather water because I have indoor plumbing. Refrigerators and freezers eliminate the need for frequent gatherings at the market place, and air conditioning means that it is bearable to work in my house instead of on my porch during the scorching Summers. TV means I don't need to seek entertainment elsewhere. Easily accessing books means I am less likely to seek out forums for intellectual stimulation. We were meant to have the help of family, neighbors, and church brethren. Too often, we live too far away, don't know our neighbors, and are scared to show our weakness at church.
Has homeschooling my children been wonderful? Oh yeah. I LOVE having my kids home. I love being able to interact with them on a constant basis and hearing their thoughts and being a real part of their lives, not just a part of a few hours a day (which right now, is probably the hardest part of working. For the first time ever, my social need is being well-met, but my relationship with my kids feels distant. I can't wait to have that back). I adore being able to see the world open up for them. And I know that my involvement with their lives has turned them into a young man and ayoung lady that I am very proud of, and blown away that God has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of shaping them. But there have been months at a time that have been laced with depression and tears.
Would I do it all over again? Yes. Absolutely. Would I recommend it to others? Definitely. But its not easy...and yes, your kids will drive you nuts--- seriously, painfully nuts.
What I have found in spending my days with moms who have their kids in daycare and at school. Their kids still drive them to the brink. However, what seems different between the relationships that I see with homeschooled kids and their parents and working parents is that I have a lot more influence over my kids than they do. My kids know where they stand with me (most of the time), and it matters to them. While my kids have friends, they don't matter to them the way they would if they were spending more waking hours with them than with me, so in general, repairing breaks in our relationship is easier. My kids are much more confident in their ability to have friends that like them for them, rather than needing to earn and seek their approval. It's my approval that they want, and while I may nag or get upset, they know that they have it. I am also less likely to back off on a problem that I think it is important because I have so little time with them. I've seen others do that because they don't want all their times with their kids be miserable. It hardly ever works. If there is a need for correction or even a conflict to happen, it just gets worse until it happens.
So the investment is worth it. By God's grace it is worth it. If you are homeschooling or are looking at homeschooling., God be with you. It's the hardest thing you'll ever do.
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Why I Homeschool
Why do I homeschool? One word: socialization.
That may seem like a bizarre reason, since the first protest that I always hear against homeschooling is that schools provide socialization. There is something to the way homeschoolers socialize with each other that warms my heart, and in the end, it was the reason that drove me to homeschooling in the first place.
Being True to Yourself
When my oldest was two, I was at the park with a friend of mine, Lori, who homeschooled her eight kids. Jeff and I had recently started discussing homeschooling as a possibility, and so I asked her why she homeschooled. I expected something like academics, cost, or religious reasons, so what she said surprised me.
Lori pointed to her son, who was currently occupied with his toddler little brother -- the baby was sitting on a skateboard, and the older boy was pushing him around gently, making car noises.
"Look at him" she said. "He LOVES his little brother. And he isn't ashamed of it. He could care less what anyone else thinks about it. He is active in sports and he goes to Scouts, and when the boys there cuss or get into mischief, Zack doesn't feel like he has to follow along because he doesn't spend most of his waking hours with those kids. He doesn't need their approval because he spends most of his days with his family -- people who love him unconditionally for who he is."
This warmed my heart. I had an emotional, easily over-stimulated little boy who had one of the most loving, tender hearts I had ever seen. When I thought of him at school, all I could see was misery. He didn't develop the ability to tune out stimulation as early as others. He didn't adapt to change easily. Sometimes he just needed to be alone, and who knows when that that need would rear its immediate, urgent head. School would be hard for a boy who could detect the flash in flourescent lights and hear them hum and who responded to stress with strong emotionality. I could see him being teased and labeled. I take that back -- I knew he would be teased and labeled. And this little boy who started reading at the age of three -- who was incredibly intelligent, might very easily face a boring and frustrating environment. In my heart of hearts, I knew school wasn't right for Chris. I knew he needed to have more time than a mere three or even five years to get that under control, and as his parent -- it was my job to give him that space. I had no doubt he'd get there (okay, I had some doubt), but there was no functional purpose in demanding that he do it by kindergarten -- when I knew he couldn't.
I didn't think about it in these terms, but I remember a father who visited our homeschool Tiger Cub Scout pack -- his wife was trying to convince him to homeschool. "I get it now. These are the geeks. These are the kids who would be beaten up in school, but because they are homeschooled, they are free to be who they are and to be safe." Okay, started off kind of offensive -- probably true, but he went on. "My son has the tenderest heart, and I don't want to see that destroyed. This is GREAT!"
My family spent a few days this last week at the Wisdom and Eloquence Conference at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Fort Wayne this week (always the first week in August -- HIGHLY recommend it). While not just for homeschooling families, there were a lot of us, and it was so amazing to see the way the kids related to each other..and also pursued their interests. I expected parents to be interested in the "Courtship and Marriage" seminar by Pastor Foy -- but it was largely attended by teens -- raised in families, and valuing families, they were already looking at "how do I go about forming my own family?" They attended lots of different presentations on theology and life...because they wanted to, they were interested, and no one was going to tease them about it. And if they did, I doubt they would've cared.
When Jeff and I were talking about this, he commented "Girl Scouts and other organizations can talk about focusing on making girls strong or talk about kids being true to themselves -- but they are fighting a losing battle when most kids go to school each day focused on wearing the right thing, behaving the right way, and making other people happy so that they don't get teased and can fit in."
I remember that pressure. I don't remember it weighing so much when I was in school, but it certainly feels heavy when I think about it now.
Getting Along
Going back to my friend Lori's boy who was playing with his little brother -- that is something I have seen OVER and OVER again. The first day we attended a homeschool park group, there were a group of teens sitting at a table playing Yu-Gi-Oh together, but they didn't shoo the littler kids away. I would see teenage boys picking up preschoolers and holding them on their laps while they played, without missing a beat. They would also scoot over so that six or seven year-olds could squeeze in and then they would explain what they were doing. Sixteen year-olds had no problem with playing with twelve year-olds.
When we were leaving the Wisdom and Eloquence Conference, I walked into the narthex to get my kids, and my son was standing around talking with other teenage boys. One was casually holding his toddler little brother on his hip. My son Chris, at park days, has felt comfortable going and picking up my friends' babies and playing with them. When he starts to feel like he needs a break socially, he'll even take one and go sit in the swing, rocking back and forth until the baby falls asleep. Now that's self-regulation! I also love seeing how the "tween girls" with their natural, God-given fascination with babies and toddlers are free to follow them around, learn about them, play with them. Kids of every age generally are helping their parents with their siblings...and not even realizing they are learning to be good parents. That is something that I am convinced that our age-segregated society has diminished. I don't know how many people I know who have never held a baby until they hold their own.
Another friend of mine commented on the way kids were playing when they got together. They were creative, they were all over the place, they organized some games, and free-played at other times. She had grown up in Liberia, but the same is true here. "That's how kids used to play. They don't play like that anymore. Everything needs to be structured."
