Back from Vacation to Find Myself Tagged

Line Drive Down the Right Side tagged me with the meme that has been going around...and since its about books...well, can it get better than that?

First of all, I'm going to leave it said that the most influential book in my life has been the Bible, and of course the Small Catechism is right up there, too. But I'm going to go secular with this list....(I'll go through and edit it and make it look better later...its too late and I've been on a plane all day, but my fingers have been itching to blog!!!)

1. One Book that changed your life:

The Princess Bride. When my husband and I met at a summer camp, we quickly became good friends. We both loved books one of the first things he suggested was that we read it together. Neither one of us had really read with another person before..... It was the first of many books...and many to come.


2. One book you've read more than once:

Pride and Prejudice, by Jane Austen. I didn't realize this until much later, but it taught me so much about how important it was to have a husband that I could respect and that was a good match for me. I cannot count how many times I've read this book. It is a good friend.

3. One book you'd want on a desert island (not the only one...just one you'd definitely want there):

Out of Africa, by Isak Dinesen. As my professor once said "don't confuse the book for the movie, or either for her real life." I love the movie, too. But the book is very different.

4. One book that made you laugh: Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. This was given to me by Line Drive, and it was sheer hysterical torture.

5. One book that made you cry: Diary of Anne Frank

6. One book that you wish had been written: A Return to "Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones but Words Can Never Hurt Me: A Flight from the Namby Pamby PC Culture!"

7. One book that you wish had never been written: Anything that works hard to destroy people's souls. I guess Da Vinci is the newest...but they are out there everywhere.

8. One book you're currently reading: Roughing It by Mark Twain. I crack up every time I think of that bison climbing up the tree after Twain's traveling companion.


9. One book you've been meaning to read: Blue Highways by William Least Heatmoon. I find the idea of travelling across country on all the little roads very tempting.

10. Now tag seven people.

Forgive me if you've already done this....I'm a little behind on my blog reading.

Favorite Apron
This Pastor's Wife
Pistol-Packing Presbytera
Chanting Chatter (doesn't have a blog....but I'm working on him)
Homestead Lutheran Academy
Recovering Pastor's Wife
Mediocre Minister's Wife

Lutheran Carnival XXIX!!!!

Lutheran Carnival 29 is up at Hot Lutheran on Lutheran Action (blush). Thanks for hosting Kantor Sean!!!

The Role of the Pastor's Wife (as I see it...but I might be just a bit warped)

Over the past several weeks, I've had a few pastor's wives contact me, establishing connections. They are hurting women who are seeking healing from other women that they hope can understand. I do understand. In the nine years that my husband has been a pastor, I have experienced daily little hurts that can build up and occasionally a pain that I never thought was possible.

The daily process of being a pastor's wife in and of itself is awkward. I always say the part that bugs me the worst is the ontogeny of it. The very fact that there are 140 people that actually KNOW where I live bothers me. Very few other careers involve having the general public knowing and caring about where your family lives and what happens in their lives....celebrities and big time politicians are the only people that come to mind. I don't even know if my doctor HAS a wife. I don't know if the policeman that pulled me over several months ago has kids....let alone who they are and where they live. For a woman who grew up with a six foot block wall around her house and an unlisted phone number, this can leave me feeling simply vulnerable.

One thing that brings me comfort is the whole idea of vocation. God has given me certain tasks to do in life. I am a Christian, a wife, a mother, a homeschooler, a part-time social worker, a friend. Notice, I didn't say that I am a "pastor's wife" or "in the ministry."

The man that I am married to has received a Divine Call to provide care to this congregation by preaching The Word and administering the Sacraments and using these to forgive them, guide them, heal their wounds, and admonish them. He is to love them as Christ loves them. I happen to be married to him.

Where do I fit in? I'm his wife. I love him, raise his children, and try to provide a safe (though nowhere near neat) home. I rejoice in his love and honor and respect him. My relationship to the congregation? I'm a member. The things that I do in the congregation I do because I am a child of God and feel that God has given me gifts in certain areas so that I can serve there. However, I am serving God just as much in my home by raising good Christian children as I am by serving on any committee. Even more so.

My other vocations come first. I am a wife and a mother. These roles are sacred and were given to me by God. I am also a mother who has kept the responsibility for educating her children upon herself. That takes a certain amount of time and energy. It also means that I don't have free time during the day. Emotionally, it also means that if I do have time to do something at night, it is often something where I need to take care of me, so that I have something to give to my family (VBS? That's the ONE week I have off. No, I'm not teaching! Sunday School? No. I need to grow and learn. I teach through the week. Right now, I do Altar Guild and sing in the choir, that's pretty much it).