These kids are free to be themselves -- and rather than needing to be grouped by grade or age range, they could very easily relate to the youngest and oldest in the group, and make the needed allowances.
I could go into the closeness of family members -- and there is a lot there. My kids aren't perfect, but they do get along most of the time. I'll write about that another time, because it really is a beautiful aspect to homeschooling as well. But every time my family interacts with a group of homeschoolers, I am amazed at the difference and the peace and joy that is there in how the kids relate to each other.
That may seem like a bizarre reason, since the first protest that I always hear against homeschooling is that schools provide socialization. There is something to the way homeschoolers socialize with each other that warms my heart, and in the end, it was the reason that drove me to homeschooling in the first place.
Being True to Yourself
When my oldest was two, I was at the park with a friend of mine, Lori, who homeschooled her eight kids. Jeff and I had recently started discussing homeschooling as a possibility, and so I asked her why she homeschooled. I expected something like academics, cost, or religious reasons, so what she said surprised me.
Lori pointed to her son, who was currently occupied with his toddler little brother -- the baby was sitting on a skateboard, and the older boy was pushing him around gently, making car noises.
"Look at him" she said. "He LOVES his little brother. And he isn't ashamed of it. He could care less what anyone else thinks about it. He is active in sports and he goes to Scouts, and when the boys there cuss or get into mischief, Zack doesn't feel like he has to follow along because he doesn't spend most of his waking hours with those kids. He doesn't need their approval because he spends most of his days with his family -- people who love him unconditionally for who he is."
This warmed my heart. I had an emotional, easily over-stimulated little boy who had one of the most loving, tender hearts I had ever seen. When I thought of him at school, all I could see was misery. He didn't develop the ability to tune out stimulation as early as others. He didn't adapt to change easily. Sometimes he just needed to be alone, and who knows when that that need would rear its immediate, urgent head. School would be hard for a boy who could detect the flash in flourescent lights and hear them hum and who responded to stress with strong emotionality. I could see him being teased and labeled. I take that back -- I knew he would be teased and labeled. And this little boy who started reading at the age of three -- who was incredibly intelligent, might very easily face a boring and frustrating environment. In my heart of hearts, I knew school wasn't right for Chris. I knew he needed to have more time than a mere three or even five years to get that under control, and as his parent -- it was my job to give him that space. I had no doubt he'd get there (okay, I had some doubt), but there was no functional purpose in demanding that he do it by kindergarten -- when I knew he couldn't.
I didn't think about it in these terms, but I remember a father who visited our homeschool Tiger Cub Scout pack -- his wife was trying to convince him to homeschool. "I get it now. These are the geeks. These are the kids who would be beaten up in school, but because they are homeschooled, they are free to be who they are and to be safe." Okay, started off kind of offensive -- probably true, but he went on. "My son has the tenderest heart, and I don't want to see that destroyed. This is GREAT!"
My family spent a few days this last week at the Wisdom and Eloquence Conference at Redeemer Lutheran Church in Fort Wayne this week (always the first week in August -- HIGHLY recommend it). While not just for homeschooling families, there were a lot of us, and it was so amazing to see the way the kids related to each other..and also pursued their interests. I expected parents to be interested in the "Courtship and Marriage" seminar by Pastor Foy -- but it was largely attended by teens -- raised in families, and valuing families, they were already looking at "how do I go about forming my own family?" They attended lots of different presentations on theology and life...because they wanted to, they were interested, and no one was going to tease them about it. And if they did, I doubt they would've cared.
When Jeff and I were talking about this, he commented "Girl Scouts and other organizations can talk about focusing on making girls strong or talk about kids being true to themselves -- but they are fighting a losing battle when most kids go to school each day focused on wearing the right thing, behaving the right way, and making other people happy so that they don't get teased and can fit in."
I remember that pressure. I don't remember it weighing so much when I was in school, but it certainly feels heavy when I think about it now.
Getting Along
Going back to my friend Lori's boy who was playing with his little brother -- that is something I have seen OVER and OVER again. The first day we attended a homeschool park group, there were a group of teens sitting at a table playing Yu-Gi-Oh together, but they didn't shoo the littler kids away. I would see teenage boys picking up preschoolers and holding them on their laps while they played, without missing a beat. They would also scoot over so that six or seven year-olds could squeeze in and then they would explain what they were doing. Sixteen year-olds had no problem with playing with twelve year-olds.
When we were leaving the Wisdom and Eloquence Conference, I walked into the narthex to get my kids, and my son was standing around talking with other teenage boys. One was casually holding his toddler little brother on his hip. My son Chris, at park days, has felt comfortable going and picking up my friends' babies and playing with them. When he starts to feel like he needs a break socially, he'll even take one and go sit in the swing, rocking back and forth until the baby falls asleep. Now that's self-regulation! I also love seeing how the "tween girls" with their natural, God-given fascination with babies and toddlers are free to follow them around, learn about them, play with them. Kids of every age generally are helping their parents with their siblings...and not even realizing they are learning to be good parents. That is something that I am convinced that our age-segregated society has diminished. I don't know how many people I know who have never held a baby until they hold their own.
Another friend of mine commented on the way kids were playing when they got together. They were creative, they were all over the place, they organized some games, and free-played at other times. She had grown up in Liberia, but the same is true here. "That's how kids used to play. They don't play like that anymore. Everything needs to be structured."
These kids are free to be themselves -- and rather than needing to be grouped by grade or age range, they could very easily relate to the youngest and oldest in the group, and make the needed allowances.
I could go into the closeness of family members -- and there is a lot there. My kids aren't perfect, but they do get along most of the time. I'll write about that another time, because it really is a beautiful aspect to homeschooling as well. But every time my family interacts with a group of homeschoolers, I am amazed at the difference and the peace and joy that is there in how the kids relate to each other.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Patience Is a Virtue...Yeah, Yeah, I Know.
A pet peeve among homeschoolers is when they hear "I thought about homeschooling, but I just don't have the patience." As if to imply we must be sainted (or out of our minds). If anything, homeschool shows us how NOT sainted we are. And if I had a dollar for every time I've heard this, I'd be well on my way to compensating for that second income we don't have because I'm homeschooling. Homeschoolers aren't sainted...there is NOTHING special about us, really, other than a vague hope that our massive faults and little foibles will do less damage to our kids than whichever fault in the educational system has managed to convice us that our kids are better off at home.
Sometimes what cracks me up about this is that I think I hear this from school teachers who spend their days teaching 35 kids at a time that belong to other people, but know enough about themselves to realize that they would lose their patience with their own kids. I respect that honesty. We are more emotionally invested in our kids...and our kids know right where our buttons are as well.
But here's the thing. Homeschooling moms are not professional teachers. We don't need to be. When you are dealing with just a few kids, a few kids that you know intimately, it is easy to figure out what they know, what they don't, and most of the time, it is easy to figure out the best way they will learn it (sometimes it is a challenge). Teaching 35 kids at a time requires a completely different set of skills than teaching a couple of kids, especially your own kids.
And in relation to that...since I am not a professional teacher, I am not paid to teach other people's children according to a set guideline of behaviors and ethics. I am a mom. And moms get a lot more leeway than teachers because our kids know we love them. We are allowed to have bad days, teachers aren't (though they do....they even have bad YEARS...and that could be the year your kid was in their class. I'm related to several teachers that will vouch for this...but probably won't talk about it to the parents of their charges). We are allowed to decide to do something else entirely when we don't have the patience to tackle long division that day for the fifth time (teachers aren't. And they also don't have the luxury to stay there until the students all get it either, I do...and I have the liberty to decide now may not be the right time to learn it, and come back to it in a month or a year). And we are allowed to get angry and lose our tempers, because on the other side of that, we have the fact that our kids know that we love them. In fact, we often lose our tempers with them BECAUSE we love them.
In fact, I'd say I was a heck of a lot more patient when my kids were younger. I honestly would say that I don't have enough patience to do this either. My kids probably have more patience with me a lot of the time than I do with them. I'd be oblivious to half the sinner that I am if I could send my kids away for half the day and I would have many more delusions about my competency and capabilities. Homeschooling is definitely humbling. But love is what is really required. And I got that.
Sometimes what cracks me up about this is that I think I hear this from school teachers who spend their days teaching 35 kids at a time that belong to other people, but know enough about themselves to realize that they would lose their patience with their own kids. I respect that honesty. We are more emotionally invested in our kids...and our kids know right where our buttons are as well.
But here's the thing. Homeschooling moms are not professional teachers. We don't need to be. When you are dealing with just a few kids, a few kids that you know intimately, it is easy to figure out what they know, what they don't, and most of the time, it is easy to figure out the best way they will learn it (sometimes it is a challenge). Teaching 35 kids at a time requires a completely different set of skills than teaching a couple of kids, especially your own kids.
And in relation to that...since I am not a professional teacher, I am not paid to teach other people's children according to a set guideline of behaviors and ethics. I am a mom. And moms get a lot more leeway than teachers because our kids know we love them. We are allowed to have bad days, teachers aren't (though they do....they even have bad YEARS...and that could be the year your kid was in their class. I'm related to several teachers that will vouch for this...but probably won't talk about it to the parents of their charges). We are allowed to decide to do something else entirely when we don't have the patience to tackle long division that day for the fifth time (teachers aren't. And they also don't have the luxury to stay there until the students all get it either, I do...and I have the liberty to decide now may not be the right time to learn it, and come back to it in a month or a year). And we are allowed to get angry and lose our tempers, because on the other side of that, we have the fact that our kids know that we love them. In fact, we often lose our tempers with them BECAUSE we love them.
In fact, I'd say I was a heck of a lot more patient when my kids were younger. I honestly would say that I don't have enough patience to do this either. My kids probably have more patience with me a lot of the time than I do with them. I'd be oblivious to half the sinner that I am if I could send my kids away for half the day and I would have many more delusions about my competency and capabilities. Homeschooling is definitely humbling. But love is what is really required. And I got that.
Monday, October 27, 2008
The Plus Side of Homeschool Socialization
This past week, I had a strong reminder of why I homeschool.
The socialization.
When I was considering homeschooling Chris, I went to the park with a friend of mine who homeschooled her kids. She had eight of them. I asked her why she did it. Lori pointed to her thirteen year old, who was busy scooting her toddler around on his skateboard.
“Look at Micah” she said. “How many thirteen year olds do you see playing with their baby brothers like that? And he’s not ashamed of it. He loves Ben so much. “
Then she went on. “He plays sports and goes to Scouts. The kids are pretty great, but they still do things that are wrong, and they cuss and such. “she said. “But Micah doesn’t feel like he has to go along with it, because he doesn’t spend eight hours each day with them. He spends most of his days with people who love him for who he is, so he doesn’t feel like his well being is dependent on making them happy.”
When I went to my first homeschool park day, I saw the same thing. Some parents were doing Scout activities, and other kids were running around. Some kids were playing strategy games at a picnic table…mostly older, but they didn’t disdain the younger kids, and they played fairly with them, pointing out better strategies…teaching them. Teenage boys casually scooted over so that 3 year olds could climb up on the bench to see what they were up to. It was beautiful to see.
I am blessed to be on a homeschool email list that I would say is truly unique. I’m on a few others, but they just aren’t like this. I have been on it for at least seven years now, and I count these women as my real friends, even the ones that I have never met. While we are truly diverse in our homeschooling approaches, we are all confessional Lutherans from all over the United States, and that has proven to be the stronger bond. We don’t just talk curriculum or field trips, we discuss a whole range of issues – from the best way to make vanilla to how to get that spot off the kitchen table….to how to teach the faith to our children and also to share requests for prayers in cases of pregnancy, a needed job, or family tragedy.
Occasionally, we manage to get together in real life. This past week, those of us in the Indiana/Ohio area (and one in Virginia) managed to get together here in Fort Wayne at a dorm (about ten or so moms, three husbands, and I’m guesstimating 20 kids). It is so amazing to see three days pass by with kids running, playing, worshiping, and enjoying games together like they do – with little regard to age or gender. Friday night, Barb, Sandy, and I watched as the kids (about twelve of them) spontaneously organized a game of charades…and the players ranged from as old as sixteen all the way down to age five (some of the other moms and older kids had gone to a Bach performance). No rolled eyes, no condescending attitudes from the older ones when the little ones tried to communicate their favorite animal or something of that nature. All had a great time. They hadn’t been socialized to believe that they needed to be with kids who were exactly the same age as they were. They just wanted to have fun.
In the mean time, Barb and Sandy handed their two-year-old granddaughter back and forth. A strong friendship between them had blossomed into their becoming family. Their kids were the first from this group to fall in love with and marry each other, and Barb mused with Sandy that they had already watched their own kids grow up playing like this. Now she was watching her own granddaughters playing in the midst of that crowd, the same way that her sons did ten years before…and Sandy’s youngest daughter was one of the oldest in this current group of kids.
And it strikes me that when you see the kids, you also see how it goes with the moms. This hasn’t been some closed off group of women who had families all the same ages and stages. They were always welcoming in new homeschoolers so that our group is constantly dynamic. It showed from the group. There are parents there whose kids are grown and they are watching their grandkids playing charades with my kids. Some can complain about missing an eldest in college while rubbing a slightly rounded belly, indicating the arrival of another to take that empty bedroom someday. Others who have kids are just starting the homeschool journey. While my oldest is twelve and youngest is six…some have their youngest as twelve or their oldest is six. Yet no one is looked down on for lack of experience or just being at a different stage in the whole process or life in general. The group hasn’t segregated into age groups or grades. All are welcomed in friendship and sisterhood in Christ. And, as long as there is chocolate (and maybe a glass of Baileys or a pumpkin latte)…life is good.