A professor at the seminary said that a pastor's wife shouldn't do a whole lot in the congregation. First of all, there are very few things that the pastor's wife can do that it wouldn't be better for people in the congregation to do. The more they serve their congregation, the stronger it is. There might be someone else who could actually grow in their role in the church if they fulfill the role that I might be swallowing up because I'm the pastor's wife and I can do everything! If my husband ends up being called elsewhere, the church will be left weaker if I've taken on a lot, because then they are left with a hole where his role was...and then one that the pastor's wife filled also. I've always clung to that (if only as a defense mechanism!)

I am an introvert. I am somewhat shy and I am uncomfortable in large groups. A key personality trait of introverts is that they are drained by social interaction. They can enjoy it...but afterwards, they need time alone to build up their energy again. I do well with interaction with only a few people at a time. I love my congregation...just not all at once. Some people get energized by serving and interacting with others. I don't. I enjoy it at times, but it leaves me depleted. I need to be aware of this...because if I overdo it, I get cranky, depressed, and mentally disorganized, and I can't meet my family's needs. That is more important.

I also am a rather emotional woman with two rather emotional children. There are Sundays where we wake up and it is clear that it just isn't worth it. I don't make my children go to church because they are the pastor's kids. Somewhere I did right, because they love church.

I also don't go to church just because I am the pastor's wife and I should be there. If I find when I wake up, that I am searching for clean clothes not because I want to hear God's Word and receive His forgiveness, but only because I am the pastor's wife, then I don't go. I have learned that it is a sign that I am overwhelmed by it all and if I push myself, it is not going to get better. I pray for God's forgiveness that on those days, His Word is not enough to get me there. The burden is far too heavy for me, so I give it to Him.

Just because my husband is called to serve the congregation doesn't mean that I have any obligation to fill a particular role. In this, I am not his partner. He is called. I am not. I am his helpmeet, to be sure, but I am not a co-pastor or a ministry partner. I am there to love him, listen to him, and be his friend. This takes a HUGE weight off my shoulders.

Does it make it easy? I wish I could say it did. Because I always know that others have certain expectations of me, and they don't necessarily see it the way that I do. They can be hurtful or distant in their expression of that. In certain situations, this can be very painful. However, I also sometimes see other pastors wives busting their butts into non-existence and their husbands' flocks still aren't happy with them....so at least I'm at the same place without being completely overwhelmed with church duties.

One pastor's wife mentioned having her guard up against the congregation. At times, I think this is a good idea. I heard a theologian speak on forgiveness once who pointed out that forgiveness does not mean being stupid. If someone is repeatedly nosy, harsh, or otherwise, it does not mean that you leave yourself vulnerable to them, or expect them to be otherwise. Knowing that this can happen at anytime is being as smart as a serpent, in my opinion. However, knowing this also can leave me with my guard up at times it shouldn't be, and then I am not open to the beauty in the people that I worship with. I make it a point to pray for the people that I worship with. In my church, since each person goes up to the communion rail, I find that as I see them, it is easy for me to pray for them and what is going on in their lives (if I know...if not, I leave it up to God. He knows) and I thank God for them. When I do this, I find I am more open to each person individually, and I am giving the future over to God.

There are definitely days (too frequent to count) where I am brought to tears by this life and that I wish that my husband would find something else. Then I remember the souls that have been brought to faith because of him. I see how much he cares for his flock. I listen to him preaching in the pulpit....and I can't imagine him doing anything else....and until the next storm, I am comforted.

These are the things that I do to make it manageable. I hope this helps. Being a "pastor's wife" doesn't mean that you have a title and a role to fill. It doesn't mean that the congregation has any unique claim on your time and your energies. Serve God because you want to. Not because of who you married-- love and respect your husband. That is your role.

Just Killing Time

Only about an hour yet and my husband will be home. He's been gone all week in St. Louis....yes, with the storm and all - the heat and the power failure.

I'm sure some of the other blogsites will be happy that I will have adult conversation again and won't be seeking it as much from theirs. They hopefully will take comfort in the fact that they preserved my sanity this week.

Soon we're looking forward to heading off to Nevada and California. Disneyland, two Dodger games (at least), the ocean...and oohhh the restaurants. We are getting an In-n-Out Burger as soon as we leave the airport. I insist. Not to mention Rubios, Crocodile Cafe, and even Jack in the Box has been triggering cravings lately. Wrap that up with the most important thing...time with friends and family.

Levels of Friendship

I just got done forwarding off one of those cute emails that everyone sends around to everyone else. Each time I do this, I wonder..."do I know this person well enough to send them this?" I'm not even talking about an "off-color" message. Do you send these off to the person who just emailed you yesterday for the first time (I'd think not)....or only to people that you would trust your kids with in a major catastrophe? Am I presuming a particular intimacy that isn't there if I am the first one to send this (kind of like using the informal "you" in a foreign language...at least once upon a time).

I grew up in a town where everyone had six-foot block walls around their properties and it was considered rude to show up on someone's doorstep without calling first. I remember my mom sitting in our house going "shhh" when someone knocked on the door, because she didn't want to talk to whomever was out there. I didn't blame her. If they hadn't called, they were probably Mormon missionaries.