This is community—authentic community . Even though we don’t all live in the same neighborhood or town, there is real interaction, support, and love – and this applies regardless of age or life experience.
So, as a homeschooler, one of the first questions I always get is “what about the socialization?” I am always tempted to say “it is the most beautiful part of it all.” But I am not sure that I did it justice here- how could I explain it when I am on the spot?
The socialization.
When I was considering homeschooling Chris, I went to the park with a friend of mine who homeschooled her kids. She had eight of them. I asked her why she did it. Lori pointed to her thirteen year old, who was busy scooting her toddler around on his skateboard.
“Look at Micah” she said. “How many thirteen year olds do you see playing with their baby brothers like that? And he’s not ashamed of it. He loves Ben so much. “
Then she went on. “He plays sports and goes to Scouts. The kids are pretty great, but they still do things that are wrong, and they cuss and such. “she said. “But Micah doesn’t feel like he has to go along with it, because he doesn’t spend eight hours each day with them. He spends most of his days with people who love him for who he is, so he doesn’t feel like his well being is dependent on making them happy.”
When I went to my first homeschool park day, I saw the same thing. Some parents were doing Scout activities, and other kids were running around. Some kids were playing strategy games at a picnic table…mostly older, but they didn’t disdain the younger kids, and they played fairly with them, pointing out better strategies…teaching them. Teenage boys casually scooted over so that 3 year olds could climb up on the bench to see what they were up to. It was beautiful to see.
I am blessed to be on a homeschool email list that I would say is truly unique. I’m on a few others, but they just aren’t like this. I have been on it for at least seven years now, and I count these women as my real friends, even the ones that I have never met. While we are truly diverse in our homeschooling approaches, we are all confessional Lutherans from all over the United States, and that has proven to be the stronger bond. We don’t just talk curriculum or field trips, we discuss a whole range of issues – from the best way to make vanilla to how to get that spot off the kitchen table….to how to teach the faith to our children and also to share requests for prayers in cases of pregnancy, a needed job, or family tragedy.
Occasionally, we manage to get together in real life. This past week, those of us in the Indiana/Ohio area (and one in Virginia) managed to get together here in Fort Wayne at a dorm (about ten or so moms, three husbands, and I’m guesstimating 20 kids). It is so amazing to see three days pass by with kids running, playing, worshiping, and enjoying games together like they do – with little regard to age or gender. Friday night, Barb, Sandy, and I watched as the kids (about twelve of them) spontaneously organized a game of charades…and the players ranged from as old as sixteen all the way down to age five (some of the other moms and older kids had gone to a Bach performance). No rolled eyes, no condescending attitudes from the older ones when the little ones tried to communicate their favorite animal or something of that nature. All had a great time. They hadn’t been socialized to believe that they needed to be with kids who were exactly the same age as they were. They just wanted to have fun.
In the mean time, Barb and Sandy handed their two-year-old granddaughter back and forth. A strong friendship between them had blossomed into their becoming family. Their kids were the first from this group to fall in love with and marry each other, and Barb mused with Sandy that they had already watched their own kids grow up playing like this. Now she was watching her own granddaughters playing in the midst of that crowd, the same way that her sons did ten years before…and Sandy’s youngest daughter was one of the oldest in this current group of kids.
And it strikes me that when you see the kids, you also see how it goes with the moms. This hasn’t been some closed off group of women who had families all the same ages and stages. They were always welcoming in new homeschoolers so that our group is constantly dynamic. It showed from the group. There are parents there whose kids are grown and they are watching their grandkids playing charades with my kids. Some can complain about missing an eldest in college while rubbing a slightly rounded belly, indicating the arrival of another to take that empty bedroom someday. Others who have kids are just starting the homeschool journey. While my oldest is twelve and youngest is six…some have their youngest as twelve or their oldest is six. Yet no one is looked down on for lack of experience or just being at a different stage in the whole process or life in general. The group hasn’t segregated into age groups or grades. All are welcomed in friendship and sisterhood in Christ. And, as long as there is chocolate (and maybe a glass of Baileys or a pumpkin latte)…life is good.
This is community—authentic community . Even though we don’t all live in the same neighborhood or town, there is real interaction, support, and love – and this applies regardless of age or life experience.
So, as a homeschooler, one of the first questions I always get is “what about the socialization?” I am always tempted to say “it is the most beautiful part of it all.” But I am not sure that I did it justice here- how could I explain it when I am on the spot?
Monday, August 11, 2008
Time With Friends
Wow...I feel refreshed.
I had the most wonderful weekend at my friend, Cheryl's with several women that I treasure and admire.
When I started considering homeschooling, my yarn pusher recommended an email list called Martin Loopers that is specifically for confessional Lutheran homeschoolers (does that also make her my homeschooling pusher?). I then made contact with some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. And now I can list as one of the greatest benefits of living in the Midwest is that I actually can get to spend time with them sometimes!!!
We spent the weekend laughing, talking, enjoying good food, worshiping, watching Monty Python skits, and imbibing massive amounts of chocolate. It was WONDERFUL. I feel ready for another year. We also went to a great farmers market, a Mongolian Grill, and no Mamapalooza would really be complete without a trip to a bookstore. (Cheryl's site has the pictures...I'm always too busy enjoying the moment to remember to break out the camera).
I am often asked if I belong to a homeschooling group. "Homeschooling group" cannot even begin to encompass what these wonderful women mean to me.
I had the most wonderful weekend at my friend, Cheryl's with several women that I treasure and admire.
When I started considering homeschooling, my yarn pusher recommended an email list called Martin Loopers that is specifically for confessional Lutheran homeschoolers (does that also make her my homeschooling pusher?). I then made contact with some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. And now I can list as one of the greatest benefits of living in the Midwest is that I actually can get to spend time with them sometimes!!!
We spent the weekend laughing, talking, enjoying good food, worshiping, watching Monty Python skits, and imbibing massive amounts of chocolate. It was WONDERFUL. I feel ready for another year. We also went to a great farmers market, a Mongolian Grill, and no Mamapalooza would really be complete without a trip to a bookstore. (Cheryl's site has the pictures...I'm always too busy enjoying the moment to remember to break out the camera).
I am often asked if I belong to a homeschooling group. "Homeschooling group" cannot even begin to encompass what these wonderful women mean to me.
The Wisdom of Friends
Indiana Jane has a wonderful post on homeschooling and learning. Go take a look!
Monday, August 04, 2008
Liberty's Kids
When Chris was going into first grade, PBS aired a television show that was put together by many notable figures called "Liberty's Kids." My son fell in love with it. It was a charming bit of historical fiction that REALLY brought out issues of the American Revolution and took the good and the bad and made it understandable to kids. This show became our 1st grade history curriculum.
When we saw a figure that we wanted to learn more about, such as Ben Franklin (voice by Walter Kronkite), Baron von Steuben, Marquis de Lafayette, Baron DeKalb (which is really cool that we live in Dekalb County now, and just south of Steuben County), Phyllis Wheatley (American slave poet), Benedict Arnold, etc., we would go to the library and get a biography on that character. We learned SO much, and I do mean WE.
In the middle of the year, we went on a field trip to a printing press museum in Hacienda Heights, CA -- part of the feature was an actor who gave a splendid impersonation of Benjamin Franklin. During that presentation, the kids were asked "What three historical documents did Benjamin Franklin sign?" Several knew the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. When the presenter asked "anything else?" my little six year old chimed in with "The Treaty of Paris." Jaws dropped, including mine.
Now, Chris doesn't remember a lot of what he learned that year, but it has provided a basis of knowledge for things that came in the future, and also, because it willingly addressed some of the tough issues regarding the Americans in a fair way -- such as Indian treaties, slavery, and many others -- it also kept him from being caught up in the way our history can be villified because it simply contains evil..when he became exposed to such things fairly early on.
I am thrilled to say that History Channel has started airing Liberty's Kids, right at the age where Maggie can enjoy it as well . We're also going to be picking up the computer game by the same name (now it can be bought for less than a $1 at Amazon.com). Chris also got a big kick out of that. I highly recommend it. It has James, Sarah, and Henri collecting information regarding different stories that happened by interviewing various characters. They then put together the clips using the "Who, What, Where, Why and How" format that is set up. If your kid can read, he can do this....and it is well done.
When we saw a figure that we wanted to learn more about, such as Ben Franklin (voice by Walter Kronkite), Baron von Steuben, Marquis de Lafayette, Baron DeKalb (which is really cool that we live in Dekalb County now, and just south of Steuben County), Phyllis Wheatley (American slave poet), Benedict Arnold, etc., we would go to the library and get a biography on that character. We learned SO much, and I do mean WE.
In the middle of the year, we went on a field trip to a printing press museum in Hacienda Heights, CA -- part of the feature was an actor who gave a splendid impersonation of Benjamin Franklin. During that presentation, the kids were asked "What three historical documents did Benjamin Franklin sign?" Several knew the Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. When the presenter asked "anything else?" my little six year old chimed in with "The Treaty of Paris." Jaws dropped, including mine.
Now, Chris doesn't remember a lot of what he learned that year, but it has provided a basis of knowledge for things that came in the future, and also, because it willingly addressed some of the tough issues regarding the Americans in a fair way -- such as Indian treaties, slavery, and many others -- it also kept him from being caught up in the way our history can be villified because it simply contains evil..when he became exposed to such things fairly early on.
I am thrilled to say that History Channel has started airing Liberty's Kids, right at the age where Maggie can enjoy it as well . We're also going to be picking up the computer game by the same name (now it can be bought for less than a $1 at Amazon.com). Chris also got a big kick out of that. I highly recommend it. It has James, Sarah, and Henri collecting information regarding different stories that happened by interviewing various characters. They then put together the clips using the "Who, What, Where, Why and How" format that is set up. If your kid can read, he can do this....and it is well done.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Rethinking Homeschooling
One of the great dilemmas with homeschooling is how much do you conform to the traditional idea of school? Do you use textbooks, unit studies, or life opportunities? Have a set time of day for lessons? Subscribe to a more structured idea of education or a less structured idea of education? Do you follow a nine month school year or wing it?
I've been in the process or rethinking the nine month model. I really didn't subscribe to it before we moved to Indiana, though Chris and I did start "schooling" on the traditional first day of the school year, Tuesday after Labor Day, by reading stories in our hammock in our backyard, and drawing snails that were in our flower bed. Here it seemed more important than in California, because at least at first, Chris's main friends who lived near the church went to school, and it was wierd having them knock on the door for Chris to play, and he was still doing Math.
I've gone to more of a "when you are done with the book, you are done with the subject" on things like Math, copywork, and such. But I've really been looking at what our cycle of life is like, and realizing that there really is no point in trying to fight it.
We have never been able to start lessons before October 1st since we've lived here. This is the first year Chris hasn't participated in 4-H, and I've considered what he learns in those to be just as important as anything he can learn with a textbook. After all, showing and breeding rabbits has covered science(reproduction), economics, animal husbandry, competitoin, and so many other things. Other topics that he has done, whether he has shown or not have been important as well.
Also, in September so many other things are happening. My parents have a summer place in Michigan, and they are getting ready to leave and it is the last opportunity to enjoy the lake up there. My inlaws often come out to visit then as well. Scouts, choir, and confirmation have all started up and so that is all quite an adjustment even without lessons starting up as well. There is also another side-benefit to starting later....it is easier to get curriculum when you need it. I know tons of people who are trying to get their curriculum in August and September who have to wait six weeks to get it. I usually don't.
After Thanksgiving, we usually get so focused on doing stuff for the Cookie Walk and Advent that we end up taking a week off and don't get back to it through all of December and then have a renewed emphasis in January. But February is a waste. Everyone feels a lag in February here, no matter what they do, and there is no point in fighting it. It is really hard. So we start planning our gardens, taking a break, and looking for signs of Spring that won't come for another two months.
March is okay again and usually so is April. May is so nice that it is impossible to not go out. Baseball practice is starting, choir is ending, and so many other things are happening that our efforts are outside. And these things are just as important as books. Time in nature, working the soil and planting things, sports, etc. are terribly important...they are what brings joy to life, really. Tell me that is not important. And besides, I remember school in May. You can say "this many classroom hours are needed in order to get things done" but any teacher worth their salt (and I am related to several) will tell you that getting things done in May is an exercise in frustration.
So I am thinking that focusing on these things in May and June is good (as well as VBS, 4-H with Maggie, and swimming , fishing, camping, and such). Then, in July and August, when many days are just miserably hot, then we can return to the books and finish up and return to taking September off again.
In reality, I am just giving myself permission to do what we already do, and we do get things done and the kids end up being where they should be, or ahead in most things. And the things they struggle with, well, time off is a good thing.
I've been in the process or rethinking the nine month model. I really didn't subscribe to it before we moved to Indiana, though Chris and I did start "schooling" on the traditional first day of the school year, Tuesday after Labor Day, by reading stories in our hammock in our backyard, and drawing snails that were in our flower bed. Here it seemed more important than in California, because at least at first, Chris's main friends who lived near the church went to school, and it was wierd having them knock on the door for Chris to play, and he was still doing Math.
I've gone to more of a "when you are done with the book, you are done with the subject" on things like Math, copywork, and such. But I've really been looking at what our cycle of life is like, and realizing that there really is no point in trying to fight it.
We have never been able to start lessons before October 1st since we've lived here. This is the first year Chris hasn't participated in 4-H, and I've considered what he learns in those to be just as important as anything he can learn with a textbook. After all, showing and breeding rabbits has covered science(reproduction), economics, animal husbandry, competitoin, and so many other things. Other topics that he has done, whether he has shown or not have been important as well.