Maybe because I'm Lutheran, too. It's not like we're often very huggy-friendly people. I'd have to admit, I myself would rather sit at the computer and talk to someone 2000 miles away than talk to someone face to face. (I remember when I was a kid, there was an article in Scholastic Magazine that was saying that someday, people would relate better to their computers and would stay in their house and wouldn't relate to people.....as if that were some sort of tragedy!!!) :)

I wonder about it with blogs and such, too. My wonderful husband has been out of town this week, and I've noticed that I've been compulsively blogging.....on other people's blogs. It doesn't help that early communion has been a topic. I bet you can't tell that one is an interest of mine. Have I overstepped my bounds? Am I saying too much? Am I being obnoxious? At least I have the comfort that Pr. Petersen "stole" that picture of my husband from my blog!

I do end up worrying about my kids' behavior and if they are being obnoxious...when often, they are being kids and other people realize this. I think my parents were really uptight about that, but I often find that right after I chewed out my kids for doing something, that they had absolutely no problem with letting me act that way. And my poor kids don't get a break from me! It's proper behavior prison at the Horn Household.
(ok...maybe I'm not that bad. maybe I am. maybe I should start capitalizing....naah)

True and Worthy Communicants Part Drei

True and Worthy Communicants pt. 1

Communion Worthiness Revisited

This discussion has been continuing on Pastor Petersen's blog Cyberstones....so check it out.

Since after an issue is brought up, the natural tendency of a pastor's attention goes toward how to implement something, or more properly "The Practice" of how something is observed, and my tendency is, as a layman, to say "ITS WRONG, JUST FIX IT!" Praise God my vocation is not shepherding a congregation...that is left to finer MEN than me... so I thought I would just let Dr. Luther speak on the subject:

(from "An Order of Mass and Communion," 1523 A.D.)
printed in: Martin Luther's Basic Theological Writings, Timothy F. Lull, ed. 1989


Here, one should follow the same usage as with baptism, namely, that the bishop should be informed of those who want to commune. They should request in person to receive the Lord's Supper so that he may be able to know both their names and manner of life. And let him not admit the applicants unless they can give a reason for their faith and can answer questions about what the Lord's Supper is, what its benefits are, and what they expect to derive from it. In other words, they should be able to repeat the Words of Institution from memory and to explain that they are coming because they are troubled by the consciousness of their sin, the fear of death, or some other evil, such as temptation of the flesh, the world, or the devil, and no hunger and thirst to receive the word and sign of grace and salvation from the Lord himself through the ministry of the bishop, so that they may be consoled and comforted; this was Christ's purpose, when he in priceless love gave and instituted this Supper, and aid "Take and eat," etc.

But I think it enough for the applicants for communion to be examined or explored once a year. Indeed, a man may be so understanding that he needs to be questioned only once in his lifetime or not at all. For, by this practice, we want to guard lest the worthy and unworthy alike rush to the Lord's Supper, as we have hitherto seen done in the Roman Church. There they seek only to communicate; but the faith, the comfort, the use and benefit of the Supper are not even mentioned or considered. Nay, they have taken pains to hide the Words of Institution, which are the bread of life itself, and have furiously tried to make the communicants perform a work, supposedly good in itself, instead of letting their faith be nourished and strengthened by the goodness of Christ. Those, therefore who are not able to answer in the manner described above should be completely excluded and banished from the communion of the Supper, since they are without the wedding garment.

When the bishop has convinced himself that they understand all these things, he should also observe whether they prove their faith and understanding in their life and conduct. For Satan, too, understands and can talk about all these things. Thus if the pastor should see a fornicator, adulterer, drunkard, gambler, usurer, slanderer, or anyone else disgraced by a manifest vice, he should absolutely exclude such person from the Supper - unless he can give good evidence that his life has been changed. For the Supper need not be denied to those who sometimes fall and rise again, but grieve over their lapse. Indeed, we must realize that it was instituted just for such people so that they may be refreshed and strengthened. "For in many things we offend all" [Jas. 3:2]. And we "bear one another's burdens" [Gal.6:2], since we are burdening one another. But I was speaking of those arrogant people who sin brazenly and without fear while they boast glorious things about the gospel.

When mass is being celebrated, those to receive communion should gather together by themselves in one place and in one group. The altar and the chancel were invented for this purpose. God does not care where we stand and it adds nothing to our faith. The communicants, however, out to be seen and known openly, both by those who do and by those who do not commune (RPW: this may answer the question as to whether those not communing left the service before the communion service), in order that their lives may be better observed, proved, and tested. For participation in the Supper is part of the confession by which they confess before God, angels, and men that they are Christians. Care must therefore be taken lest any, as it were, take the Supper on the sly and disappear in the crowd so that one cannot tell whether they live good or evil lives. However, in this matter I do not want to make a law, but simply want to demonstrate a decent and fitting order to be used in freedom by free Christian men.