Also, in September so many other things are happening. My parents have a summer place in Michigan, and they are getting ready to leave and it is the last opportunity to enjoy the lake up there. My inlaws often come out to visit then as well. Scouts, choir, and confirmation have all started up and so that is all quite an adjustment even without lessons starting up as well. There is also another side-benefit to starting later....it is easier to get curriculum when you need it. I know tons of people who are trying to get their curriculum in August and September who have to wait six weeks to get it. I usually don't.
After Thanksgiving, we usually get so focused on doing stuff for the Cookie Walk and Advent that we end up taking a week off and don't get back to it through all of December and then have a renewed emphasis in January. But February is a waste. Everyone feels a lag in February here, no matter what they do, and there is no point in fighting it. It is really hard. So we start planning our gardens, taking a break, and looking for signs of Spring that won't come for another two months.
March is okay again and usually so is April. May is so nice that it is impossible to not go out. Baseball practice is starting, choir is ending, and so many other things are happening that our efforts are outside. And these things are just as important as books. Time in nature, working the soil and planting things, sports, etc. are terribly important...they are what brings joy to life, really. Tell me that is not important. And besides, I remember school in May. You can say "this many classroom hours are needed in order to get things done" but any teacher worth their salt (and I am related to several) will tell you that getting things done in May is an exercise in frustration.
So I am thinking that focusing on these things in May and June is good (as well as VBS, 4-H with Maggie, and swimming , fishing, camping, and such). Then, in July and August, when many days are just miserably hot, then we can return to the books and finish up and return to taking September off again.
In reality, I am just giving myself permission to do what we already do, and we do get things done and the kids end up being where they should be, or ahead in most things. And the things they struggle with, well, time off is a good thing.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Just to Save Time
Every once in a while, this list makes the rounds. I love it. It is called "The Bitter Homeschooler's List" and it really is what we all WANT to say when we are asked all the questions we homeschool moms are often asked about homeschooling.
Now, I don't mean questions from those who are genuinely interested or even vaguely curious, we love those. But the ones who say "Oh, I could never do that!" (really, its generally not that hard, but maybe you couldn't, sometimes I still wonder about me); or say "you must have a lot of patience" (ask my kids, I really don't); or question our ability to teach our children tasks that we have mastered and have been doing on a daily basis quite well for 20-30 years now (or more, ahem), things such as adding or putting basic sounds together to make words.
This one is my favorite:
19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
Though #20 really strikes a chord as well. :)
Now, I don't mean questions from those who are genuinely interested or even vaguely curious, we love those. But the ones who say "Oh, I could never do that!" (really, its generally not that hard, but maybe you couldn't, sometimes I still wonder about me); or say "you must have a lot of patience" (ask my kids, I really don't); or question our ability to teach our children tasks that we have mastered and have been doing on a daily basis quite well for 20-30 years now (or more, ahem), things such as adding or putting basic sounds together to make words.
This one is my favorite:
19 Stop asking about how hard it must be to be my child's teacher as well as her parent. I don't see much difference between bossing my kid around academically and bossing him around the way I do about everything else.
Though #20 really strikes a chord as well. :)
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Homeschooling and Idealism
A few years ago, I remember some people talking about how they wouldn't get their kids lessons for certain things because they are homeschooling and it is THEIR job to teach their kids. Even back in my most idealistic days, I don't think I could completely nod in agreement. And I would definitely have to say there are things that I cannot teach my kids as well as someone else.
Arts and crafts come to mind as one thing. My housekeeping abilities are so limited that the idea of adding glue, glitter, and paper scraps to the mass of dust, food, and animal hair just simply overwhelm me.
We have a woman in our congregation who teaches piano to my son and to another homeschooler. She has skill, ability, and understanding that I don't. And not only that, he benefits greatly from having a relationship from this truly wonderful woman. He respects her, and she understands him. He practices because she feeds his love for music. And one joy from that, too...I stay completely out of it. If he doesn't practice, he can deal with her, and he won't know his songs so he doesn't move forward. I don't even go to the lessons. I reap the rewards of it though; music fills my house, and I have the joy of knowing this is one thing that is not on my shoulders (which is probably why he loves it).
But there are simply some things that kids will do better for other people. I remember I used to love to clean my brother's room (as a surprise) because I felt like I was helping him. I HATED cleaning mine. My son helps an elderly woman in our congregation with chores occasionally. He does things for her that I have to pull teeth to get him to do.
Swimming is another thing. I have been amazed at the skill of people who teach kids to swim. I loved the young woman we had last year. My son would become convinced that he had to kick with his knees bent or he didn't feel like he was going anywhere. "I need you to straighten out your legs" she would say. Then Chris would go into his rationale. She would nod and listen and then say "Uh-huh, okay...but I need you to straighten your legs," all with this syrupy sweet tone in her voice. I would've been tearing my hair out. However, I was gratified that at least he did TRY to give her the arguments that he usually is giving me....
Scouts and sports have also been things that amaze me in what they can get out of my kid....my comfort-loving, pain-despising kid. Just today, he was going around complaining about his knee (most of the day) and then he decides to go running in his cleats and when he comes back, I asked about his knee "Oh, I stretched it out, its fine." Then he went off to practice where they had sliding and pick-off practice.
(okay, I am a huge baseball fan, but you would HAVE to pay me millions of dollars to convince me to throw my body on the ground for a little white ball. My brain doesn't say "this game is on the line," "I gotta make this play," etc. My brain says "Its a ball. It doesn't feel pain...I do.")
The kid who complains if I lower the thermostat by one degree has spent nights out in the woods sleeping with twigs digging into his back, rain pouring outside, and the temperature above or below freezing...and come back saying "my sleeping bag could've been warmer, but I had a blast." And in the midst of a deluge, his scoutleader has taught them to whittle, build survival shelters, and cook all three meals every day. Would've never done it for me -- or even for his dad. (and lest you think I am berating him for being a wimp...I am EVERY bit and more the wimp that he is)
Through the commitments that have been made to neighbors, piano teachers, choir, Scout troop, church, and other things...my son has also learned duty, obligation, and responsibility-- and he enjoys the feeling of competency and respect that this gives him. I can't imagine the idea of training him to be a man in a vacuum separated from the world. It just wouldn't work. And I look forward to watching my daughter learn these same lessons through her journey as well.
So while homeschooling is awesome, and while over the course of years I have taught many useful things, enjoyable and unenjoyable, I continually realize that there are things that I can't teach my kids, that I don't want to teach my kids, or that my kids won't learn from me. And you know what....I'm just fine with that.
Arts and crafts come to mind as one thing. My housekeeping abilities are so limited that the idea of adding glue, glitter, and paper scraps to the mass of dust, food, and animal hair just simply overwhelm me.
We have a woman in our congregation who teaches piano to my son and to another homeschooler. She has skill, ability, and understanding that I don't. And not only that, he benefits greatly from having a relationship from this truly wonderful woman. He respects her, and she understands him. He practices because she feeds his love for music. And one joy from that, too...I stay completely out of it. If he doesn't practice, he can deal with her, and he won't know his songs so he doesn't move forward. I don't even go to the lessons. I reap the rewards of it though; music fills my house, and I have the joy of knowing this is one thing that is not on my shoulders (which is probably why he loves it).
But there are simply some things that kids will do better for other people. I remember I used to love to clean my brother's room (as a surprise) because I felt like I was helping him. I HATED cleaning mine. My son helps an elderly woman in our congregation with chores occasionally. He does things for her that I have to pull teeth to get him to do.
Swimming is another thing. I have been amazed at the skill of people who teach kids to swim. I loved the young woman we had last year. My son would become convinced that he had to kick with his knees bent or he didn't feel like he was going anywhere. "I need you to straighten out your legs" she would say. Then Chris would go into his rationale. She would nod and listen and then say "Uh-huh, okay...but I need you to straighten your legs," all with this syrupy sweet tone in her voice. I would've been tearing my hair out. However, I was gratified that at least he did TRY to give her the arguments that he usually is giving me....
Scouts and sports have also been things that amaze me in what they can get out of my kid....my comfort-loving, pain-despising kid. Just today, he was going around complaining about his knee (most of the day) and then he decides to go running in his cleats and when he comes back, I asked about his knee "Oh, I stretched it out, its fine." Then he went off to practice where they had sliding and pick-off practice.
(okay, I am a huge baseball fan, but you would HAVE to pay me millions of dollars to convince me to throw my body on the ground for a little white ball. My brain doesn't say "this game is on the line," "I gotta make this play," etc. My brain says "Its a ball. It doesn't feel pain...I do.")
The kid who complains if I lower the thermostat by one degree has spent nights out in the woods sleeping with twigs digging into his back, rain pouring outside, and the temperature above or below freezing...and come back saying "my sleeping bag could've been warmer, but I had a blast." And in the midst of a deluge, his scoutleader has taught them to whittle, build survival shelters, and cook all three meals every day. Would've never done it for me -- or even for his dad. (and lest you think I am berating him for being a wimp...I am EVERY bit and more the wimp that he is)
Through the commitments that have been made to neighbors, piano teachers, choir, Scout troop, church, and other things...my son has also learned duty, obligation, and responsibility-- and he enjoys the feeling of competency and respect that this gives him. I can't imagine the idea of training him to be a man in a vacuum separated from the world. It just wouldn't work. And I look forward to watching my daughter learn these same lessons through her journey as well.
So while homeschooling is awesome, and while over the course of years I have taught many useful things, enjoyable and unenjoyable, I continually realize that there are things that I can't teach my kids, that I don't want to teach my kids, or that my kids won't learn from me. And you know what....I'm just fine with that.
Friday, March 07, 2008
Not Only am I Rebellious, But I Could've Been a Criminal
Yesterday, the California Court of Appeals did something rather bizarre. They took a case that was about one set of parents who might or might not be neglecting or abusing their children....and used it to make homeschooling illegal.
Here is the official decision that was made
Here is a link to sign a petition to request that the California Supreme Court depublish the decision. What that basically means is -- the courts could've gone in two different directions with the action they took. First, the decision could've applied to this family alone. Or, the tact that they did take, they decided that their decision should effect all 250,000 homeschoolers in the state, and that possibly could have repercussions everywhere. As was said by Michael Ferris today "California leads the nation in some good things, and in many bad things." Asking the California State Supreme Court to depublish the decision would make it so the decision only effects the parents, but does not become official legislation. So please go sign....even if you are not a homeschooler. Even if you don't have kids. Let them know that the rest of the country disapproves of this decision.
California has taken several steps in recent times to strip parents of their rights to make decisions for their children or be involved in their education.
Private schools are required to teach evolution.
They have just passed SB777 (ironic #) that changes the way sexual education is taught from first grade all the way through high school that teaches that homosexuality is a beneficial lifestyle and it will even strip the words "mother," "father," "husband," and "wife," from all texts.
The ever-so-controversial Federal Ninth District Court ruled in Fields vs. Palmdale School District, that the parents' rights to decide for their children stops at the threshold of the school doors.
When children are enrolled in public schools, the parent has to sign a health form that allows the school to seek medical attention for the child without the parents' consent. One would think this would be to seek medical attention for injuries, even if the parent cannot be reached. Instead, it has been used to procure abortions for students.
As a person who has lived, worked, voted, volunteered, and homeschooled in California, I am greatly alarmed to find that at the drop of a hat, I could become a criminal, and would continue to be a criminal until I could move from the state, since I do not possess teaching credentials (and for that matter, neither do a good percentage of the teachers in the classrooms).
I have many issues with the decision....
The dependency court declined to make such an order despite the court’s opinion that the home schooling the children were receiving was “lousy,” “meager,” and “bad,” and despite the court’s opinion that keeping the children at home deprived them of situations where (1) they could interact with people outside the family, (2) there are people who could provide help if something is amiss in the children’s lives, and (3) they could develop emotionally in a broader world than the parents’ “cloistered” setting.
I cannot speak to the conditions that the parents kept their children in. I have heard a number of stories about how DCS in California has badgered homeschoolers. I have two friends who have had DCS called on them by neighbors because they homeschooled. The social worker came in, looked around and left. But if these criteria are to be applied to all of us, I find it riduculous.
Pt. 1 - "they could interact with people outside the family" First of all, this family had eight kids. That is A LOT if interaction. They had to negotiate and share, look out for each other, and were constantly in an environment where they were around people that cared about them. The interaction that they had with each other HAD to be much more rich, much more involved than sitting in a classroom with 30 other students EXACTLY the same age, not being allowed to talk most of the time, and doing textbook work. That is a homogenous environment.
Pt. 2 - there are people who could provide help if something is amiss in the children’s lives, There are 250,000 homeschoolers in California. There are 10.5 million children in the state of California, according to the 2000 Census. Yes, the kids would have someone to go to for help, if they sought it out. But to apply this logic to why homeschooling should not be allowed is very bewildering. I would be underexaggerating excessively to say that there are at least five times as many abused and neglected children in California schools that will never be helped or spotted as there are homeschoolers all together. I think we all know it probably is much higher, despite these children being away from their parents' most of the day.
To treat all of us like we are abusers or neglecting our children is preposterous. The sacrifices that we are making for our children rather indicate that we are much more interested in their well-being than any teacher of 30 students ever could be, no matter what the best intentions would be. There are child abusers among us. There are a few that neglect their children's education. But the very nature of the commitment that we make to our children in order to homeschool demonstrates that there are far fewer children suffering from these tragedies among our ranks than in the general population as a whole.
And there are so many more kids that get left out and figuratively or literally battered in the schools, when they do not fit the mold that our current educational model is fit to. I would argue that very few kids, even those that enjoy school and prosper in it, wouldn't do better in a more personal environment that allows for their needs, encourages their creativity, and allows them to interact with their siblings, the very peopel that God meant for them to learn socialization skills with, rather than with children who are identical in age, in a completely artificial environment.
Pt. 3 - they could develop emotionally in a broader world than the parents’ “cloistered” setting Most homeschoolers are not isolated. They go to homeschool activities, they take part in church, they play sports, they do Scouts and/or 4-H, and SO MUCH MORE. Not only that, they are with their parents as their parents experience life, buying groceries, running errands, solving problems, volunteering or helping out our neighbor, and sometimes even helping us in our employment. Separating them out to learn in school all the time, rather than in life, and then to be absorbed in homework for hours at night takes away the time for learning real life skills and growing in the relationships that they have with those that truly love them. They don't have time to learn real life skills like managing a home and many other things.
There is so much more regarding this decision that I find appalling. This statement didn't get us past the first paragraph. But I am running out of room, and my husband is bringing the children back from the science museum.
I repeat, please go sign the petition, and pray for the homeschoolers in California while this matter is being decided. And if the thought strikes you, donate some money to Homeschoolers Legal Defense Association or to the legal organization that they work through in California.
It is an interesting thought, if I were still in California, today, I would be a criminal.
Here is the official decision that was made
Here is a link to sign a petition to request that the California Supreme Court depublish the decision. What that basically means is -- the courts could've gone in two different directions with the action they took. First, the decision could've applied to this family alone. Or, the tact that they did take, they decided that their decision should effect all 250,000 homeschoolers in the state, and that possibly could have repercussions everywhere. As was said by Michael Ferris today "California leads the nation in some good things, and in many bad things." Asking the California State Supreme Court to depublish the decision would make it so the decision only effects the parents, but does not become official legislation. So please go sign....even if you are not a homeschooler. Even if you don't have kids. Let them know that the rest of the country disapproves of this decision.
California has taken several steps in recent times to strip parents of their rights to make decisions for their children or be involved in their education.
Private schools are required to teach evolution.
They have just passed SB777 (ironic #) that changes the way sexual education is taught from first grade all the way through high school that teaches that homosexuality is a beneficial lifestyle and it will even strip the words "mother," "father," "husband," and "wife," from all texts.
The ever-so-controversial Federal Ninth District Court ruled in Fields vs. Palmdale School District, that the parents' rights to decide for their children stops at the threshold of the school doors.
When children are enrolled in public schools, the parent has to sign a health form that allows the school to seek medical attention for the child without the parents' consent. One would think this would be to seek medical attention for injuries, even if the parent cannot be reached. Instead, it has been used to procure abortions for students.
As a person who has lived, worked, voted, volunteered, and homeschooled in California, I am greatly alarmed to find that at the drop of a hat, I could become a criminal, and would continue to be a criminal until I could move from the state, since I do not possess teaching credentials (and for that matter, neither do a good percentage of the teachers in the classrooms).
I have many issues with the decision....
The dependency court declined to make such an order despite the court’s opinion that the home schooling the children were receiving was “lousy,” “meager,” and “bad,” and despite the court’s opinion that keeping the children at home deprived them of situations where (1) they could interact with people outside the family, (2) there are people who could provide help if something is amiss in the children’s lives, and (3) they could develop emotionally in a broader world than the parents’ “cloistered” setting.
I cannot speak to the conditions that the parents kept their children in. I have heard a number of stories about how DCS in California has badgered homeschoolers. I have two friends who have had DCS called on them by neighbors because they homeschooled. The social worker came in, looked around and left. But if these criteria are to be applied to all of us, I find it riduculous.
Pt. 1 - "they could interact with people outside the family" First of all, this family had eight kids. That is A LOT if interaction. They had to negotiate and share, look out for each other, and were constantly in an environment where they were around people that cared about them. The interaction that they had with each other HAD to be much more rich, much more involved than sitting in a classroom with 30 other students EXACTLY the same age, not being allowed to talk most of the time, and doing textbook work. That is a homogenous environment.
Pt. 2 - there are people who could provide help if something is amiss in the children’s lives, There are 250,000 homeschoolers in California. There are 10.5 million children in the state of California, according to the 2000 Census. Yes, the kids would have someone to go to for help, if they sought it out. But to apply this logic to why homeschooling should not be allowed is very bewildering. I would be underexaggerating excessively to say that there are at least five times as many abused and neglected children in California schools that will never be helped or spotted as there are homeschoolers all together. I think we all know it probably is much higher, despite these children being away from their parents' most of the day.
To treat all of us like we are abusers or neglecting our children is preposterous. The sacrifices that we are making for our children rather indicate that we are much more interested in their well-being than any teacher of 30 students ever could be, no matter what the best intentions would be. There are child abusers among us. There are a few that neglect their children's education. But the very nature of the commitment that we make to our children in order to homeschool demonstrates that there are far fewer children suffering from these tragedies among our ranks than in the general population as a whole.
And there are so many more kids that get left out and figuratively or literally battered in the schools, when they do not fit the mold that our current educational model is fit to. I would argue that very few kids, even those that enjoy school and prosper in it, wouldn't do better in a more personal environment that allows for their needs, encourages their creativity, and allows them to interact with their siblings, the very peopel that God meant for them to learn socialization skills with, rather than with children who are identical in age, in a completely artificial environment.
Pt. 3 - they could develop emotionally in a broader world than the parents’ “cloistered” setting Most homeschoolers are not isolated. They go to homeschool activities, they take part in church, they play sports, they do Scouts and/or 4-H, and SO MUCH MORE. Not only that, they are with their parents as their parents experience life, buying groceries, running errands, solving problems, volunteering or helping out our neighbor, and sometimes even helping us in our employment. Separating them out to learn in school all the time, rather than in life, and then to be absorbed in homework for hours at night takes away the time for learning real life skills and growing in the relationships that they have with those that truly love them. They don't have time to learn real life skills like managing a home and many other things.
There is so much more regarding this decision that I find appalling. This statement didn't get us past the first paragraph. But I am running out of room, and my husband is bringing the children back from the science museum.
I repeat, please go sign the petition, and pray for the homeschoolers in California while this matter is being decided. And if the thought strikes you, donate some money to Homeschoolers Legal Defense Association or to the legal organization that they work through in California.
It is an interesting thought, if I were still in California, today, I would be a criminal.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Great Homeschooling Post
My friend Cheryl wrote a great post that describes very clearly one of the main reasons why I choose to homeschool. Since she said it so well, I thought you might like to take a look.
Monday, August 06, 2007
Loopers Gathering Together
Cheryl over at A Round Unvarnish'd Tale posted some great pics of our Martin Loopers get together in Chicago this weekend. Many thanks to Cheryl, Suzanne, and Lori for putting it together. There's nothing like getting together with confessional Lutheran homeschoolers, and Cheryl does a good job of explaining why we are so close to each other, too, despite having our main connection with each other be our email list and our blogs.
Since I was driving farther, the Magnesses were gracious enough to open their home to us, and we had a wonderful time.
Since I was driving farther, the Magnesses were gracious enough to open their home to us, and we had a wonderful time.
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